Husband being shown intimate videos of other women

[EG12391]

I was just in the car with my husband when we saw someone we know pass, he said something along the lines of the women being ‘naughty’, I asked why. He said that she sends videos of herself and another woman playing with sex toys to his friend so I asked if he had seen the videos (because he previously told me this friend showed pictures of his girlfriend at the time’s boobs), and he said he had seen the videos.
I told him I’m annoyed at this, he said he doesn’t watch them in a way that he takes interest in the girls, just that his friend shows them to him. But I asked how would he feel if my friend showed me pictures of naked local men, he said he obviously wouldn’t be happy.

AIBU to think that it’s completely disrespectful to me for my husband to be watching these videos? As well as 100% disrespectful to the woman in the videos if she hasn’t consented to this guy to show them around!!

And, AIBU to think it’s fair that my husband tells his grown ass friend that he doesn’t want to watch these videos of other women (unless he wants to, and I won’t be sticking around if so!), and it’s fair to me, his wife, that he doesn’t condone such childish behaviour.

Am I overreacting or is it not right for my husband to see videos/pictures of naked local women? I know he’s not doing it for pleasure or anything or he wouldn’t tell me, but still I feel disrespected that he’s condoning and allowing this behaviour which is potentially illegal if there isn’t consent (illegal on his friend’s behalf obviously!). And I just think my husband should be more respectful towards other women and myself considering he is a father of a daughter. I asked him how would he feel if our daughter (unfortunately) sent images to someone she trusted (when she’s older of course, she’s only 4 now!), and then that guy showed them to his friends. I just think it’s inappropriate and unfair on this woman and whatever other women who have unfortunately sent pictures or videos to his friend, and unfair for me and the other wives who’s husband has seen these videos!

Your husband and his friend are both disgusting. And, unless the women gave their permission (which seems doubtful), his friend is also a fucking criminal.

He's not "being shown" these videos OP.
He is actively choosing to watch them.
He is a disgusting sleaze & YANBU.

I told him I’m annoyed at this, he said he doesn’t watch them in a way that he takes interest in the girls, just that his friend shows them to him.
Oh he can fuck right off with his semantics. The lying tosspot.

But I asked how would he feel if my friend showed me pictures of naked local men, he said he obviously wouldn’t be happy.
Men like this always have double standards OP.

I'm so sorry he's chosen to behave like this, then shamelessly try to minimise it.
Take your time sorting how how you feel.
You are not obliged to discuss it with him or tell him your feelings until you are ready. He will only try to gaslight you out of them. The temerity & entitlement of him breezily expecting you to put up & shut up!

He's choosing to watch these videos - not 'being shown'.

He'll watch them again even if he tells you he wont (he'll just keep quiet about it).

He's pretty disgusting really isn't he?

Other than the consent element which of course is wrong is it any different to him watching porn? No.

YABU for the reasons stated in your OP.
YANBU as I doubt the women in the video consents to her videos being shared.

You're married to a sleaze.

I couldn't be married to someone as repulsive as your husband.

It's not disrespectful to you but to all women.

Are you going to stay with such a sleaze?

You are not over-reacting. He is disgusting and disrespectful.
And if he ties to to blame it on ‘peer pressure’ by his friend then tell him he is also weak

Poor man, having these videos forced upon him

Shame he is unable to make a decision himself, it's all coercion and he's the victim here

he said he doesn’t watch them in a way that he takes interest in the girls, just that his friend shows them to him.

Ah. Yeah, course.

He's taking you for a fool, OP

Is he being held down and forced to watch ? Then he should go to the police.

Or, just get rid of the sleazy inadequate fucker

They're both disgusting perverts who are violating women

A bit sleazy, but so is the woman sending videos of herself and her friend. She hasn't sent a private video of herself she's got her mate in on the act too - they probably don't care who sees them

Curious to know where the 'illegal' aspect comes in?

If you send explicit videos of yourself to someone, you have no control over what they do with them. You've put them in the public domain haven't you?

Fucking hell.
This is not something I would ever do, for anyone, but to victim-blame & slut-shame these women is disgusting.

She sent PRIVATE videos to a SPECIFIC recipient @SO224350
That recipient is sharing them - this is not just morally repugnant, it's downright illegal. Blaming women for men's illegal & sleazy behaviour is horrible - if you are female, you need to check your internalised misogyny.

The fact he called this lady 'naughty' would be enough to dump him. He's a misogynistic sleaze.

No.
If you send private explicit videos to somebody, you have a legal right to expect that content to remain private.
Sharing them without consent is illegal. How do you not know this? Have you seriously never heard of "revenge porn"? (aka illegal sharing of private images).
If you have daughters, google it, & be aware.
Hell - if you have sons - google it, & be aware.

My husband is watching pornographic videos of women he knows

There, fixed your title for you

Obviously the woman wants the friend to see the videos or she wouldn't be sending them

If your husband wants to watch them then that's his choice, you can't stop him. You can ask him not to but he can do what he wants

Someone we know (not a friend I hasten to add) sent my best friend an unsolicited dick pic and a video of himself wanking. She showed me the photo and video and we had a bit of a laugh in a WTAF way. Am I a sleazy perv?

If a.woman sends a man with whom she is not in a relationship a naughty video, of course he's going to show other men. I would be surprised if he didn't. Your DH didn't seek out the video and he told you about it. This honestly would not bother me but I would wonder about the mental health of a women sending stuff like that out to randoms when a) she is not in a relationship with the recipient or b) she is not being paid for it.

Yeah that’s gross and disrespectful. You are not unreasonable at all

Rank.

False equivalence @THisbackwithavengeance

Your friend received an UNSOLICITED dick pic.
I don't think anyone would blame her, or you, for laughing about it as a way of dealing with the unpleasantness.

This dude has consensually agreed to receive intimate vids. He knew what he was being sent, he welcomed it, & the women who send it have the right (a legal right, mark you) to expect him to keep it private.

Ok, I’m glad most agree with me so I don’t feel like a dramatic fool.

To the few that disagree and say it’s the same as watching porn, I suppose but then not so much.. porn is on the internet for all to access as they wish, they are also consenting to it being online for all to see, and the actors are highly likely not to be people you see walking around your local
area! Yes I’m disappointed that he’s watching videos of local women, but also concerned that he has a daughter and should consider how he’d feel if something like this happened to her because what his friend is doing IS illegal, and my husband is basically condoning this behaviour too!!

It is sleazy, I agree with the rest of you, what I’m going to do about it though is tough. Obviously something similar has happened before and I wasn’t happy back then, and obviously it’s still happening. I do think he should tell his friend how wrong it is to be sharing these videos and that it’s disrespectful to them, as well as me. My husband is generally a good person, maybe a bit stupid (since he tells me these things without thinking obviously!) so I do believe he doesn’t mean bad with watching them but I hope after I’ve had another serious conversation about it with him that he’ll realise how wrong it is.

To those who don’t think it’s wrong I am a bit confused. I don’t expect 35+ year old men to be doing stuff like this. Believe me I’m not prude at all, I have had many conversations about sex with my friends, my best friends who I’ve known since I was 3, we talk about so much and we know A LOT about each other’s experiences etc. but my friends have never shown any intimate photos or videos with me, nor me with them.
And certainly as a father to a daughter I expect him to not act like a teenage boy with his friends because he won’t like those types of boys being involved with our daughter I bet!

He has a daughter?

Jeez that makes the whole thing even worse.
I couldn't be with someone like that, let alone raise a daughter with him!

I think you should change the example to imagine your daughter is grown up. She sends a nude picture to her boyfriend and finds out he has shown it to all his friends. She feels violated and humiliated. How does your husband feel about the boyfriend sharing those photographs, or the friends passing comment on them? Then explain how this is what faces many teenage girls now and if he doesn't see anything wrong with it, then he is part of the problem.