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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Jesy Nelson…

83 replies

HappySonHappyMum · 17/08/2021 20:37

I watched Jesy's program on the BBC about her body image and really felt for her and was impressed with the understanding that her Little Mix bandmates had for her with regard to the clothes they wore and the things they restricted themselves doing because of her mental health and body image.The pic posted is from Jesy's Instagram. I'm not here to criticise what she's wearing - couldn't care less. But she's left her bandmates and all of a sudden everything is absolutely fine. Is she being exploited? Is it wrong to think maybe her issues weren't half as bad as she made out?

OP posts:
thebear1 · 17/08/2021 21:22

I don't know much about her, but this thread shows the issues women in the public eye face. Her mental health questioned, her attitude to her body queried, by people that don't really know her, don't know her full diagnosis or treatment.

user1471457751 · 17/08/2021 21:22

I do wish she would stop posting edited/heavily filtered photos though. It just makes her part of thing she was critiquing and gets girls/young woman aiming for an ideal that is impossible to achieve.

Spacehairdresserandthecowboy · 17/08/2021 21:27

Choosing to put a heavily filtered photo on Instagram is very different to being made to go out on stage in a skimpy outfit next to the girls everyone is comparing you to.

Consider the difference for yourself. A bikini snap on holiday that you can control the angle of etc vs walking into your office in said bikini

I think her issues are actually screamingly clear.

HappySonHappyMum · 17/08/2021 21:28

@BoredZelda Are you kidding?!! I'm not convinced she isn't being exploited. I'd have hoped her management would have had more sense than to put out images that invite the hate that she has been affected by so badly. It's irresponsible of them. I'm not judging HER I'm judging THEM.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 17/08/2021 21:30

But aren't people (in general) still desperate for the attention and the validation that comes from likes and comments from fans. This is the best way of obtaining that validation but it also comes with the trolling that causes the self esteem issues. It's quite a viscous circle

Janaih · 17/08/2021 21:37

She can make sure she's only photographed with people bigger than her now.

plodalong12 · 17/08/2021 21:37

I can’t understand why she has signed a solo record deal when she said she couldn’t face the pressure of fame as a four piece band. Zayn from One Direction had the same reasons, didn’t like the fame, wanted to be away from the spotlight…promptly got himself a solo record deal and entered into a relationship with one of the most photographed women in the world…and is now apparently so consumed by anxiety that he can’t perform live or tour anymore.

The problem I have with her is the blackfishing.

Janaih · 17/08/2021 21:42

@plodalong12 I was going to say the same about her blackfishing. Hopefully it will be picked up on when she tries to crack the American Market.

Seesawmummadaw · 17/08/2021 21:42

Is it wrong to think maybe her issues weren't half as bad as she made out?

At no point have I suggested she's making it up

Hmm
user1471457751 · 17/08/2021 21:44

@Spacehairdresserandthecowboy my issue is the impact on others mental health. She knows the damage it can do to be constantly compared to others and yet she's quite happy to create this impossible image for her fans to compare themselves to.

Carrotca · 17/08/2021 21:45

People like YOU are the reason she was struggling in the first place. As if you need to make a thread up about the girl. Focus on your own life.

lovelychops · 17/08/2021 21:47

What does blackfishing mean ? I've never heard that term before ?

HandlebarLadyTash · 17/08/2021 21:48

She needs money & this is the only way she knows how.
Hopefully she can remain healthy

AngeloMysterioso · 17/08/2021 21:49

She doesn’t seem to own any actual tops, if you looked at her Instagram (before she deleted everything) she’s only ever in crop tops or bras. She had a whole documentary talking about how unrealistic beauty expectations took a massive toll on her mental health but she’s had a load of fillers put in her face and posts heavily filtered pics almost daily, so she’s now perpetuating the same unrealistic beauty standards herself.

To be honest I think she just didn’t want to be in Little Mix any more and the I need to step away from the limelight thing was just a handy excuse. God knows she didn’t step away from social media and she started recording her own stuff a few weeks later…

lovelychops · 17/08/2021 21:51

WRT Jesy, she was posting those kind of pics on Instagram when she was in the band.
Maybe she feels more in control now? Maybe as others have said, it was the constant comparison to the other women in the band. We'll never really know.
It's very nieve of me I know but I used to think / imagine they all got on well. They seemed so supportive of each other as a group. Perhaps the spilt was to do with management?
However, I think Jesy is entitled to post whatever she wants. And dress however she wants. I find the implication that because she's suffered with low self esteem etc in the past that's she's not 'allowed' to dress and post pics of what she wants her image to be now x

TeachesOfPeaches · 17/08/2021 21:52

She's addicted to social media likes. Even when she was crying in her documentary she was still posting half naked photos on Instagram.

Caffeinemonster · 17/08/2021 21:52

I’d be absolutely amazed if that picture is not air brushed. Or she’s not had some kind of airbrush contouring done.

Caffeinemonster · 17/08/2021 21:53

[quote user1471457751]@Spacehairdresserandthecowboy my issue is the impact on others mental health. She knows the damage it can do to be constantly compared to others and yet she's quite happy to create this impossible image for her fans to compare themselves to.[/quote]
This.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/08/2021 21:56

The whe thing makes my skin crawl. The other band members have tiny teen bodies which is a bit odd considering how old they are. Jessy has a normal if rather thin adult womans body and has been vilified for it. Are we not allowed to be proper women now? My skeleton alone is bigger than two of those girls.

Gilead · 17/08/2021 21:57

I do wish women would be more supportive of other women. Nothing nice to say, don’t say it.

Spacehairdresserandthecowboy · 17/08/2021 21:58

[quote user1471457751]@Spacehairdresserandthecowboy my issue is the impact on others mental health. She knows the damage it can do to be constantly compared to others and yet she's quite happy to create this impossible image for her fans to compare themselves to.[/quote]
I agree regarding filters but I don’t think the blame for this lies with Jessie Nelson. There are thousands of filters on Instagram (I occasionally use them myself) plus a million face editing/body editing apps. As a woman who obviously suffers with her self esteem, she’s not likely to NOT use them when EVERYONE else does.

Monkeybusinesss · 17/08/2021 22:02

She’s got to make some dollar
She didn’t write a song…
She’s fuck all without her image

Janaih · 17/08/2021 22:02

@lovelychops blackfishing is when a white person alters their physically appearance to appear black/mixed race/ racially ambiguous.

See also araina grande and Rita Ora.

Birminghambloke · 17/08/2021 22:05

@thebear1

I don't know much about her, but this thread shows the issues women in the public eye face. Her mental health questioned, her attitude to her body queried, by people that don't really know her, don't know her full diagnosis or treatment.
Exactly this. She raised the high level of judgement she got over her appearance. Now people are doing it about her mental health.
BoredZelda · 17/08/2021 22:05

I'm not judging HER I'm judging THEM.

So when you say is it wrong to think maybe her issues weren't half as bad as she made out? who are the “them” you are judging? Because it sounds awfully like you are suggesting she made her issues up.