bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

Snarking is common on all message boards because the posts are anonymous and this invites people to say cowardly things that they wouldn't say in real life. Anyone posting on a public message board, therefore, should think very hard about it if they are the sensitive sort.

Best things to do if you feel someone has stepped way over the mark are to report the poster and/or hide the thread. Having said that, however, there the 'ask a silly question' situation is all too common and some AIBU thread-starters unfortunately invite a flaming.

if a grown woman feels bullied by a bunch of strangers on an internet forum she need dto stop using and get a less stressful hobby, like tatting ( i have no idea what tatting is but it sounds suitable for delicate souls)

Which thread are you talking about...?

I agree totally, there is one thing to speak your mind and have different view to each other, but this can be done in a respectful and dignified way, by not being rude and nasty. I think that because of the anonimity (sp) of MN people, feel that they can say what the hell they want even if its rude and nasty, as its all faceless, but in RL they might show some restraint.

On the whole MN is wonderful, and I have had some great discussions and advice from people on here.

If you can't stand the heat...

This is not real life - you can switch off the computer, refuse to read AIBU, go and talk with real life friends who can support you.

It's not bullYing.

I don't think I've ever seen any bullying and I live on Aibu.

Two that spring to mind are this one

and this one

Of course it's bullying! Just because it's done via computer doesn't mean it's not!

"if a grown woman feels bullied by a bunch of strangers on an internet forum she need dto stop using and get a less stressful hobby, like tatting ( i have no idea what tatting is but it sounds suitable for delicate souls)"

What a shame if a nasty bunch of bullies ruin it for everyone else.

Internet forums should be for everyone, not just those with thick skins.

You don't have to be ridiculously oversensitive - just human - to feel bad if you are unjustly attacked by a group of people, even if it's just words on a screen.

so you now think you are being bullied on this thread? [passes op cross- stitch]

Oh right. Let's all group hug then and say fluffy things to each other. FGS. It's a message board. If you don't like the advice, don't take it!!!

Like others have said, you can report the poster. You can argue your point better. You can switch off.

What else do you want to happen????

I do not think I'm being bullied!

I'm talking about other threads. And lets get this straight it wasn't me on the receiving end then either.

seriously, there is no need to sit at a computer screen being insulted just hide the thread or walk away. there are soem posters who spend way too much time on her and too much time getting upset about nonsense

I think if you post asking for an opinion then you should be prepared to be given opinions. When I start seeing people posting "Just looking for your opinions if they agree with mine" then fair enough, until then - be prepared for flak!

I'm not convinced having a load of strangers either disbelieve you or criticise your post qualifies as bullying.

Chambers dictionary says "bully1 noun (bullies) a person who hurts, frightens or torments weaker or smaller people. verb (bullied, bullying) 1 to act like a bully towards someone; to threaten or persecute them. 2 (usually bully someone into something) to force them to do something they do not want to do.

I don't think disagreements on AIBU fall into that category. They're just people being unnecessarily blunt in voicing their opinion. For which they'll usually be checked or challenged by another poster.

If you don't like it, report it.

Bullying? Oh cop on, FFS! Turn off the computer.

"Let's all group hug then hmm and say fluffy things to each other."

I know someone was going to say that!

I love it that you can cunting swear here, and that people are frank and honest.

That's NOT what I'm talking about. I mean when a group of people gang up on someone and pick their story apart in a way that is exactly like bullying.

sorry you linked to this htread as an example of bullying

Mooo!

Oh. Wait. Bulling or bullying?

Ha! So it's okay to bully via the internet? What about on bebo or facebook which young people use? Is bullying okay there too? And, actually, if you take the "If you can't stand the heat..." approach, should this not apply to real life? Should we get out of schools and workplaces if we are bullied because we "can't stand the heat"??

That is the argument bullies use.

I rarely see bullying on mn, but I do remember being very shocked on one thread ages ago about a meet up... That was foul.

People will disagree. Fact. End of

On a message board, people don't feel the need to be nice to each other - they can be honest.

This is the nature of online banter.

It's not going to change. You are whingeing.

YANBU
I love mumsnet, it is funny, helpful and downright rude sometimes. However, there are certain posters who just post vile, nasty responses that seemed designed to belittle the OP. I have said this many times, so I completely agree with you.
I just feel sorry for them really, they must have such low self-esteem that they only way they can feel good about themselves is to bully people they don't know. Then others join in and it turns into full blown bear baiting.
I usually get sarcasm, wit and tongue in cheek posting but sometimes the vitriol is just too much to take.

Thanks for the definition. Most discussion on AIBU isn't bullying. But the stuff that worries me is exactly

"a person who hurts, frightens or torments weaker or smaller people."

and

"to act like a bully towards someone; ... persecute them."

Bully can happen on Bebo and facebook - these sites are not so anonymous, they can involve people being ganging up on and victimised over a period of time. They cannot be switched off so easily. The victim has had their personal space invaded.

MN is not the same.