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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH is being very unreasonable here?

60 replies

FuckOffWithYourMothTattoo · 13/08/2022 12:55

Firstly this is lighthearted (I hate that you have to spell that out on Mumsnet these days! And also I don’t want to hear any “YABU to get tattoos anyway as I don’t like them myself and want to give you my opinion even though it’s not about me or even relevant” as DH and I love tattoos and both already have them)

Anyway. I really really dislike butterflies and moths - it’s the fluttering wings <shudder> as well as their scary weird bodies and evil eyes. It’s not quite a phobia as I have a “proper” phobia of something else which is much more awful, but I am scared of them to the point I have to run away close my eyes if I see one outside and when I got my last tattoo they actually had stuffed and framed moths in the studio and I (somewhat embarrassingly) had to sit where I couldn’t see them.

DH has raised the subject of getting a tattoo of the moth from Silence of the Lambs. As he already has lots of tattoos this would have to be on his chest, and his tattoos are black and grey so said moth would be even more sinister IMO. Yes yes his body his choice but on his chest I would have no choice but to see it especially in situations like having a shag where it could even touch my skin.

DH has suggested we ask MNers who is being unreasonable here. Annoyingly I can’t enable voting on the app but it doesn’t matter as I will be telling DH the vote said that he is being unreasonable anyway Grin

YABU DH can have his sinister moth tattoo.

YANBU DH should not be getting a sinister moth tattoo

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 13/08/2022 12:58

He can get any tattoo he likes but he doesn't get to complain if it means less sex.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/08/2022 12:58

Think it seems perfectly fair that if he gets the tattoo, he doesn't get to have sex with you again. His body, his consent, his choice, your body, your consent, your choice.

ChrisTrepidation · 13/08/2022 12:58

YANBU. Why would he even want that tattoo? Creepy as all fuck!

ThanksAntsThants · 13/08/2022 12:59

I don’t like moths either and that would freak me out. it’s his body, his choice, obviously, but I would hope my partner would decide against getting a tattoo of something I was terrified of.

Dotcheck · 13/08/2022 13:02

I actually think you’ll get desensitised to it. Or him in general, either way, you’ll be fine ;)

stayathomegardener · 13/08/2022 13:02

Really insensitive Mr fuckoffwith
I absolutely loathe moths, give me fierce dogs, large spiders etc but no I just don't do moths.

If my DH was even contemplating this I'd think he didn't take my feelings into consideration at all and be questioning his feelings towards me in general.

ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 13/08/2022 13:02

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/08/2022 12:58

He can get any tattoo he likes but he doesn't get to complain if it means less sex.

Agreed

yesimbragging · 13/08/2022 13:05

Are you sure he's not doing it in some weird attempt at using the flooding technique so you overcome your phobia? Grin

MadMadMadamMim · 13/08/2022 13:05

Agree with the others. Get your sinister moth tattoo, DH. Suck up the fact that touching you makes your wife shudder with revulsion and you never have sex again.

PotWatcher · 13/08/2022 13:09

I think he should respect your feelings.

Topseyt123 · 13/08/2022 13:11

I can think of nicer tattoos than moths. I'm not a fan of moths, though I do like a nice, colourful butterfly.

So YANBU, though ultimately the choice will be his. Suggest he puts it somewhere where you won't immediately have to see it, like on his arse! 😉🤣

ImAvingOops · 13/08/2022 13:11

Yanbu. It's utterly grim that he would even consider this knowing how you feel. Do me it would be the equivalent of a large spider and would make me feel physically sick. Definitely not something a person who presumably wants you to be attracted to them should do!

This isn't lighthearted btw, even if you say it is in the OP. It just isn't!

bellac11 · 13/08/2022 13:12

Surely he could just wear a t shirt and cover it up

ImAvingOops · 13/08/2022 13:17

He would need to wear a T-shirt at all times them @bellac11. Most people like to get out the shower, walk around their own bedroom in minimal clothing, sunbathe on the beach, swim etc and not be thinking of covering up all the time.Doesn't do much for intimacy in a marriage if he has to hide his body from his wife so as not to make her feel sick and scared. Mad that a man would ever consider doing that to themselves knowing their wife has such a visceral reaction.

TooHotToTangoToo · 13/08/2022 13:20

His body, his choice, but your body is your choice, so if he has a sinister moth on his chest and you don't want it touching you, and you both want sex, he'll have to deal with either doggy style sex and you not touching or looking at his chest

Christmasiscominghohoho · 13/08/2022 13:32

Yabu

TemperTrap · 13/08/2022 13:35

I like tattoos but I think that's the shit one so on that basis alone, he shouldn't get it.

Add in your feelings about it and to go ahead would make him a bit of an arsehole tbh.

Greensleeves · 13/08/2022 13:38

I can see the logic behind all the lovely, reasonable "his body = his choice, your body = your choice", but I tend more towards "he's being a cunt", personally. He knows perfectly well he's married to someone with a moth phobia. I can't imagine my DH even considering something so fucking insensitive and cruel. Is he usually this horrible?

Original poster
FuckOffWithYourMothTattoo · 13/08/2022 13:41

Fuck me some people didn't take the lighthearted on board Hmm As DH and I are laughing about this ourselves I can assure you it actually is.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the shagging part Grin I don't think I would like to shag someone wearing a T shirt and nothing else, bit of a passion killer although not as much as Sinister Moth? I think knowing there was a moth tattoo on his arse would also put me off quite a bit Grin Also if we went swimming together I would have to see Sinister Moth and it would be inflicted on innocent people .

DH and I already have widely different tattoo styles but the specifics are a bit outing. (If I'd not mentioned shagging I could have been more outing Grin) His are black and grey grown up style and mine are bright coloured kawaii style. We both objectively appreciate and like each other's as they are amazing tattoos but can't bridge the moth gap Smile

This is a picture of Sinister Moth. DH said it's less scary as you can't see the moth's face. Not helping Grin

AIBU to think DH is being very unreasonable here?
OP posts:
Throwaway2222 · 13/08/2022 13:41

His body his choice. End of conversation.

Phineyj · 13/08/2022 13:42

A friend of mine got a spider tattoo recently. It's not huge or particularly black and it's on her foot. That bothered me a little but if it was DH...bleugh!

YANBU in the slightest.

Cherchezlaspice · 13/08/2022 13:45

FuckOffWithYourMothTattoo · 13/08/2022 13:41

Fuck me some people didn't take the lighthearted on board Hmm As DH and I are laughing about this ourselves I can assure you it actually is.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the shagging part Grin I don't think I would like to shag someone wearing a T shirt and nothing else, bit of a passion killer although not as much as Sinister Moth? I think knowing there was a moth tattoo on his arse would also put me off quite a bit Grin Also if we went swimming together I would have to see Sinister Moth and it would be inflicted on innocent people .

DH and I already have widely different tattoo styles but the specifics are a bit outing. (If I'd not mentioned shagging I could have been more outing Grin) His are black and grey grown up style and mine are bright coloured kawaii style. We both objectively appreciate and like each other's as they are amazing tattoos but can't bridge the moth gap Smile

This is a picture of Sinister Moth. DH said it's less scary as you can't see the moth's face. Not helping Grin

That is terrifying! And I don’t even mind moths. YANBU!

Original poster
FuckOffWithYourMothTattoo · 13/08/2022 13:46

Bloody hell what the fuck is wrong with MN these days.

It's meant to be FUNNY.

<sulks>

Do I really need to add the disclaimer that DH wouldn't really inflict Sinister Moth as he actually isn't a controlling selfish insensitive horrible arsehole. We laughed a lot having the AIBU conversation this morning and foolishly I thought MNers would find it funny. Why is everyone so fucking grumpy. Is it the heat? It is very hot.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/08/2022 13:50

FuckOffWithYourMothTattoo · 13/08/2022 13:46

Bloody hell what the fuck is wrong with MN these days.

It's meant to be FUNNY.

<sulks>

Do I really need to add the disclaimer that DH wouldn't really inflict Sinister Moth as he actually isn't a controlling selfish insensitive horrible arsehole. We laughed a lot having the AIBU conversation this morning and foolishly I thought MNers would find it funny. Why is everyone so fucking grumpy. Is it the heat? It is very hot.

I prostrate myself humbly at your feet, OP Grin

Yes, it's the heat. Mostly. It's also (in my case) the fact that I have a severe similar phobia (larvae, not actual insects) and if my DH even suggested this I would have his bollocks for earrings

Sorry I missed the light-hearted thing Cake Wine

Topseyt123 · 13/08/2022 13:51

FuckOffWithYourMothTattoo · 13/08/2022 13:41

Fuck me some people didn't take the lighthearted on board Hmm As DH and I are laughing about this ourselves I can assure you it actually is.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the shagging part Grin I don't think I would like to shag someone wearing a T shirt and nothing else, bit of a passion killer although not as much as Sinister Moth? I think knowing there was a moth tattoo on his arse would also put me off quite a bit Grin Also if we went swimming together I would have to see Sinister Moth and it would be inflicted on innocent people .

DH and I already have widely different tattoo styles but the specifics are a bit outing. (If I'd not mentioned shagging I could have been more outing Grin) His are black and grey grown up style and mine are bright coloured kawaii style. We both objectively appreciate and like each other's as they are amazing tattoos but can't bridge the moth gap Smile

This is a picture of Sinister Moth. DH said it's less scary as you can't see the moth's face. Not helping Grin

I think it is light-hearted. Some replies are taking it way too seriously and trying to give you relationship advice when it is hardly LTB territory.

I still think that his arse would be the best place for his moth. 😎🤣

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