To tell them their weddings won't happen?

[nctoavoiddramaaa]

Friend A - big wedding in Greece at the end of the summer. No one is Greek. Expects everyone (and is emailing to chase) to book flights, pay for testing etc and risk it changing to Red?

Friend B - also planning a big wedding for December! Says they don't mind if it's small but can't see it happening at all tbh.

I'm bridesmaid for both. I just think they shouldn't waste their money.

Greece won't go red in the same way France didn't –because there aren't enough quarantine hotels available for passengers to stay in after coming back. That's why the Govt has come up with Amber Plus.

Wedding A might happen, but she needs to understand people can't commit to booking 2+ weeks off, to account for unexpected isolations. Nevermind the extra cost of testing and potential hotel quarantine if Greece turns red (unlikely). She can definitely go ahead with her wedding and wouldn't be unreasonable to do so, but she can't chase people about booking flights and tests unless she offers to pay for them all.

Wedding B, who knows. We don't know where we'll be in 5 weeks, let alone 5 months. They can plan but nothing will really take shape until a few weeks before the date.

Also, if Bride A is so determined to go ahead with the Greek wedding and wants guests to risk needing to quarantine at home for 10 days on their return to England, she at the very least needs to foot the bill for all their PCR tests.

You need to tell you friend what you’re planning on doing about Greece.

You need to commit one way or another about the Greek wedding if you're bridesmaid. If you've no intention of going, say so.

Ah yes. If you all don't book your rooms she won't get her wedding at knock down price...

You need to stop pulling faces and be honest.
"I cant afford to lose money if this doesn't go ahead. I hope it does and wish you well but l cant commit so please pick bridesmaid from the family."

I don't think you should tell them they won't happen. That's unreasonable. It's their day. They can plan what they like.

If you're not prepared/can't afford to attend, that's different. You wouldn't be unreasonable to tell them that.

I think it’s perfectly possible Friend B’s wedding will go ahead, especially if she’s happy to switch to a smaller option as a plan B. I don’t see what you’d achieve by telling her there’s a risk. She will have seen the news occasionally.

Friend A’s might well happen with guests who are prepared to quarantine. That might mean just their parents. If you don’t want to go you need to tell her rather than dragging this out.

You need to stop pulling faces and be honest.

This.

Instead of faffing about and posting on a big social media site talk to them. Why agree to be bridesmaid if you are going to be this negative?

I think this is a goady lockdown thread.

OP, there will not be another lockdown. Not unless we are going to continue locking down and opening up forever, which we're not.

If you are worried about the Greek one, come clean and say so to the bride (assuming you are related to her/a friend, given that you're a bridesmaid). You don't sound as if you like her much, whatever the case.

I am not keen on adult women being bridesmaids anyway, but that's a different AIBU.

Greece is rumoured to be going to amber plus soon so that means isolaion for ten days on return if you cant do that just pull put of being a bridesmaid

the december one is too far off to know yet

i do know someone who has had to postpone 4 times since last year

Yeah if you don’t want to go then just pull out! Stop putting a dampener on everything for your friends! You obviously don’t want to go and you are hoping they just won’t go ahead so you don’t have to bail by the sounds of it 😂

A, if you don't want to risk having to quarantine then you need to tell her now that you are not going.

B, I think you are just being miserable. She can organise it if she wants to. You can chose to pull out if you want to.

YABU

It's not really up to you to tell them they won't happen and unless they've been living on a different planet they must be fully aware there's a risk it wont.

Just tell the Greek one you're not prepared to pay upfront/go abroad in the current circumstances.

If you don’t want to attend the Greek wedding, which is understandable given the additional hassle and expense, just tell them.

Otherwise I don’t think you should tell them your thoughts on whether their weddings will go ahead. They may well get their weddings, just with potentially less guests.

I think if you don't want to go to the Greek wedding then you should say that now, rather than keep them dangling.

December is a long way off and if it's postponed that's probably all it will be, but again if you don't think you will be there say so now.

Wedding A- It might happen. But I wouldn't be going , bridesmaid or not, I’m not prepared to take the risk of having to isolate or bear the cost of all the tests to get there ( unless the B & G are covering the costs of flight and hotel ? )
Wedding B- More likely , especially if small

I agree that this a lockdown thread. I suspect you are interested in debating a December lockdown. This is very unlikely to happen because we have the vaccine. To get back to the OP - tell both friends that you would rather not be a bridesmaid- that would be better than debating your friends (good friends if you are a bridesmaid) on the internet with a bunch of strangers.

I really can't believe people are booking weddings far and away at the moment. We have a relative who is not very happy with us as they are planning a wedding overseas for next year and wants us to fork out for flights, car hire and minimum nights stay now. TBH I think they are really CF'ers expecting everyone to spend a small fortune on their wedding, but that is another thread.

We have said that there is no way we are forking out that much money now on something that we don't even know is going to happen. The risk of losing money is too high. They are miffed with us but TBH I really don't think we are in the wrong here. It is really bonkers to expect your family and friends to spend loads of money going to your wedding abroad when you literally live around the corner, never mind during a deadly pandemic.

I think B's wedding may well go ahead, it's even quite likely that A's could go ahead. You're quite right about A though OP, they shouldn't expect people to cough up all the expense of testing etc, and the risk of isolation on return to the UK, getting stuck in Greece because they test positive (happened to a friend recently, they're £k's down in extra accomodation costs). It's completely unreasonable to plan a wedding abroad in the current circumstances and expect everyone to shoulder the costs and risks involved for them. I'd just explain that to them, they can get married in Greece, but it would be a wedding without guests.

What's going to happen if you lose money over the Greek one? Will the B&G cover any financial loss you incur that isn't paid out of travel insurance? If not, then I gracefully back out now.

@PaulGallico

I agree that this a lockdown thread. I suspect you are interested in debating a December lockdown. This is very unlikely to happen because we have the vaccine. To get back to the OP - tell both friends that you would rather not be a bridesmaid- that would be better than debating your friends (good friends if you are a bridesmaid) on the internet with a bunch of strangers.

So well said.

Tell her you can't afford a trip away and potentially no wages if you have to self isolate post wedding. Or even pre wedding would scupper her /your plans anyway!!

Ok. It seems IABU. I won't say anything.

I'm happy to / feel like I have to go to Greece, I'm just anxious at all the things that could go wrong - catching Covid while there etc.

If