He's emptied half the dishwasher wtf

[justasking111]

I've walked around the supermarket because he's decided to diet . No carbs so I've sourced, meat and vegetable plus nuts to sustain him. I put on the dishwasher before I left. He's emptied the top half left the rest to me coz you know division of labour innit.

I'm so bloody annoyed. He does zero in the house, pink job. Bins I stand outside 52 weeks a year sorting plastic, tin, glass, paper, cardboard, he's a hero for dragging it up six steps.

I'm so bloody annoyed if we didn't share the cooking somewhat I'd chuck him out. Even though some of his meals end up in the dogs

If only it were so easy to “allow” or “disallow” the thoughts, feelings and actions of others eh? There would be no more crime because none of us would “allow” ourselves or others to be victims.

Think for a millisecond what would happen to a poster who came on MN and stated what they “allowed” their partner to do and what they did not “allow” them to do. They’d be chased off their own thread with a mob baying at them, telling them that they had no right to control other people. Of course they could simply abandon their marriage/relationship at the drop of a hat in true LTB style but what about the practicalities? People in relationships normally lead intertwined lives. If they are both single, own their own properties, have no children or assets in common then, sure, why not pack up and leave but most relationships are very different from that scenario aren’t they?

Also, I’ve seen it stated on here, and I agree despite my own relationship eventually breaking down when my husband found a woman many years younger than myself suited him better, that relationships can be hard work at times, once the honeymoon phase ends and the reality of bill paying, cleaning up the house, emptying the bins or the dishwasher kicks in. But should we all jump ship at that point if our partner appears to be treating us unfairly? Sometimes the answer will be yes but at others talking to each other or a third party to resolve issues is better.

My ex was a very narcissistic man who also went on the carnivore diet. I don’t cook meat so he cooked it himself for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It absolutely stunk the kitchen, well the whole house, out for months on end. I hated it. Everything stank of stale fat from the curtains and carpets to my hair and clothes. We’d been married for a long time. Should I have “allowed” him to eat what he wanted? I didn’t like the stench so whose rights should have prevailed? Should I have controlled him to the point of dictating the food he ate? Or would that have infringed on his human rights to decide for himself what he ate? I think it would.

We all have both rights and responsibilities. Plenty of people are keener to claim the former and duck out of the latter. In short, no, people do not treat us according to what we “allow” and to say this to anyone is a prime example of victim blaming. Life is a complex mixture of rights, our own and those of others and they often impinge on each other. Glib sayings are just that, glib.

I have the same issue even though I was the one to put all of the dishes in.. ! sometimes also only his plates are put away after meals even though I cooked that day. He used to do this with laundry too.. then one day he saw my dad who had come to visit take all the clothes in because it was starting to rain. He then started realising that it might be part of community work to take the laundry in when it starts to rain. No matter whose clothes it is.. It’s hard because I don’t want to do the same as him because this is not an attitude I want to follow … but I am so dreadfully tempted to show him what it’s like… love just drops considerably when these unpleasant signs of “take care of your own sh*” keep cropping up..