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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guy I'm dating thinks JKR's writing should be boycotted but MJ's music is fine

74 replies

Tavelo · 09/01/2022 23:18

Had a few dates. Alright fellow, easy to talk to, but overall not much chemistry so I don't think it'll be going anywhere anyway, just wanted to hear your views on this.

On these dates, a couple of times the issues relating to transgenderism have come up (brought up by him) and each time he seems to suggest the argument on the side of the (extremist) TRAs, which as I know a few of you here are acquainted with.

JKR did come up and he expressed disapproval. I didn't add much except make it clear that I was somewhat familiar with the whole issue and also that I don't necessarily think JKR has done anything wrong. This didn't really go anywhere. But on the same evening Michael Jackson came up, and after we both acknowledged what happened there, we had a brief conversation on it where we agreed that the art can be separated from the artist, although these things are messy.

It strikes me looking back on the conversation that he has managed to separate the art from the artist for a convicted child abuser but not for someone who has merely annoyed a few people on twitter.

Today, while talking about the Olympics in general, I shared a thought of mine relating to how it's interesting that although the athletes work very hard which is admirable, there is always physical advantage due to the genes of people. I wasn't even thinking about trans issues while saying this, but he added how that is why he thinks there's an argument for allowing trans athletes into the category of the sex they transitioned to. That part of the discussion sort of ended after we agreed there isn't any easy solution to it.

I want to share this because I find it quite disheartening that someone seems to have heard one side of this issue and be very convinced. I imagine it is another example of how almost everyone is quite misogynistic, whether they know it or not.

I'm a very laid back and open minded person but AIBU to not tolerate this nonsense.

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 09/01/2022 23:20

It’s a man’s world still :(

PlanktonsComputerWife · 09/01/2022 23:21

What a creep.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/01/2022 23:24

YANBU.
Apart from the misogyny, I wouldn't want to be with someone that illogical.

RogueV · 09/01/2022 23:26

Dump him

Lacedwithgrace · 09/01/2022 23:28

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.

Bagamoyo1 · 09/01/2022 23:29

@Aussiegirl123456

It’s a man’s world still :(
This.

Sadly, the bottom line is that if it upsets men then it has to be banned, and if it upsets women then it doesn’t matter.
Kirsty Macoll singing “you cheap lousy faggot” is edited out, but Britney wearing school uniform with her shirt unbuttoned singing “hit me baby one more time” is just fine.

Bagamoyo1 · 09/01/2022 23:31

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
JKR should be celebrated and congratulated.
arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2022 23:32

He sounds thick as mince. Next.

sst1234 · 09/01/2022 23:32

MJ was acquitted at trial. She hasn’t been tried for anything, because she speaks sense. So that where we are both.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 09/01/2022 23:34

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
How dare she share her thoughts? She knows nothing of being a wopund, obviously.
HollowTalk · 09/01/2022 23:36

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
Of course she doesn’t share her every thought! Don’t be so stupid. She has a right to say what she thinks just as everyone else does.
Alekto · 09/01/2022 23:36

Those two opinions are entirely compatible and both are red flags

SpilltheTea · 09/01/2022 23:36

MJ was not convicted and JKR said nothing transphobic. People really can't be arsed to fact check.

PurpleRainlnTheSky · 09/01/2022 23:37

@sst1234

MJ was acquitted at trial. She hasn’t been tried for anything, because she speaks sense. So that where we are both.
THIS! I love MJ and his music, and I love JKR/Harry Potter.

So you are both being unreasonable!

You do sound incompatible though. Probably best to end it now.

Original poster
Tavelo · 09/01/2022 23:41

I genuinely didn't know MJ was acquitted. That was an oversight on my part.

OP posts:
Freecuthbert · 09/01/2022 23:53

Of course YANBU. I couldn't date someone who is stupid enough to think JKR is transphobic or anyone who believes men can be women.

BoredtoTiers · 09/01/2022 23:56

A bloke wanging on about transgender issues unprompted (on either side of the argument) in early / casual dating would be a major turn-off for me. Unless he somehow has skin in the game, it seems a really odd thing to bring up multiple times without prompting (but I've been with DH for along time, so perhaps this is normal nowadays).

Anyone with sense knows it's a hot button issue so pretty odd to raise it unless it's something central to you (so be prepared to hear a lot about it) or you're using it to somehow gauge the acceptability of your date's beliefs.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 10/01/2022 00:02

Without getting into it too much, could his thinking be that JKR financially benefits from her work at this point so boycotting would impact her, whereas MJ is dead so he won't be benefitting from royalties of his music now?

Ionlydomassiveones · 10/01/2022 01:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 10/01/2022 01:13

Why are you still dating him?

Unless he is Prince Charming in all other respects and provides a written guarantee of three orgasms per night, I’d kick him to the kerb.

SlidingInto2022sDMs · 10/01/2022 06:43

MJ wasn't convicted. So you both must not have 'discussed what happened' factually.

That said, are you asking people's opinion on whether to dump someone you believe to have abhorrent views? If you're asking, then you must not have strong opinions on both.

ButtonSister · 10/01/2022 07:46

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
@LacedWithGrace Please tell me what she has said that is wrong? I assume you're referring to her alleged transphobia. All I have seen is her supporting sex based rights which are protected characteristics under the Equality Act. Is standing up for women inherently transphobic, is that what you think? All I have seen is people alleging JKR is transphobic, I have not seen a word written by her that is transphobic.
Whatsnewpussyhat · 10/01/2022 07:49

Yabu for actually seeing him again after the first round of misogynistic bullshit.

GoodnightGrandma · 10/01/2022 07:51

How can you spend another minute in his company ? Dump him !

WarmForDecember · 10/01/2022 07:52

I automatically distance myself from anyone who says they think JKR is transphobic. It's like a flashing neon light above their head saying they are a bit stupid, a bit of a sheep, or that we take polar opposite positions in the whole 'debate'.