AIBU to ask for alternatives to toxic old MN

[FannyBawz]

I’ve been here 15 years and just find it all so nasty and toxic a lot of the time. The witty responses have gradually been replaced by snidey bitchiness much of the time, honestly it’s so depressing. People get jumped on all the time for asking for support.

Thats before we get to the way that womens rights are treated plus the whole sex forum fiasco.

and sorry I am fed up with having dildos waved at me every time I sign on.

Nobody seems to give a shit really at MNHQ and they have a like it or lump it mentality to valid concerns.

I know I don’t have to stay here and So does anybody have any recommendations for other forums? I see a new one called FemVox has been set up and it looks promising.

what else is out there?

I’ve googled FemVox and can’t find anything - what’s the link please?

Unfortunately any fun posts get piled on by rabid troll hunters or people deliberately vinditivly trying to link threads.

I've been saying for such a long time in don't understand why we can't laugh on here.

Anyone having fun is treated with huge suspicion.

It's really deeply annoying and I don't know why mnhq let these joy suckers win.

Does anyone remember King Alfred's cake? Or Brian's yoni.
That wouldn't run now because it woud be inundated with the dementors this isn't real.... Hairy hands and so on.

You're right, I think I remember that too. Don't think it is around any more though.

I never suggesting ignoring PMs like that. Yes I advocated reporting them and said MNHQ should ban the perpetrators. I'm not quite sure why that's relevant though.

Considering just how big MN is and how much traffic they get I doubt they are worried at all about femvox.net

The internet is a big place and it's small potatoes really.

When menopausal is used as a derogatory term, and it is being used as such on this thread, I despair.

Following this thread, it's so toxic here

The misogyny is rife on MN in recent times. I have used it less and less and am looking for alternatives too.

The Attagirls.

Mumsnet can be harsh, but you could have just left.

I simply don't understand your motivation for needing an audience for this.

It also involves you saying some pretty insulting things about other people in the process, so a tad hypocritical.

I've been around 15 years and I think it's drastically changed. It wouldn't take much to moderate better and it would really change the tone. I miss the humour and the nuance of response. So many posters think they jus know everything about a person from one post. It's deeply unpleasant. I guess I'm still here because I hope it will swing back but if I'm honest I don't see that happening without more moderation.

I hear you OP, MN used to be full of clever humour and genuine support where needed, it seems to have neither these days, think I’m in the last throes of being around

I use mn for the varied views from knowledgeable intelligent and witty women, even if robust. Not sure I want a supportive echo chamber site.

Have been on mn for ages. Dd is now in uni, so it has been that long. Time flies.

It has changed in that there are so many posters I do not recognise. Appreciate people name change. I have never seen a dildo ad and skip over threads that don't interest me. I got roasted on a thread I previously started. Honestly, it was fine. I ignored those who were rude and assumed the worst of me. I was even polite in responding. You want all views, to avoid confirmation bias.

There's "all views" and there's "all views" though, isn't there?

I agree that an echo chamber isn't a good thing, but I'd rather do without some of the male opinions I've had thrown my way.

What are 'male opinions'?

Femvox sounds like a sanitary pad.
If people don't like it here they can just leave surely. I've been here for 19 years and yes it's huge in comparison but it just used to be very cliquey which wasn't nice at all. If you weren't a well known poster you were just invisible

femvox is a breathe of fresh air- well done!

Agreed. I was agreeing with most of the thread but that was very unkind and demoralising.

It was Mumschat. Gone.

I think it then migrated to The Attagirls, which has the same look.

Fair question. Misogynistic attitudes, then. From men and women. NAMALT NAWALT

I am referring to the condescension and contempt that I so often encounter when women who are in a vulnerable state post for help and are told how they are wrong.

I have been here since 2011 and agree there's been a change. Someone above mentioned it's been since the DM etc started publishing threads here as stories. That is the best explanation I've heard as the tone of some responses here has definitely moved in the direction of the comments on the DMs website (I follow it for my work).

I also think that there are a fair few men posting posing as women, and/or people who deeply dislike mothers, who were attracted by the feminism boards - which they generally don't agree with - and stayed to aggravate on other boards.

They're just theories, but I definitely have sensed a negative change that's increased over the past year or so.

Yesterday a woman was bashed for being a SAHM of young three children, two of whom were preschool twins, and not being able to leave a relationship. Being told she doesn't deserve anything in a divorce because she's contributed nothing. Her poor DH is out working so he should get the family home and keep his money. Never mind that he also wanted her to be a SAHM and sacrifice her career to look after the kids so he could get on in his. She was spoken to like she was abusing him by being a lazy, scrounging SAHM.

It wasn't just one or two poster ms with a few posts who were roundly told to bugger off, either. They wouldn't stop with bashing her. It was appalling. I couldn't finish reading the thread. In the past you'd have a poster posting a couple of times, but they'd get drowned out.

That thread exemplified the change to me. There seems to be an increasing number of persistent and vocal posters who don't seem to understand - or even want to understand - the realities and nuances of women's lives and insist on talking over everybody else.

So essentially menopausal women don’t get jokes, are not lovely and helpful and are unhappy? Criticising all menopausal women is an incredibly bitchy thing to do. Who needs men to disparage women when women can do it to themselves so well.

I’ve been here around 20 years and it has changed, it used to be such a funny but supportive place, now funny topics get jumped on my fun sponges and then deleted and people are just horrible for the sake of it.

Reminds me of a playground sometimes where the “tough kids” are in competition to determine who the cock of the school is

Yes I completely agree @daretodenim - I felt so sorry for that woman.

Agree on both counts. When I joined which was ages ago I remember posters ‘waving’ to each other and pretty much only responding to those they knew. It might have a different tone now but anyone can post their bit and it’ll get picked up