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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them their weddings won't happen?

62 replies

nctoavoiddramaaa · 23/07/2021 18:13

Friend A - big wedding in Greece at the end of the summer. No one is Greek. Expects everyone (and is emailing to chase) to book flights, pay for testing etc and risk it changing to Red?

Friend B - also planning a big wedding for December! Says they don't mind if it's small but can't see it happening at all tbh.

I'm bridesmaid for both. I just think they shouldn't waste their money.

OP posts:
SW1amp · 23/07/2021 18:15

I’m with you on the Greek wedding but can’t see any issue with a December wedding

Howcanthisbe123 · 23/07/2021 18:16

I agree both won’t go ahead, if they do it’s against the odds really.

December bride might just get away with it, but I doubt it, hospitals come close to brink every winter even without covid.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 23/07/2021 18:17

Can't see A happening the way they want it. Will someone in their family take one for the team and be frank with them?

Original poster
nctoavoiddramaaa · 23/07/2021 18:18

I think we'll be in a full lockdown by December.

I think both sets of Greek wedding's parents are fully on board!

OP posts:
GreatBritishBummertime · 23/07/2021 18:42

Both are likely to go ahead if the couples are flexible.

If friend A is happy to go ahead with a handful pf guests it will probably happen. It would be ludicrous for her to put any pressure at all on guests attending, but this should be the rule for any overseas wedding anyway.

ravelston · 23/07/2021 18:43

I think YABU to take it upon yourself to tell them their weddings won't happen.
I agree that, especially the Greek one, probably won't go ahead but surely they're all grown adults, why do you think you should tell them their weddings aren't happening?

Original poster
nctoavoiddramaaa · 23/07/2021 18:45

@ravelston I keep getting asked if I have booked flights etc and I just think ?!?

And the December one she's talking as if it's going to happen and parting with money!

OP posts:
JaffaRaf · 23/07/2021 18:46

Friend A is being unreasonable but friend B isn’t, especially as they don’t mind if it’s small. We weren’t even in full lock down by December last year so why would we be this year now most adults will be double vaccinated? Some restrictions may come back in but now the virus is less risky to the most vulnerable I can’t see them getting stricter than ever before, it’s not realistic.

harverina · 23/07/2021 18:47

I’m assuming as you are a bridesmaid you are close to them, in which case then yes I think you are reasonable to raise it as being an issue. For the Greek one anyway - if the December one is the U.K. then I would leave it for now.

I wouldn’t be booking flights to go to a wedding abroad at the moment and I’m sure other people feel the same - your going to have to tell them at some point if this is how you feel.

ravelston · 23/07/2021 18:47

But that's their choice. You're well within your right to say you won't be attending as you don't want to take the risk of parting with your money for something that might not go ahead but surely you can't tell them how to spend their money

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 23/07/2021 18:49

@nctoavoiddramaaa

I think we'll be in a full lockdown by December.

I think both sets of Greek wedding's parents are fully on board!

No way will we be going back to a full lockdown, what makes you think that? Full lockdown like March 2020, I can't see any appetite for that from anyone but the most negative doomsters
Attheheart · 23/07/2021 18:50

Greece, no way I'd be booking anything as a guest for that atm.

December, I don't see why not. Things will have to get really desperate before we're locked down again, I think. We simply can't sustain it for 2 years

MadeOfStarStuff · 23/07/2021 18:52

YANBU to say you’re not willing to take the risk on booking to travel

YABU to think you know better than them what future restrictions may be. At this point everyone is just guessing. FWIW I think you’re right but I don’t think they’ll thank you for telling them that and none of us know for sure so people can only plan based on current rules and the government attitude of no longer even pretending to give a shit.

RancidOldHag · 23/07/2021 18:52

I think a wedding abroad might be a bit ambitious - travel is far from straightforward and rules seem to be changing the whole damned time.

Unless it was a sibling, I'd be sending regrets at this point.

December may well be OK.

ChateauMargaux · 23/07/2021 18:52

I can see why Friend A is getting anxious that her bridesmaid has not booked her flight for a wedding in 6 weeks time.. I think you need to have an honest talk to her..

Blowingagale · 23/07/2021 18:55

I think you can tell them your own plans. The Greek one you can say that you will not be coming as you cannot risk the country needing isolation when you return. Not so sure about the December one but you can say the same if you will be out of pocket if it is cancelled due to rules here or the other country.

There is no need to tell each couple that the wedding won’t happen just the impact on you as part of their wedding.

FlorenceWintle · 23/07/2021 19:00

I think we'll be in a full lockdown by December.

Why do you think this when we have a vaccine that works?

MissConductUS · 23/07/2021 19:02

@ChateauMargaux

I can see why Friend A is getting anxious that her bridesmaid has not booked her flight for a wedding in 6 weeks time.. I think you need to have an honest talk to her..
This. As her bridesmaid, you need to be honest with her.

Lots of hotels will do the wedding package cheaply if you fill enough rooms with guests. This is probably one of her concerns.

tigger1001 · 23/07/2021 19:02

@ChateauMargaux

I can see why Friend A is getting anxious that her bridesmaid has not booked her flight for a wedding in 6 weeks time.. I think you need to have an honest talk to her..
Agree with this!

I would be reluctant to go abroad right now, and couldn't afford the potential isolation so would have had a conversation stepping down as a bridesmaid long before now. I do think the bride is being unrealistic with a wedding abroad but I think the op is being unreasonable by not saying that she doesn't want to go.

Wedding 2 - too far away to think if there will be restrictions so I don't think they are being unreasonable at making plans especially as they have said they don't mind it being small.

LawnFever · 23/07/2021 19:03

If you’re bridesmaid then you need to be honest with bride A that you can’t take the risk on rules changing etc and pull out - do you have accomodation booked just not flights?

I think she’s being unrealistic to think people would prioritise going abroad for a wedding right now, there’s too many complications/added expenses.

The Dec wedding I wouldn’t worry too much about, if they’re happy it might be small I think that could be fine.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/07/2021 19:14

Step back from bridesmaids duties then you don’t have to worry.

I think once unis and schools go back in sept after all the mixing restrictions will be needed for winter so would have reservations over a winter wedding taking place.

Pingued · 23/07/2021 19:16

You need to tell friend A you can't be her Bridesmaid as can't risk the flight being cancelled/stuck there. I assume she bought you a dress so you might want to pay her back for that if you can.

Friend B has a chance. It might be smaller than she hopes.

SergeantCatFlap · 23/07/2021 19:17

YABU. You need to state clearly now that you don't want to go - so that she has time to fix another bridesmaid.

Mantlemoose · 23/07/2021 19:18

I actually think if you've been asked to be part of the wedding party then they should be paying for your flight/hotel/accommodation anyway.

Original poster
nctoavoiddramaaa · 23/07/2021 19:20

@Mantlemoose December one is paying for our hotel. No travel as it's local to our town.

Greek one, we are paying.

I actually think the Greek one might go ahead but will be worried about getting stuck there / cost of changing rules.

December I think is less likely to be permitted at all.

OP posts: