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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my grandma she’s being irresponsible with lockdown rules?

55 replies

nina3638 · 13/04/2021 19:39

sorry if this is the wrong topic

my grandma is 80 - she stuck to lockdown religiously the first couple of times but this time has not at all. she lives on her own and says anyone she likes can come over as if they get caught she’ll just say they’re her support bubble. i’ve kind of ignored the whole thing as i was under the impression everyone going to visit her (inside her house) knew the others were doing it. i haven’t visited her as have been pregnant/just had a baby.

a few days ago i was on the phone to her and she had some family friends over. one is terminally ill with prostate cancer and is going through treatment so pretty vulnerable. when i called back i said i was surprised he wanted to risk being at her house when she’s been having multiple visitors over all the time and has been taking risks. she said she lied to them and said they were the only people she’d seen in months.

i haven’t talked to her much since (this was last week) as i feel really uncomfortable knowing she’s risking someone who is very vulnerable by lying to them. it’s one thing if she was honest and he still chose to visit but he was under the impression that she hadn’t left the house or seen anyone in months and is therefore safe.

aibu to feel like i should say something to her?

OP posts:
Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:41

Oh god that's a tricky one Sad You can criticise her, or have a word, but I doubt it will make any difference.

If she wasn't lying to other vulnerable people then I would say it's up to her how she lives her life, but this is different...

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2021 19:43

aibu to feel like i should say something to her?

I don't know whether you should say something to her (is there any point?) but I'd be thinking about saying something to the poor bastard who came over to see her in case he decides to go back.

Do you know who it is? Has he been vaccinated already?

TheChip · 13/04/2021 19:44

Nothing you say is going to stop her from doing it. The fact she lied to her friend shows she knew she was wrong, but chose to do it anyway.

Writerandreader · 13/04/2021 19:46

Wow you are being very judgemental and harsh on someone elderly who has lived through a year of lockdown. Are you in the UK? Presumably all these vulnerable and elderly people you refer to have been vaccinated?

Do you know the country is now coming out of lockdown and its been incredibly difficult for people.

I just cannot understand people who judge others for minor breaches of incredibly harsh rules we have all followed for a year.

Yoh aren't speaking to your own grandparent over a minor lockdown rule breach????

Original poster
nina3638 · 13/04/2021 19:46

@Butchyrestingface i know him as he comes to family parties sometimes etc but have no idea what his contact details are. i feel like he may have been vaccinated as he’s probably high on the list to be but no idea for sure

OP posts:
Writerandreader · 13/04/2021 19:47

She is 80 she doesn't have long left let her live her life!

Original poster
nina3638 · 13/04/2021 19:47

@Writerandreader it’s not really minor. i’ve turned a blind eye to her meeting up with about 8 other households this lockdown but lying to someone going through chemo about how safe it is for them to visit her is a bit far imo

OP posts:
Writerandreader · 13/04/2021 19:47

Everyone over 50 and also the clinically vulnerable have now been vaccinated in England.

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2021 19:48

@Writerandreader

She is 80 she doesn't have long left let her live her life!
She might have Prince Philip genes. Grin
Writerandreader · 13/04/2021 19:50

The pubs are now open I think your solitary grandmother can relax and have a cup of tea with people

Original poster
nina3638 · 13/04/2021 19:51

@Writerandreader it’s not about my grandma like i’ve said. it’s about the person going through chemo (younger than her. i think he is in his 50s or 60s) who has visited her under false pretence that it is safe to do so

OP posts:
Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:51

@Writerandreader

The pubs are now open I think your solitary grandmother can relax and have a cup of tea with people
Wow, way to miss the point!

Said grandmother is lying to her vulnerable friends...

HavelockVetinari · 13/04/2021 19:52

OP stop infantilising your DGM. She's a grown woman able to make her own decisions with her own friends. It's really not your business, although I understand why you disapprove (i do too).

Original poster
nina3638 · 13/04/2021 19:57

@HavelockVetinari as i’ve already mentioned i don’t really care about her meeting other people. i’ve said absolutely nothing about it - but i really think the lying is crossing a line. her friend can’t make an informed decision if they’re being lied to surely?

OP posts:
DonGray · 13/04/2021 19:59

YABU her terminally ill friend is going to die anyway

Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 20:00

@DonGray

YABU her terminally ill friend is going to die anyway
Well aren't you a ray of sunshine Hmm

Perhaps terminally ill friend would like the choice of whether he exposes himself to Covid?!

Ostryga · 13/04/2021 20:00

The man is an adult, I’m sure he’s more than able to make a decision based on risk. If he was that worried he wouldn’t be going anywhere, and he should have been vaccinated by now.

Just let them get on with their lives.

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2021 20:01

@DonGray

YABU her terminally ill friend is going to die anyway
We're ALL going to die "anyway".

I'd rather not be hurried on my way. He may feel the same way.

Angrypregnantlady · 13/04/2021 20:03

That's awful. She can do what she wants with herself but she's lied to someone about the risks and put them in more danger than they were comfortable with.

lazyarse123 · 13/04/2021 20:03

@Writerandreader

The pubs are now open I think your solitary grandmother can relax and have a cup of tea with people
Yes the grandmother absolutely can do that. The man dying with cancer not so much.
Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 20:05

@Ostryga

The man is an adult, I’m sure he’s more than able to make a decision based on risk. If he was that worried he wouldn’t be going anywhere, and he should have been vaccinated by now.

Just let them get on with their lives.

Yes. He assesses the risk on the information he is given. He is obviously wrong to trust OP's grandmother. Which is a shame.

Oh and by the way, the vaccine is not 100% effective. Which is why we still need social distancing.

RaininSummer · 13/04/2021 20:06

I think gran is being very selfish to satisfy her own desire for lots of visitors. Not sure what you can do OP if she won't tell her friends about her other visitors.

lazyarse123 · 13/04/2021 20:08

@Ostryga

The man is an adult, I’m sure he’s more than able to make a decision based on risk. If he was that worried he wouldn’t be going anywhere, and he should have been vaccinated by now.

Just let them get on with their lives.

He made the decision after grandma told him she'd not been seeing people. Some of the replies on here are horrible especially the one about him dying anyway.
PeteWicksSexyPirate · 13/04/2021 20:09

I’d tell the guy having chemo because he’s assessed the risk of visiting her based on a lie. Up to grandma and her pals whether they want to meet up or not, but not fair on the guy who doesn’t know that.

Covidbegone · 13/04/2021 20:13

I think I’m currently in the everybody’s lying to themselves a bit mode. What I mean is that we have been pretty cautious until now when all our parents have been jabbed. But MIL for example seems to think she can see many different people, so long as it’s only one at a time 😬 we have tried to explain that’s not quite right. But then we have family who have their family to stay, and It’s been suggested they were part of an extended bubble, again not quite right as the extended family don’t live alone. I think people just make up the rules to make their situation suit tbh. I think all we can truly hope for is that enough people reduce contact to get shot of the pandemic for good 🤞