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AIBU?

He's emptied half the dishwasher wtf

76 replies

justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:28

I've walked around the supermarket because he's decided to diet . No carbs so I've sourced, meat and vegetable plus nuts to sustain him. I put on the dishwasher before I left. He's emptied the top half left the rest to me coz you know division of labour innit.

I'm so bloody annoyed. He does zero in the house, pink job. Bins I stand outside 52 weeks a year sorting plastic, tin, glass, paper, cardboard, he's a hero for dragging it up six steps.

I'm so bloody annoyed if we didn't share the cooking somewhat I'd chuck him out. Even though some of his meals end up in the dogs

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Am I being unreasonable?

203 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
11%
You are NOT being unreasonable
89%
Slanketblanket · 27/02/2024 14:30

When it's your turn to do dinner put some tape down the middle of the plate and only put food on one side to help his diet effort.

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HellonHeels · 27/02/2024 14:31

I voted you are not being unreasonable, but actually you are - by staying with him and putting up with this shit.

Hope he's great in bed or something because so far he is coming across as a waste of marital space.

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:33

Slanketblanket · 27/02/2024 14:30

When it's your turn to do dinner put some tape down the middle of the plate and only put food on one side to help his diet effort.

That's funny, apparently on this diet he can eat half a cow and lose weight. He's got a mate on it. 🙄

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Herdinggoats · 27/02/2024 14:35

I voted you are being unreasonable. Stop complaining and just sort him into the bin

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:36

HellonHeels · 27/02/2024 14:31

I voted you are not being unreasonable, but actually you are - by staying with him and putting up with this shit.

Hope he's great in bed or something because so far he is coming across as a waste of marital space.

Haven't had sex in 17 years, his prostate operation went wrong. He's 74 married 47 years so not divorcing now. Just venting how petty can you get.

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:38

Imagine just washing my pillow cases, washing only my clothes, cleaning only my loo, sink, bath
It's pathetic

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FloofCloud · 27/02/2024 14:38

If you cook, he washes up!
If you shop, he puts away
Bins - my DH does this because it's heavy and awkward
Washing - we both chip away at it (I'm sure we have 6 other people living somewhere in our house!)
DH does the gardening
Cleaners to do a deep clean and wash floors every other week
It's all about sharing!
Saying that I do most of the admin for the house but then he does the gardening!

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Comedycook · 27/02/2024 14:39

No carbs so I've sourced, meat and vegetables

Sorry, not the point but this sentence did make me laugh. You bought meat and veg in the supermarket...you make it sound like you were on some sort of impossible mission

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Comedycook · 27/02/2024 14:39

But anyway...do you both have jobs? How many hours do you each work a week?

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toomuchfaff · 27/02/2024 14:39

HellonHeels · 27/02/2024 14:31

I voted you are not being unreasonable, but actually you are - by staying with him and putting up with this shit.

Hope he's great in bed or something because so far he is coming across as a waste of marital space.

This...

You enable and allow him to be useless and then moan when he fills the role.

Stop enabling him by your actions;
I've walked around the supermarket because he's decided to diet . I've sourced, meat and vegetable plus nuts to sustain him. (Why do this? if division of labour - then why are you doing ALL the shopping? - let him do his own, if he wants to only empty half the dishwasher like a dick, then stop doing his shopping, stop doing his washing, stop doing his cooking....)
I put on the dishwasher... He's emptied the top half (and you didn't confront him wtf he was playing at with such petty BS?)

Swear - this petty BS is just ridiculous; is he 4? You cant be in an adult relationship with a child.

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Illpickthatup · 27/02/2024 14:40

Why are you doing his shopping? Shop for yourself. Let him do his own shopping. I hope you're not doing his washing as well?

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Comedycook · 27/02/2024 14:40

justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:33

That's funny, apparently on this diet he can eat half a cow and lose weight. He's got a mate on it. 🙄

Like Pam in Gavin and stacey

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:49

Comedycook · 27/02/2024 14:39

No carbs so I've sourced, meat and vegetables

Sorry, not the point but this sentence did make me laugh. You bought meat and veg in the supermarket...you make it sound like you were on some sort of impossible mission

Honestly it was, I bought different meats, fish, then finding interesting vegetables, so carrots, cauliflower, celeriac, green beans, swede, frozen peas not a potato in sight.

Bought lamb shanks, pork loin, steaks, haddock, that's four meals sorted.

Then fruit, melon, strawberries, raspberries. Plus nuts to snack on.

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Dweetfidilove · 27/02/2024 14:51

This is so ridiculous I can’t even formulate any meaningful advice.

Im sorry this is your life at presumably a similar age 💐.

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LookItsMeAgain · 27/02/2024 14:52

Ok so he's 74. It's not impossible for him to sort through the recycling and work out what goes where, so that becomes his 'job' and that includes the bit of the 'bins' that he is already doing. He doesn't get to shirk the bit of responsibility that he currently does because he's doing something different or something more.

He should be doing more around the house and until you relinquish that to him, he'll continue to do less. It's called strategic or weaponised incompetence. Do it badly so that you don't end up being asked to do it again. You should tell him that for your 50th wedding anniversary, his present to you is for him to be doing more around the house on a permanent basis.

He's an adult and probably has been mollycoddled all throughout his childhood and adult life. This is not apportioning blame but it might explain the situation that you now find yourself in.
I understand that you want to rant away, and you're perfectly within your rights to do that but there is nothing (that I'm aware of going by your posts) to indicate why your husband couldn't do the shopping for his diet requirements, so let him.
If he doesn't cook, perhaps your present to him could be cookery lessons.

All of the above is what I got from your messages in this thread.

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HellonHeels · 27/02/2024 14:55

justasking111 · 27/02/2024 14:49

Honestly it was, I bought different meats, fish, then finding interesting vegetables, so carrots, cauliflower, celeriac, green beans, swede, frozen peas not a potato in sight.

Bought lamb shanks, pork loin, steaks, haddock, that's four meals sorted.

Then fruit, melon, strawberries, raspberries. Plus nuts to snack on.

You're a kind person OP, generous spirit.

Please show yourself the same generosity and kindness - its OK to put yourself first and let him shift for himself.

I must say I felt a surge of fury for you when I read how petty he'd been.

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Wingedharpy · 27/02/2024 14:58

Did he actually say he'd left half the dishwasher emptying to you to distribute labour "equally", or have you assumed this?

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 15:01

Wingedharpy · 27/02/2024 14:58

Did he actually say he'd left half the dishwasher emptying to you to distribute labour "equally", or have you assumed this?

This is what he always does. Rants when the dishwasher needs emptying. As if someone has done it to annoy him. While I was out sorting out this caveman diet he did put the dishcloths in bleach 😂

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Flabthletics · 27/02/2024 15:03

There is probably a lot in this pattern of doing half a job buuuuut while definitely frustrating it might not be malicious, absent minded, got distracted or interrupted and forgot..some people are blind to mess and can't finish a job, like those with adhs for example.

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 15:03

He does do the garden, I'm not allowed down there. Last time I weeded apparently I had done it wrong 🙄

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Cookiecrumblepie · 27/02/2024 15:06

You can’t complain if you enable him.

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 15:06

Flabthletics · 27/02/2024 15:03

There is probably a lot in this pattern of doing half a job buuuuut while definitely frustrating it might not be malicious, absent minded, got distracted or interrupted and forgot..some people are blind to mess and can't finish a job, like those with adhs for example.

He's definitely ADHD, my Duracell bunny I call him. He's up at 7am let's the dogs out then into our bedroom, TV on loud, dogs bouncing all over the bed. I'm knackered by it all some days with a bouncy husband, spaniel, Labrador all over the bedroom.

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/02/2024 15:09

Yabu for staying married to him just because you've always been married to him.

I honestly couldn't stand to be married to that level of petty. I hope you have pointed out how ridiculous he is being and if you both took that approach at splitting jobs exactly down the middle then you'd have only got joint shopping today not anything specifically for him, you'd only like you say wash one pillow etc etc and your whole lives will become massively inefficient

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justasking111 · 27/02/2024 15:11

My son has had my car for the last eight days so was lovely to get out of the house just for a bit. To come home to a job share when I had spent ten minutes in Boots getting moisturizer, makeup up and cotton wool. Then 40 minutes in the supermarket sorting out his cave man diet was somewhat annoying.

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newyearnewnothing · 27/02/2024 15:16

People treat you, how you allow them to !

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