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AIBU?

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Original poster

Guy I'm dating thinks JKR's writing should be boycotted but MJ's music is fine

74 replies

Tavelo · 09/01/2022 23:18

Had a few dates. Alright fellow, easy to talk to, but overall not much chemistry so I don't think it'll be going anywhere anyway, just wanted to hear your views on this.

On these dates, a couple of times the issues relating to transgenderism have come up (brought up by him) and each time he seems to suggest the argument on the side of the (extremist) TRAs, which as I know a few of you here are acquainted with.

JKR did come up and he expressed disapproval. I didn't add much except make it clear that I was somewhat familiar with the whole issue and also that I don't necessarily think JKR has done anything wrong. This didn't really go anywhere. But on the same evening Michael Jackson came up, and after we both acknowledged what happened there, we had a brief conversation on it where we agreed that the art can be separated from the artist, although these things are messy.

It strikes me looking back on the conversation that he has managed to separate the art from the artist for a convicted child abuser but not for someone who has merely annoyed a few people on twitter.

Today, while talking about the Olympics in general, I shared a thought of mine relating to how it's interesting that although the athletes work very hard which is admirable, there is always physical advantage due to the genes of people. I wasn't even thinking about trans issues while saying this, but he added how that is why he thinks there's an argument for allowing trans athletes into the category of the sex they transitioned to. That part of the discussion sort of ended after we agreed there isn't any easy solution to it.

I want to share this because I find it quite disheartening that someone seems to have heard one side of this issue and be very convinced. I imagine it is another example of how almost everyone is quite misogynistic, whether they know it or not.

I'm a very laid back and open minded person but AIBU to not tolerate this nonsense.

OP posts:
Omicrone · 10/01/2022 07:54

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
Urgh.....women.....sharing their thoughts.

Shouldn't be allowed....

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2022 07:56

Abhorrent views aside, I wouldn't go past a few dates with someone who discussed these things on the first few dates. Each to their own, but for me it shows a desperate need to prove how intelligent they are (often the opposite), which shows insecurity.

LadyCleathStuart · 10/01/2022 07:57

@WarmForDecember

I automatically distance myself from anyone who says they think JKR is transphobic. It's like a flashing neon light above their head saying they are a bit stupid, a bit of a sheep, or that we take polar opposite positions in the whole 'debate'.
I agree.
Testingprof · 10/01/2022 07:59

@SpilltheTea

MJ was not convicted and JKR said nothing transphobic. People really can't be arsed to fact check.
I voted YABU based on this.

I’d dump the tosser though.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 10/01/2022 07:59

Nah he’s a nob, throw him back. Anyone stupid enough to think differences within sexes are the same as differences between sexes is mind meltingly stupid

Guy I'm dating thinks JKR's writing should be boycotted but MJ's music is fine
aLilNonnyMouse · 10/01/2022 08:04

The divide of where it's ok to support a problematic artist tends to be "is my consumption going to put money in this person's pocket that can be used to harm people".

MJ is dead so no matter what he can't take that money and harm children with it.

JKR is alive and well and supporting her work means giving her more money and a bigger platform to share her views.

Branleuse · 10/01/2022 08:07

Is he worth talking to more on the subject?

HermioneWeasley · 10/01/2022 08:11

He sounds like an absolute misogynist melt.

merrymouse · 10/01/2022 08:14

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
Given that you are happy to share your thoughts, I’d be interested to know what you think JKR has said?
icelollycraving · 10/01/2022 08:15

If this is what dating looks like, I’d definitely stay single.

MsBananas · 10/01/2022 08:17

Opinionated thick men are the worst. I certainly couldn’t shag one.

JakeyRolling · 10/01/2022 08:17

Wear that red flag as a cape and fly outta there.

Dude is a misogynist who puts male feelings above female reality.

Ponoka7 · 10/01/2022 08:18

These aren't random conversions, he's putting you in your place. Women are no longer second class citizens, we've dropped down to third place, behind transwomen. Let's hope the boxing and fighting world in the UK stays as it is, or we will have to watch women being beaten to death by transwomen.
I don't really understand why no-one gives a shit that the stones and Bowie po assed around 13 year old girls.
I feel that he's sucking you in and you need to end it quickly. You are considering what he is saying and that's dangerous.

Ghostsintheshelf · 10/01/2022 08:24

although the athletes work very hard which is admirable, there is always physical advantage due to the genes of people. I wasn't even thinking about trans issues while saying this, but he added how that is why he thinks there's an argument for allowing trans athletes into the category of the sex they transitioned to.

I would think this is the reason not to allow male athletes to compete in sports for females. The point of sporting competitions is to find the athlete who, through a combination of hard work and out of the ordinary genes, is able to perform better than others in that category.
By allowing males into female sports, you can have a male who doesn't work hard (so many of the transwomen who win are patently out of shape) and whose body is a perfectly normal male body, win...

But, in general, I hope you end it. He's already shown you he's at best irrational, and at worst, someone who thinks women's roles are to ensure men can do whatever they want. Not relationship material.

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/01/2022 08:29

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
@Lacedwithgrace

Ever heard of free speech? Ever heard JKR actually say say anything that promotes hate or is transphobic?

We'll wait..

OhWhyNot · 10/01/2022 08:30

Reads a celebs Twitter deep and meaningful statement written by their PR team and takes that as being the truth

That would be enough to put by off spending time with someone (excusable if very young adults/teenagers)

TheMarzipanDildo · 10/01/2022 08:31

“Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore.”

She’s very considered on Twitter and not even a regular poster, hardly some drunken ranter.

Plus, she is standing up for women and children’s rights and safeguarding. That takes her about as far away from what MJ was alleged to have done as it is possible to get.

SolasAnla · 10/01/2022 08:44

Bloke is "rationalistic" about an allegation of rich male grooming parents to gain sexual access to children.
Bloke is not "rationalistic" about rich woman saying women and children deserve protection, demands of males have access to safe spaces for women and children is wrong and he thinks males have a right to compete against women and girls by pretending that a male body is the same a female body.
I vote for not a good partner to be risking having children with. So if the relationship involves acts of (potential) sexual reproduction; tell him it's not you, it's him.🤷🏼‍♀️

Lalliella · 10/01/2022 08:49

@Lacedwithgrace

MJ is dead and while I think he's guilty, it's easier for some to separate him from his music. Jk Rowling however is alive and continues to share her every thought and is much more difficult to ignore. Both should be boycotted to be fair, why he thinks MJ is fine while JKR isn't makes no sense.
MJ was found not guilty so is not guilty in the eye of the law.

JKR has expressed opinions TRAs don’t like. Why exactly do you think she should be boycotted? Can you point to something she’s said that would make her deserve that?

HereticFanjo · 10/01/2022 08:58

@arethereanyleftatall

He sounds thick as mince. Next.
This. Truthfully this is one of those times I can barely suppress an eyeroll but it's really useful when people show you upfront that they're not critical thinkers if that matters to you. It would matter to me a lot and we would therefore be incompatible.
HereticFanjo · 10/01/2022 09:02

And like others I'll wait for JKR's 'transphobia' to be laid out. Only I won't hold my breath because there isn't any and it's never explained.

Frenchfurze · 10/01/2022 09:03

Dopey AND misogynist? Throw him back.

HaroldMeeker · 10/01/2022 09:09

Listen to him, move on and find someone who respects you.

ButtonSister · 10/01/2022 09:14

I wonder why when a person on here or Twitter claims that JKR is transphobic they can never provide supporting evidence? Hmm

YourVagesty · 10/01/2022 09:21

Clearly somebody who forms his opinions based on whatever Twitter says.

I know it sounds like you won't be meeting again, but whenever I have these conversations about JK, I always ask people to specify what exactly it is that she's said that they object to. And I ask if they've read her essay.

I've never got sense out of anybody yet.