AIBU to not want to go away as part of a big group?

[CaraMellow]

Each to their own and my holidays won't be to everyone's tastes but AIBU to not want to go away with a family group?

My Aunt and a cousin has suggested that next Summer (all going well) we have a big gathering for this side of the family abroad as it's been a very difficult year, not just with Covid but with other factors. It'd involve at least 12 kids and ten adults. Possibly more.

I don't have kids and though I appreciate it's a nice idea and might be fun. I don't think it's for me. I have Autism and need a lot of space and quiet.

AIBU and how do you feel about big family holidays?

Hell no. I’d do a weekend but annual leave is so precious if you’re working that I wouldn’t want to use it up on something I wasn’t keen on. We’ve been on a few holidays with family and I’ve never fully relaxed as trying to negotiate things like cooking, levels of tidiness activities etc.

That sounds like my idea of HELL. There's no way I could go on a holiday like that. I can just about manage going with DP or DD. Politely say thanks but no thanks. If they don't like it then tough. They don't have to like it.

I've done this with both my family and my in-laws.
With my family we can share accomodation because it's accepted that people will go off and do their own thing. It works well when I can go shopping with company and my DH can do physical activities with company as well as us taking days just as couples/families.
Makes meals out more fun with a group etc
When it's my in-laws I'm like Machiavelli trying to find out where they are staying and delay our booking so I can ensure there is a bit of distance between us without bluntly telling my husband I find them claustrophobic.
They are nice people but would live in your ear if you let them!
If you do feel you have to go make an excuse as to why you can only go for some of the time and need separate accomodation, work, money whatever works. Suit yourself as much as possible because everyone else does!

DH’s dad is trying to organise a big holiday for their enormous family next year.

It’s my idea of hell. They’re a big family so they do things slightly differently but my god, the CONSTANT shouting and talking over each other really sets me on edge.

I was nervous when DH first mentioned it, then it dawned on me that they love sharing hotels or accommodation with the whole gang, and I broke into a cold sweat.

I’m not a massively social person and the idea of having to be “on” 24/7 for a least a week sounded exhausting. I love them but I have no desire to spend a week with anyone outside of DH and the kids.

Then I got a new job, and unfortunately Daily mail sad face we have set closure dates and I just won’t have the annual leave when I count in a holiday we’ve already booked. Oh dear.

Sounds utterly horrific. I am quite controlling though and couldn't stand someone else being in charge of my holiday itinerary, and having to adapt to so many other peoples wants/needs. Ugh no no no.

I am autistic too OP. There is no way I would be able to handle a holiday like this. I would end up having a complete meltdown and would be a wreck form the stress for weeks in advance. It would also take me at least a couple of weeks afterwards to recover my mental health. I used to say yes to everything at the detriment of my mental well-being: anxiety, meltdowns, being unable to function in even basic ways. I realised a few years ago that nothing is worth making myself so ill for. Just politely decline

We had one of these about 5 years ago and I didn't enjoy it. Another one was organised for two years later and was worse than the first. I had been dreading it for most of the previous 2 years. Luckily most other people didn't enjoy the second one either so it's not been repeated since.

Thank you all. It's interesting to hear all of your experiences including the positive ones and how it can work with some thought but I don't think it's for me, and I'm going to decline. I can't imagine it being at all relaxing and I really don't want to spend much of my holiday, babysitting.

Can you go for just a bit of it?y husband is one of six and they all (apart from him) love big family holidays. It's really not my scene so we normally just go for a couple of nights and then make our excuses. I'm 99% certain they know we're just not keen for the entire thing but they have the good grace not to understand and not say anything 😁

It's obviously not your thing OP, tell them to have a lovely time but it's a no from you. x

I'd rather stab myself in the face. YANBU.

I'm NT and this sounds like a nightmare! No, no, no if you're neurodiv and crowds and such stress you out. My son is neurodiv and he likes cruising with the family because when he feels stressed out he can always go back to our room to chill, listen to his music, use his noise-cancelling headphones, etc.

There's no 'out' with a holiday like this.

I'm not a morning person and just recently went on a short holiday and although I love my friends I hardly got any sleep as one was up with the fucking larks waking us all up. It was a lodge and the walls are too thin in there. And no, I don't share bathrooms except with my immediate family.

So in the future we're going hotel and everyone gets own room.

And I don't do babysitting, either, OP, and I have kids! They're older now but I didn't like the toddler/little kid stage and am not interesting in spending any of my holiday time babysitting.

Don't feel any guilt about declining.