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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have accepted this offer, or did we embarrass her?

81 replies

WestendVBroadway · 03/12/2021 18:23

I was in a discount store earlier. There was a lady being served, 1 lady behind her in queue, then me. None of us knew each other. First lady was buying an item that cost less that £1.00. She offered a £10 note. The cashier asked if customer had anything smaller as there was not sufficient change in the till. The customer said she had nothing smaller, and apparently either had no card to use, or choose not to for such a small amount. I said that she could just put it with my stuff and I would happily pay for it. The lady in front of me also offered to pay for it to help her out. The customer said she couldn't accept the kind offer. I suggested she just pay it forward, and other customer said to think of it as a Christmas gift. The original customer quickly disappeared before myself of other lady could pay for it. So , AIBU to think it was just a goodwill thing to do? Would you have accepted it, or was it embarrassing? Just to add there were no other customers around, so we didn't make her look like a charity case.

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 03/12/2021 18:25

I would have accepted it as it was a very nice gesture.
Not embarrassing imo.

Holothane · 03/12/2021 18:26

I’d have offered also I’d have taken and been very grateful as well.

Elisemum · 03/12/2021 18:27

What you did was very kind and I would have accepted it. It was not (or shouldn’t be!) embarrassing at all. It was a tiny amount and it was just a matter of change as she had money! Very kind of you, happy Christmas!

Horridcreature · 03/12/2021 18:30

Absolutely fine to offer , but once she said no you could have just left it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/12/2021 18:30

I think it would depend what I was buying. Washing up liquid or cat food? Yes please! Gigantic bag of slightly defective Rocky bars for me to pig out on? No, that can probably wait Grin

TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 18:33

I wouldn’t have accepted, there was a recent thread like this where someone let a stranger pay for her shopping (£20) and I got jumped on for saying I would have declined 😐

Treecreature · 03/12/2021 18:37

I wouldn't be embarrassed but I wouldn't let somebody pay for my shopping. It was kind of you to offer.

starfishmummy · 03/12/2021 18:38

It was was nice thing to offer but I'd have probably been too embarrassed to accept, on the other hand it seems that saying no is also the wrong thing to do!

Original poster
WestendVBroadway · 03/12/2021 18:42

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I think it would depend what I was buying. Washing up liquid or cat food? Yes please! Gigantic bag of slightly defective Rocky bars for me to pig out on? No, that can probably wait Grin
Well the item was neither embarrassing as in personal products, or food stuff.
OP posts:
CoffeeRunner · 03/12/2021 18:42

Same as a PP. If it was something I needed like pet food, loo roll etc I would gratefully accept.

If I didn't actually need the item I would say no thank you. I wouldn't be embarrassed though, I would be very touched at the kind offer.

TheSunIsStillShining · 03/12/2021 18:47

I would have accepted. And it was nice from both of you.
I still remember fondly the person who paid for my bus ticket when I first came to London, didn't know there was this oyster-thing :) and didn't have any cash, but wanted to get to the place I was staying.
And I did pay it forward when I saw someone else in similar situation.

sonjadog · 03/12/2021 18:47

I would have declined it too. It was a nice thing to offer, but no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that, unless it was something I was desperately in need of there and then.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/12/2021 18:50

I’d probably accept without embarrassment in this situation, because it’s clearly not a charity offer (the woman had money but the shop was unable to accept it) but a pragmatic one.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/12/2021 18:52

Although actually, if the item was something I could just as easily pick up in another shop close by, I’d probably say “thanks so much for the offer, but I’ll just go and buy it over the road in Superdrug, they’ll have change.”

Riverlee · 03/12/2021 18:53

That was a really nice gesture.

Original poster
WestendVBroadway · 03/12/2021 18:57

I think that the reason I and the other customer offered to pay was because we thought it unreasonable that the till had insufficient change to give out. I understand that shops may be encouraging people to use cards due to Covid, but I would have been annoyed if I was unable to make a purchase merely because a shop could not give me change.

OP posts:
Mandy63l · 03/12/2021 19:02

I wonder whether the lady didn’t actually particularly want/need the item, and was merely buying it in order to change a note - perhaps for bus fare or similar?

That may explain her reluctance to pay by card, or accept the kind offer to pay for it for her.

Either way, it’s nice to be nice, so well done you. 😊

AChickenCalledDaal · 03/12/2021 19:04

@Mandy63l

I wonder whether the lady didn’t actually particularly want/need the item, and was merely buying it in order to change a note - perhaps for bus fare or similar?

That may explain her reluctance to pay by card, or accept the kind offer to pay for it for her.

Either way, it’s nice to be nice, so well done you. 😊

That would totally be me. And then I'd feel guilty for a week ... and still not have any change!
JonSnowedUnder · 03/12/2021 19:04

I wouldn't have accept, something in me just won't let me accept kind offers or help.

I would have offered, in fact I did the other day in boots, an elderly lady was 60p short for something so I gave it to her rather than her making a return journey...wouldn't have taken 60p from her though, I don't know why!

hivemindneeded · 03/12/2021 19:05

@TurnUpTurnip

I wouldn’t have accepted, there was a recent thread like this where someone let a stranger pay for her shopping (£20) and I got jumped on for saying I would have declined 😐
Why would you not accept?

It's so lovely when strangers help each other out and when people allow nice things to randomly happen to them. It makes the world a better place.

TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 19:07

Because I don’t accept money off strangers and I would feel really awkward and uncomfortable, seems I’m not the only one who wouldn’t, unlike the other thread I’m glad to see I’m not the only one!

Original poster
WestendVBroadway · 03/12/2021 19:12

@Mandy63l

I wonder whether the lady didn’t actually particularly want/need the item, and was merely buying it in order to change a note - perhaps for bus fare or similar?

That may explain her reluctance to pay by card, or accept the kind offer to pay for it for her.

Either way, it’s nice to be nice, so well done you. 😊

I hadn't considered that, but doubtful if you knew what the item was, as it was quite specific.
OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 03/12/2021 19:13

It's very kind of you to offer but I also wouldn't have accepted.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/12/2021 19:15

I’d accept and pay it forward, you didn’t offer her!

CommanderBurnham · 03/12/2021 19:18

I would have asked someone in the queue if they had any change, or asked if they were paying cash, and waited so the till had enough change.

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