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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brothers partner choosing not to get Covid jab means I can't see my parents this Christmas.

54 replies

CrabApple5 · 26/12/2021 11:12

So my brother met his now fiance 5months ago.She's from C19 Omni central in London and has a daughter 9 they have travelled up here for Xmas . I am very vulnerable to C19 as I have a generic disorder meaning though I've been double and boosted i m Still vulnerable to catching and getting ill if I caught this disease.We don't Know my brothers girlfriend fiance .My parents are in their 70s. Because of her she is not only putting my parents more at risk, I can't see them at all this Christmas as I would have done.Because it takes a fortnight for symptoms to show.My brother is Selfish and neither will do a lateral flow even before they go.AIBU?.

OP posts:
BiggerBoat1 · 26/12/2021 11:14

She's a twat.

Hope you can have a nice post Christmas celebration with your parents.

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2021 11:15

It takes a fortnight for symptoms to show?

Even vaccinated people can pass on Covid. Yes, they should take a lateral flow test.

madisonbridges · 26/12/2021 11:16

They're both twats.

jerometheturnipking · 26/12/2021 11:16

Surely it's the refusal to take a LFT that's causing the issue rather than her not having been jabbed? The jab doesn't prevent you from catching or transmitting Covid.

happytoday73 · 26/12/2021 11:16

Your parents are key here.. They need to set the rules for staying at their house...

Fortnight for symptoms to show is very old news..its neatly always much much faster... . Why don't you meet your parents outside somewhere and ask them to take a LFT beforehand
Situation isn't great but there are possible solutions and you are punishing yourself and parents

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 26/12/2021 11:19

Punishing herself and parents?

Which part of OPs health issue did you choose to ignore?

Anyone who chooses to be careful because if their health issues really doesn't need to be told they are being selfish. Think that through...

Teacupsandtoast · 26/12/2021 11:22

The vax status isnt so much the issue as their refusal to test? Especially in London, I'd be hoping and expecting people to do a lft before they entered someone elses home, it's just common sense

Borland · 26/12/2021 11:25

Not everyone from London is automatically going to be covid positive unvaxxed or not. This is really an issue with your parents not the girlfriend, they are putting her visit above your health concerns - the girlfriend probably has no idea about your health issues.

mum11970 · 26/12/2021 11:29

Her being unvaccinated is not stopping you visiting your parents. Your brother and her refusing to do a lateral flow is! Our household all have Covid at the moment and vaccination status goes from unvaccinated right up to triple vaxxed. I’m the only one triple vaxxed, am not vulnerable in the slightest (workout/run daily) and am suffering the most out of everyone. Covid was probably first caught by the double jabbed and the last to be infected were the unvaxxed and single vaxxed people. Quit trying to blame the unvaxxed for everything. Being triple vaxxed has not helped me in the slightest and I will now refuse to have any more.

CommanderBurnham · 26/12/2021 11:30

Honestly I'd give her a wide berth right now. Omicron is rife, and very contagious. I've only just tested positive after 5 days of symptoms so I can only guess the number walking around who are asymptomatic or pre- symptomatic.

Unlit at Ely it's your parents' decision as long as they are clear about the risk

I've been pretty stoic about the whole thing but with Omicron, it's different.

CinemaPantomime · 26/12/2021 11:37

Symptoms can show after 2 days. It's the refusal to do a LFT that's the problem - what's their reason?
We had same for DH's big birthday - asked all the guests to do a LFT and one family refused. We told them they couldn't come unless they did a LFT for everyone's peace of mind and as we had guests with vulnerable close family. Of course LFTs aren't fail safe as they do miss some cases but they pick up most. Our "friends" haven't spoken to us since.
Your parents absolutely should be prioritising you and insisting on LFTs.

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2021 11:39

Because it takes a fortnight for symptoms to show.

It doesn’t, though.

Just get your parents to LFT before you go over to visit.

Krustykrabpizza · 26/12/2021 11:41

I'm a bit confused, the jab doesn't stop you passing it on so how is her Vax status relevant?

They should obviously for lat flows though

Bagelsandbrie · 26/12/2021 11:41

If you’ve been jabbed I don’t see the issue. (I’m clinically extremely vulnerable myself). Getting jabbed or not doesn’t stop people passing it on. If you’ve been jabbed it should stop you getting seriously unwell with it.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 26/12/2021 11:42

Vaccination doesnt stop people from carrying and spreading the virus. Your brother's gf is of no more risk to you and your family than anyone else, vaccinated or not.

The point of the vaccine is that it stops you getting very sick, which stops you needing hospital treatment, which keeps our hospital operational for all, which allows us to go on with life.

The vaccines are to keep healthcare available for all needs. Without vaccines, hospitals are full. If hospitals are full then all treatments are cancelled and people die from everything other than covid as well. With people unable to get treatment, and more people in hospital with covid, the economy starts to shut down due to lack of healthy workers.

The vaccine is for that. Not to stop it spreading.

Your brother's gf being unvaccinated has no direct effect on you and your family. It simply fucks the country up its she and all her unvaccinated idiot friends get sick and fill up hospitals.

You can see them and it is as safe as seeing anyone else.

rainbowandglitter · 26/12/2021 11:47

Surely it's a tiny risk though. All these assumptions... assuming she actually has covid in the first place, assuming that she's close enough to your parents to transmit to them, assuming they've actually caught it from her, assuming they'll then be close enough to you to pass it to you, assuming that your body will react badly to it despite having vaccines. What are the chances of all of these things actually happening?

mynameisnotkate · 26/12/2021 11:51

I get so frustrated in these threads at the endless posters saying that the vaccine doesn’t stop you contracting and passing covid on, so it’s irrelevant if you are worried about catching it, and only matters in terms of making covid milder.

This is not true!! Yes you can get and pass on covid after vaccination but you are much less likely to, so whilst it offers no guarantees it significantly changes the probabilities. Of course it’s much more of a worry for a CEV person to spend time with non-vaccinated people then with vaccinated people even though there are no guarantees either way.

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 11:52

@jerometheturnipking

Surely it's the refusal to take a LFT that's causing the issue rather than her not having been jabbed? The jab doesn't prevent you from catching or transmitting Covid.
It reduces the severity.

And the more that have the jab the harder the virus has got to work. Which is not what it wants.

Outlyingtrout · 26/12/2021 11:52

Can you not send a group message to your brother and parents and just appeal to them directly? Say that you have really been looking forward to seeing everyone but that, as they know, your health condition means that you are at serious risk from Covid. All you are asking is that they take a lateral flow. Especially new GF as she is travelling from a hot spot. If they refuse to take this extremely quick and simple test, it means that you can’t see any of them and will be excluded from your own family Christmas. Please would they reconsider and think about whether it’s really a big ask and whether they really would want you to either risk your health or be alone just to spare them taking a 30 second LFT.

Her being unvaccinated is not completely irrelevant since vaccination does reduce transmission to a limited extent, but the real issue is that she won’t test.

bakebeans · 26/12/2021 11:53

I don’t understand? Have your parents allowed them to stay despite not having a vaccine? It’s their choice isn’t it not yours.

Can you not meet your parents in the garden or could your parents visit you instead if you are vulnerable?

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 11:53

@rainbowandglitter

Surely it's a tiny risk though. All these assumptions... assuming she actually has covid in the first place, assuming that she's close enough to your parents to transmit to them, assuming they've actually caught it from her, assuming they'll then be close enough to you to pass it to you, assuming that your body will react badly to it despite having vaccines. What are the chances of all of these things actually happening?
Well, those are the reasons we keep having lockdowns...
RedToothBrush · 26/12/2021 11:55

So its not your parents fault for refusing to say something then? Its solely the fault of the unvaxxed gf and your brother?

And there is absolutely no back story to a difficult relationship with your brother or your brother being the golden child?

Ignoring that, being vaccinated only gives some protection - vaccinated people can still get it. Lateral flows are only so effective.

I've avoided spending time indoors with vulnerable relatives for this reason regardless. I've seen them outdoors. Including those in their 70s.

You don't know the vaccine status of the person in the supermarket either. So you either avoid that too or you get on with life.

The unvaxxed status of someone primarily affects them most directly and then those they block beds for. Unless you are boosted you don't have much immunity to transmission.

Failure to understand this annoys me.

Outlyingtrout · 26/12/2021 11:55

@rainbowandglitter

Surely it's a tiny risk though. All these assumptions... assuming she actually has covid in the first place, assuming that she's close enough to your parents to transmit to them, assuming they've actually caught it from her, assuming they'll then be close enough to you to pass it to you, assuming that your body will react badly to it despite having vaccines. What are the chances of all of these things actually happening?
Newspapers have been reporting that government data indicated that 1 in 10 Londoners were infected with Covid on 19th Dec. We know this new variant is very transmissible. OP presumably knows her personal risk factors in terms of her condition. The chances are not that low.
Outlyingtrout · 26/12/2021 11:57

You don't know the vaccine status of the person in the supermarket either. So you either avoid that too or you get on with life.

Spending prolonged periods indoors at close quarters is very different in terms of exposure to quickly passing by someone in a supermarket. Obviously different scenarios present different levels of risk so it’s not a case of “avoid everything or just get on with life”.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 26/12/2021 11:59

So he's gotten engaged after knowing someone for 5 months during a pandemic, he's refusing to protect you or his own parents via a LFT, and he doesn't see an issue with her own refusal selfish, dangerous behaviour in regards to n testing when it comes to you and your parents. And their 9 year old will have been in school, and covid has been rife in primaries, and no doubt seeing her friends inside.

She's not even pretending to try to do the right thing when meeting his family for the first time, which is odd in and of itself from where I'm sitting.

Doesn't speak well of either of them, frankly. I'd steer well clear of them both.

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