Husband being shown intimate videos of other women

[EG12391]

I was just in the car with my husband when we saw someone we know pass, he said something along the lines of the women being ‘naughty’, I asked why. He said that she sends videos of herself and another woman playing with sex toys to his friend so I asked if he had seen the videos (because he previously told me this friend showed pictures of his girlfriend at the time’s boobs), and he said he had seen the videos.
I told him I’m annoyed at this, he said he doesn’t watch them in a way that he takes interest in the girls, just that his friend shows them to him. But I asked how would he feel if my friend showed me pictures of naked local men, he said he obviously wouldn’t be happy.

AIBU to think that it’s completely disrespectful to me for my husband to be watching these videos? As well as 100% disrespectful to the woman in the videos if she hasn’t consented to this guy to show them around!!

And, AIBU to think it’s fair that my husband tells his grown ass friend that he doesn’t want to watch these videos of other women (unless he wants to, and I won’t be sticking around if so!), and it’s fair to me, his wife, that he doesn’t condone such childish behaviour.

Am I overreacting or is it not right for my husband to see videos/pictures of naked local women? I know he’s not doing it for pleasure or anything or he wouldn’t tell me, but still I feel disrespected that he’s condoning and allowing this behaviour which is potentially illegal if there isn’t consent (illegal on his friend’s behalf obviously!). And I just think my husband should be more respectful towards other women and myself considering he is a father of a daughter. I asked him how would he feel if our daughter (unfortunately) sent images to someone she trusted (when she’s older of course, she’s only 4 now!), and then that guy showed them to his friends. I just think it’s inappropriate and unfair on this woman and whatever other women who have unfortunately sent pictures or videos to his friend, and unfair for me and the other wives who’s husband has seen these videos!

No, luckily I’ve never sent any kind of pictures or videos to anyone, ever!

Is being condescending a form of mysogyny?

If you didn’t want information, you shouldn’t have asked for it. Your refusal to engage with any information that challenges your biases is indicative of your entrenched internalised misogyny.

Dump and run. Psycho vibes from him. Has no respect for woman. I'd seriously ask him would he be happy if his friend showed him his mothers boobs. Would he say she's been naughty then?

Why have you told us about your porn watching habits and motivations? Is there a question in the OP that I missed?

What a bunch of sleazeballs! Can you report the fuckers?

You watch pornhub to see what people enjoy? Yet another male who's shit in bed because they believe the crap in porn.

Apologies if I overshared, it was to give context as to why some watch adult videos,
and it's related to the ops post.

Nah, half of it is made up, and omg not great research

Why do some posters go, omg at the responses when the responses given are related to the ops post ?

I was offering different perspectives as to why people would view different material ?

The moral to this scenario is to tell your daughter that if she gifts a boyfriend , partner, or husband with nude photos or sexually explicit videos of herself, it becomes a gift that belongs to him, and like any gift the owner is free to do with it what he chooses.

Some men would have more regard for the woman than to share such materials, but you are relying on the integrity of the man to whom you have chosen to give the gift.

The only way to be absolutely certain that these items will not be shared is to not give them. Anything else involves a certain amount of risk that the could be shared , lost, or stolen.

Yes it's sleazy.

Men definitely do trade pics and videos like these so really, the risk of sending or making them is not worth it.

Pardon, you mean your view is the only one that is correct?

I asked a genuine question as I thought the term misogynistic may have been incorrect. Today I came across the term "objectification" which is possibly sums up the behaviour of the OP's husband. I then tried to tie up objectification with mysogyny and to my surprise I found there a connection, though only according to "The Encyclopedia of Feminist Theories".

I learnt today that mysogyny can occur between men and women and women and women. You come across as being very condecending, therefore are you a mysogynist, or just a bully to anyone who dares to question your views?

That’s not what the OP’s post is about, though, is it? She hasn’t asked why people watch adult videos. In fact, in her comments, she’s stated she doesn’t really have a problem with porn. That’s most emphatically not what this post is about. And you know this, as you ended that comment with ‘but to get back to OP’s original point’.

And you’re surprised that we are reacting negatively to you randomly sharing your porn predilections? You genuinely thought we’d be interested in why you watch porn?

I overshared, and had not read all.of the ops posts, I hold my hands up in error and apologies

I didn’t give you just my view, though, did I?

If you’d actually read the resources provided, you’d have ‘discovered’ objectification (which is somehow a new concept to you?) at the time - so clearly you didn’t even bother to read them. See above re refusal to engage being indicative of internalised misogyny.

And, again, you’d looked up ‘internalised misogyny’ yesterday, you’d also have discovered a few things. But you didn’t want to, did you? And pointing that out is ‘bullying’? Interesting.

So, now you’re happy to expand the meaning of ‘misogyny’ beyond the dictionary definition to cover saying anything to you that you don’t like…but not to revenge porn. Fascinating.

If I come across as condescending, it’s because I think I’m better than you.

<casually exits leaves to investigate the Bad Dragon toys range>

As per my earlier post on this thread @Hawkins001 - unfortunately you’ve assumed wrongly when it comes to Pornhub.

Check the Testimony heard by members of the Canadian Parliament & by members of the US Congress - & AFAIK, all that’s without considering deepfakes. PornHub banned them in 2018, yes - but CSAM is illegal & somehow it not only does it abound they’re obstructive about removing it.

That’s very well put, thank you. Wasn’t life easier when mobile phones didn’t have cameras! Or when they weren’t even around to begin with!

I think a lot of nice, average men would look at it if their friend said “ hey check this out”. I think a lot wouldn’t necessarily give it a second thought. And I’m not talking particularly sleazy men just your average Joe. I bet many husbands of posters here would look at it given the chance. The question is what are you going to do about it? There’s always so much bluster about “raising the bar” etc but I’m curious to see if you’re actually going to pack your bags and go.