Estate agent bollocks or Booker worthy prose?

[ParentsandParents]

Came across this brilliant / terrible description of a house on Right Move.

An appealing property that catches the eye from the kerb, offering a heady mix of designer charm with modern practicality.....

and so on and on

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/120291311#/?channel=RES_BUY

Genius marketing or bilge?

It’s a horrible house - needs loads of work! The one near Manchester is nice though.

Agents description of their other homes for sale are just as ‘creative’

@ufucoffee

It's as funny as the price. Both are ridiculous

The price is normal for the area.

@SwelegantParty

Nah, this one's better -

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/119637026

I particularly like the leafy views that entreat through the (first floor) window....

Oh yes this is much better...

I particularly like Wooden flooring extends underfoot....

@ChikaCherryCola

The worst I ever saw was being sold by (I think) EweMove. It was written from the perspective of the house, so like "I'm a cosy three bed semi and I can't wait for you to make me your home". I've just had a look on their site and I can't see any written like that so maybe it was one-off or maybe they altered their approach. It was weird, though!

Ooooh we have Ewemove who market houses near us and yes they are the wankiest write ups I have ever seen

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/118826963#/?channel=RES_BUY

Beautiful house but small garden for such a big house but Ewemove still manage to describe it well

Along with the superb accommodation, the crowning glory of this house has to be the south-east facing rear garden, where the creativity of the current owner's hand is once more evident. The vendor has completely transformed what was an average garden into an urban oasis. Decked and surrounded by flora and fauna, there are two separate areas for relaxing and entertaining, including a pond and a sheltered area for when the British weather shows its true colours. Maximum gain for minimal effort with this low-maintenance space that can be used all year round!

Makes me want to pull my eyes out!!

Did Vladimir Putin choose that dining table?

This is the opening line of one near me

'Come In and 'Wine' Down... take full advantage of the 'happy hours' you deserve.... This converted ex public house certainly has a story to tell.. certainly 'raises the bar' and is well worth a 'shot'...

Luckly it doesn't carry on in the same vain in the full description.

@Heytheredemons

I genuinely find descriptions like that on overpriced or odd looking properties and yep, clicked on link, and a slightly ugly white cube came up

Ugly white cubes are very much like the ugly, characterless grey cubes that are replacing nice houses.

That one isn't an ugly white cube (like Waites boxes) it was once a very nice house that has some hideous wallpaper and once had good sized rooms which have been made into multiple bedrooms to cram in as many children as possible by the look of it.

It's not overpriced for the area, and is not a hideous new build cube.

The description is pants, like the wallpaper.

Am I the only person who thinks this house needs gutting… little to nothing needs doing, yeah right.

Not quite sure when Zone four/far reaches of the Piccadilly Line became central London.

Decor is a bit pimp my house but house looks okay.

Balcony ... offers a window to the outdoors. It does but so does a window. Perhaps it's other feature is to offer outdoor space via French doors?

Eeeek at the yellow dining chairs and pink kitchen appliances! And the master bed .

Ewemove are famous for there ridiculous descriptions, this one is also creative with their photography, lots of pink skys www.ewemove.com/property-search/?_fqidqb=d9b51c82eb&_wp_http_referer=%2Fproperty-search%2F%3F_fqidqb%3Dd9b51c82eb&submitted=submitted&lat=52.475769&lon=-0.9215169999999944&location=Market+Harborough&tenure=Buy&cp=1

*their

Weird headboard on pic 7. Never seen anything like it.

They like a feature wall, don't they?

I saw recently:

'the previous owners have removed some fitments creating a wonderful opportunity for the new owners to really make this space their own!'

= the kitchen has been ripped out.

@September29th
@ufucoffee It's as funny as the price. Both are ridiculous

The price is normal for the area.

I'm from the North. The price is ridiculous to me

The house is pretty ordinary, needs new kitchen, bathroom and decorating throughout! The write up is really over the top, I would prefer a factual write up without the waxing lyrical.

@Aprilx

The house is pretty ordinary, needs new kitchen, bathroom and decorating throughout! The write up is really over the top, I would prefer a factual write up without the waxing lyrical.

I don't like the wallpaper etc, not to my taste, but no, it doesn't need lots of work and gutting.

This house has a good working functional clean kitchen and bathroom. There is 100% nothing wrong with them, EXCEPT you might not like the colour of the cupboards or the tiles.

So if you moved in with not a spare penny, the house is fine and you could live in it for 20 years.

My parents used to buy houses that needed work.
Actually some of them were literal ruins

It needs work /new kitchen and bathroom when they are not functional, or clean, or when eg the electrics need replacing.

There is a huge difference, and i am always a bit shocked at how often people say - Oh needs a new kicthen because the current one if black and white and they don't like that. What a waste

I live around this area and like to look at the properties that come up so randomly saw this listing yesterday. Didn't much like the house so didn't read the blurb. I don't generally read the blurb though learnt the hard way that EAs r not to be trusted.

@SwelegantParty

Nah, this one's better -

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/119637026

I particularly like the leafy views that entreat through the (first floor) window....

What a lovely house! I don't think it has much garden though. The estate agent's write-up gave me toothache it was so sickly.

£1,100,000 for a house with 5 bedrooms and one bathroom?

I saw a house write-up recently where the photos were mainly of nice furniture, fancy light fittings and vases of flowers. Presumably the actual house was pretty ordinary so the agent was advertising an aspirational lifestyle instead. Just show me the rooms, I can decide on my own furniture, thanks