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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to go away as part of a big group?

62 replies

CaraMellow · 11/07/2021 15:34

Each to their own and my holidays won't be to everyone's tastes but AIBU to not want to go away with a family group?

My Aunt and a cousin has suggested that next Summer (all going well) we have a big gathering for this side of the family abroad as it's been a very difficult year, not just with Covid but with other factors. It'd involve at least 12 kids and ten adults. Possibly more.

I don't have kids and though I appreciate it's a nice idea and might be fun. I don't think it's for me. I have Autism and need a lot of space and quiet.

AIBU and how do you feel about big family holidays?

OP posts:
TheLeadbetterLife · 11/07/2021 15:38

Sounds like a fucking nightmare. Family gatherings of that size only work for weddings and other big parties (in my family anyway!). Even my small, immediate family would be at each other’s throats after about a day and a half.

MadMadMadamMim · 11/07/2021 15:39

They are tiring. I've been on a few, because we have a big family, but the older I get the less I can be bothered. And I certainly don't want to cope with other people's children.

In your shoes I would say I'll not be able to make it, but hope you all have fun!.

You don't have to say why you don't want to go. It's perfectly possible that you couldn't afford it. And other people don't get to decide how you'll spend your money! You don't have to go abroad on a holiday you don't fancy. Be vague if you have to and just say, Won't be possible for me, next year.

shouldistop · 11/07/2021 15:41

I'd hate it. I'd just politely decline and say you don't fancy group holidays. If they push, just say 'no thank you' firmly.

MirandaMarple · 11/07/2021 15:42

YANBU. My idea of hell.

Nonmaquillee · 11/07/2021 15:43

My idea of hell too.

Hoppinggreen · 11/07/2021 15:44

That would be a no from me

pasturesgreen · 11/07/2021 15:45

Another one for my idea of hell. YANBU.

shivawn · 11/07/2021 15:59

It's just an invitation, you can decline while politely thanking them for inviting you.

UseOfWeapons · 11/07/2021 16:01

No thanks. I also need a lot of time to myself.
I love my family, and my friends, but the thought of being with them ALL the time on holiday would be the tenth circle of hell for me.

OP, I think you might have a prior engagement that prevents you from going!😉

Crowtooyo · 11/07/2021 16:03

I'd love that but it isn't for everyone, you're well within your rights to decline..

speakout · 11/07/2021 16:03

Sounds awful.
No way woud I consider such a horrendous holiday.

BrilliantBetty · 11/07/2021 16:05

I like group holidays. But I have DC and get more of a break / time to relax if we are with family and especially with other kids. As otherwise I am the entertainment the who whole time. And the supervisor.
If grandparents/ aunties are there I at least get an hour to relax here and there and my kids are playing with the other children so I don't have to create 'something to do'.
I also like getting the chance to spend proper time together. I feel I know people better.

If it's not your thing that is absolutely fine. They should be able to appreciate that it isn't everyone's cup of tea. Politely decline.

WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 11/07/2021 16:08

I'd hate it, and would resent spending a lot of money on a holiday I didn't really want to go on.

toothpicklover · 11/07/2021 16:10

I’d rather have my nipples pulled off with toothpicks!!!

I’ve got a child and this would be an utter nightmare

BritWifeInUSA · 11/07/2021 16:11

My husband’s family does this every year. Around 25-30 people and they all love it but I hate it. I have been to a few of them but never really enjoyed them. I work long hours and my job is stressful and when I’m off work I prefer to spend time with just my husband and our dogs at home. We live in a very peaceful place, can hear the waves of the Pacific Ocean in every room, have no neighbors and the quiet suits me. We go to the beach and there’s hardly another person there. We don’t have children. So to have to travel 1000 miles or more to another state to spend time with his family, including around 10 noisy children, is not my idea of fun.

One year I purposely booked us to go away (just us) for the same dates as the family reunion and it was wonderful. I’m going to do that this year too.

Els1e · 11/07/2021 16:12

Absolutely no way would I be going. Spend your money on something you would enjoy.

Lindy2 · 11/07/2021 16:13

I hate group holidays with a passion.

It takes so long to actually go anywhere and then, one you actually get somewhere, pretty much everyone has to compromise on what they actually want to do because there's too many different preferences.

It's definitely not for me. I don't have the patience for it.

DH and I generally like to do the same things. We don't do group holidays and have a lot more fun that way.

It would be a no from me.

MinnieMountain · 11/07/2021 16:13

YANBU.

I’m an introvert. 9 of us are going away for MIL’s 70th birthday next summer. And they are so LOUD when they get together. Obviously I have to go but I’ll make sure I have time alone.

IllForTooLong · 11/07/2021 16:14

I’d love it!

And it sounds like other people in your family are keen too.

FWIW I hope you are not using this thread to convince yourself to stay or go. If it doesn’t work for you, you don’t need other people NT or not, to give you some approval

Fountaining · 11/07/2021 16:14

I have a child and I wouldn't do this because I wouldn't enjoy it. DS would probably have a ball, but I'm frankly not that selfless.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 11/07/2021 16:15

God no. I'd burn my passport before I'd go on that holiday, OP.
Tell them you hope they enjoy it, but it's not for you.

baddaughter2021 · 11/07/2021 16:18

Not a chance. My mums husband booked a big group holiday last year and it was nothing short of a nightmare. Living in close quarters, that one person who created drama over everything, and endless time waiting around for everyone else.

He’s booked another one and I’ve found an excuse to not go. Now talking of a group holiday to Disney world and as much as I can’t wait to take my kids there I cannot think of anything worse.

Heartofglass12345 · 11/07/2021 16:22

I may consider it now I have kids (but probably still wouldn't go), but no way would I have gone before I had them!
I could think of much better uses for my money and annual leave lol.
If you're autistic I think you will struggle to get away anywhere quiet.
I would politely decline and stick to it.

GirlAloud · 11/07/2021 16:28

YANBU.

That sounds absolutely horrendous. If I had to choose between a group holiday including other people’s children or no holiday, it would be no holiday every single time. My & DP’s holidays are our precious quality time together, just the two of us, and that is completely non-negotiable.

lazylinguist · 11/07/2021 16:31

God no. I love going on holiday when it's us 4, my parents and my dsis, dbil and their two dc, but that's the limit for me. 12 children?! No way.