AIBU to ask for alternatives to toxic old MN

[FannyBawz]

I’ve been here 15 years and just find it all so nasty and toxic a lot of the time. The witty responses have gradually been replaced by snidey bitchiness much of the time, honestly it’s so depressing. People get jumped on all the time for asking for support.

Thats before we get to the way that womens rights are treated plus the whole sex forum fiasco.

and sorry I am fed up with having dildos waved at me every time I sign on.

Nobody seems to give a shit really at MNHQ and they have a like it or lump it mentality to valid concerns.

I know I don’t have to stay here and So does anybody have any recommendations for other forums? I see a new one called FemVox has been set up and it looks promising.

what else is out there?

Hi all. We're getting a few reports about this and so we thought it best to clarify a few things. YANBU to ask for alternatives - we don't prevent people from discussing other sites that might be a good fit for them but we will step in if there's a recruitment drive that veers close to spamming. We should be clear that MNHQ does not start any threads, controversial or otherwise. Firstly, we really don't need to (MNers start a lot of threads) and secondly, we don't have the time or more importantly, the inclination. Perversely, we'd only be creating more work for ourselves and the organic trolls already keep us busy enough.

If you have any questions about how we moderate, we're always happy to discuss at [email protected].

Thanks.

I feel the same as you op, MN is becoming really toxic.
You can practically predict some of the responses that OPs have to endure.
If that's not bad enough we now have the geezers joining in to tell us where we're all going wrong, sharing their misogyny, mansplaining etc, thought it was called "mum's" net, fuck off over to dadsnet

You're not wrong op, in fact it's only a matter of time before the sanctimonious fuckwits of mumsnet come goosestepping on to the thread tell you to fuck off. I don't think you should though. We need strength in numbers.😫

I tend to agree OP. Sometimes I’ll stumble across an old thread by mistake and see how different the responses are. Much more warmth and good humour. Sadly I don’t think it’s just confined to mumsnet though. I think it’s just a sign of the times. Social media is much more agressive and unpleasant across the board. Perhaps that’s a sad reflection of society today (oh I sound really old…..!)

I asked for advice about a friend this week and was told that I was 'spineless', 'desperate' and 'massively insecure.'

I agree @FannyBawz. I loved MN when i first joined about 7 years ago (and it was probably going downhill then) but it has got nastier. I think a lot of people have joined the site after reading news articles in the DM or the red tops. It isn't just on AIBU, it's across the board.

I can't find FemVox - I just see links to music sites?

@MissDollyMix you’re right, I never thought that it might simply be that everybody is more abrasive now. But I am not particularly abrasive myself and the nastiness on here can sometimes be quite twitteresque.

And also I am in my 40s now and don’t want to deal with a bunch of aggressive strangers so it probably bothers me more than it used to as well, to be fair.

The tone has definitely changed. I joined in 2007ish and the tone was always fairly robust, with lots of head girl types ready to take you to task if you said something silly - not unlike being in a Malory Towers book, now that I think about it 😬

But it was overwhelmingly supportive and some of the real-life interactions were really heart warming (eg people going round to help clear up a MNers house when her husband died suddenly). In fairness the size of the site now would make those sorts of things difficult now.

I must say, I have never seen any dildos, being waved about or otherwise. Do we all get the same adverts or are they tailored to our individual search history?

Haha no. My search history is clear!

did you not keep getting those ads?
There’s one for reigniting your sex life after childbirth or some such nonsense and another “introducing the whisperer…”

I am only interested in wispas

I've never seen a dildo ad either.

In fact I had to Google 'Shrek's Ear' last week because people were discussing it on a thread, and I'd had no idea it was a green vibrator apparently advertised on MN

I just ignore the nasty posters. Can't you just skip past?

I wish people just refused to respond to nasty or goady responses. They'd be in a void then and there'd be no back and forth that takes over a post.

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve - goosestepping ?

I joined in 2005, buthad lurked for about 4 years by then. It has changed without doubt. I can't access the desktop site any more as my tech and the software it's able to run is too old so I have to use the app (which I dislike intensely) but I don't get dildo ads, and I don't seem to see anything from the sex topic.

Not sure that's enough to make me enjoy MN like I used to. I used to be here almost permanently as it was pretty much my only means of connecting with the outside world, but though my situation is unchanged, I'm less inclined to come on MN and when I do it's more of a distraction than a commitment. I used to feel really connected to various posters, like they were friends. I soent a lot of time on Relationships board supporting barious posters through difficult times. I don't any more, I don't go there at all now but I don't know why.

MN is not what it used to be, no doubt about that, but my taje is that a) it's a business paid for principally by advertsing and we do have to remember that, b) people in general - our whole society - seem to have become more judgemental, less tolerant and forgiving.

Also, so many people seem to be u willing to just have a conversation in rl about whatever's bothering them; scared of repercussions etc, and this does reflect the emphasis on VAWG which has come about (I do think that's a good thing, get it out in the open and deal with it, looking at you politcians and cops) but I do wonder if that is making us less willing to actually connect with strangers/neighbours in rl, and that MN is reflecting this.

There seems to bea greater need to 'win' these days, whether it's just a quick convo or a lt relationship.

Might just be me too. Hope not.

MN hasn't changed, other than getting bigger. And these types of threads have been popping up since Jesus was a lad.

Abuse on Mumsnet - 2013
Think there are a lot of judgemental people posting on MN - 2012
when I post about trying to bring an end to bullying on Mumsnet? Read this post and see for yourselves that I am not the only one. - 2012
to be shocked by the unpleasant tone of some Mumsnetters?! - 2012
bulling on mumsnet. - 2011
Swearing on mumsnet - 2011
to think some of you are really nasty? - 2010
In thinking Mumsnet is not what it was? - 2010
May I ask for a clarification of the mumsnet philosophy - 2007

That's just some examples from more than a decade ago.

I'm fairly new to mumsnet

It doesn't appear toxic to me. Certainly no more than any other forum. It has its pros and cons like most places

My encounters with Mumsnet hq have not been positive so far though.

Im beginning to wonder if their special brand of condescending and patronising communication is in their handbook

How do they make sure of that ,if that’s true I’m definitely interested

And look at that.....! Link from the first page all about Mumsnet

Looks like another crappy wannabe

Stop advertising it. That's all this thread is about. I've seen new posters mentioning that site out of nowhere on other threads. It's just an advertisement campaign.

That's exactly what I think this thread is designed to do

I mean that site was mentioned in the OP. Why not just join it and see what it's like instead of asking here?

Just here to say how much I love your username 😂😂

@BadNomad

Thats complete bullshit.
I’ve been here 15 years, I’m not some bloody spambot.

You’re proving my point though about the nastiness, so well done. 👍

I find an ad blocker helps with the ads. I prefer a white rectangle on the page to a sex toy ad. If the ads weren't so annoying and unpleasant it wouldn't be necessary.

As for attitude of some of the posters, sad, nasty people who come here to vent and pick on others. They must be really unhappy with their lives or plain spiteful, or perhaps just stupid. I wonder because many of them seem to be unable to read and think at the same time, jump on a post and bang away about it just to start an argument and often just completely miss the point because they were too busy being foul.

Often someone will take a comment and deliberately misunderstand it (or are hard of comprehension), never do any research on what they are arguing about and just want to be right, especially when they are obviously wrong.

I always think twice before posting because inevitably either the first or second comment is a snarky response accusing the OP of being a reporter. It's almost a race to see who can call it first 🤦🏻‍♀️