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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think forum etiquette is going downhill

63 replies

Butterflyfluff · 07/02/2021 12:25

I know we’re all fed up of the current situation but a lot of posts lately don’t seem to be helping much

There’s always been those who can’t be arsed to read a thread and pile in with their opinion after 20 pages, having only read the OP and totally failing to recognised things have probably moved on

But now it’s common place for the first post on any thread about anything in the news to be ‘Source?’

No further comment - just that demand - implication being it’s bullshit

Likewise on threads where posters are having a rough time they get bombarded with people @ing them so their inbox will be full of messages

If the OP wants to read the messages, they can just return to the thread but the posters who do the @ing seem to have some need to be noticed

People also seem to get really arsey straight away too

It’s really quite depressing

OP posts:
Lockheart · 07/02/2021 12:26

If you post something online making some random claim and you DON'T provide a source then you're the problem, not the posters who ask for one.

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 07/02/2021 12:28

Not if it’s an opinion or a discussion thread but either way, there’s nicer ways to ask

OP posts:
Melange99 · 07/02/2021 12:31

I hate is when somebody has poured their heart out and gets an abrupt Get Rid.

tofuschnitzel · 07/02/2021 12:32

I think in a lot of instances it is useful to ask people for their source, especially if it's rubbish about covid-19. But to just say "source?" and nothing else doesn't seem intended to spark a conversation about the issue at hand.

LochJessMonster · 07/02/2021 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Floridaflipflops · 07/02/2021 12:41

Yeah I get the the single word reply ‘Source???????’ It’s irritating and I just roll my eyes.

I’ve been here seven years and I’d say even though some threads could be a bit rowdy, the site tone shifted with Brexit and it’s been open season since.

There were always flouncers ( does flouncers corner still exist?) and posters would say ‘off you pop then’ but now posters post with venom and anger. Brexit and covid has really shown us a different side to society.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/02/2021 12:41

To be fair, HQ can only act when things are reported to them - though I believe they do keep a closer eye on some threads - and while there are some inconsistencies I've usually found them to be pretty good, especially with some of the filthier personal attacks we've seen recently

That said you get rude people everywhere, and a big forum like this will always attract a few, but they're all part of "life's rich tapestry" and generally pretty easy to ignore

Floridaflipflops · 07/02/2021 12:44

@LochJessMonster

On the other hand you get the-

“My MIL is a monster because she did insert something that the poster would be fine with their own mother doing ”

“I work 70hours a week, take care of our 7 children, do all the housework and cooking and my partner threw a strop because I asked him to take out the bins. AIBU?”

“My partner had sex with me seventy times in a row when I said no. Was it rape?”

“Can I break Covid rule xyz because insert excuse here ”

Honestly some posters are just exhausting and you have to be blunt.

Or just scroll on? You don’t have to be anything.
Gobbycop · 07/02/2021 12:49

There’s always been those who can’t be arsed to read a thread and pile in with their opinion after 20 pages, having only read the OP and totally failing to recognised things have probably moved on

The amount of traffic this section gets is unreal.
If I had to rtft before posting it'd be a full time job.

Maybe it could be tolerated that not everyone has hours on end to read 20 pages of bullshit before responding?

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 07/02/2021 12:52

Maybe it could be tolerated that not everyone has hours on end to read 20 pages of bullshit before responding?

What I don’t understand here is why people would think every other is response ‘bullshit’ but theirs is vitally important to add to the discussion

OP posts:
Floridaflipflops · 07/02/2021 12:52

@Gobbycop

There’s always been those who can’t be arsed to read a thread and pile in with their opinion after 20 pages, having only read the OP and totally failing to recognised things have probably moved on

The amount of traffic this section gets is unreal.
If I had to rtft before posting it'd be a full time job.

Maybe it could be tolerated that not everyone has hours on end to read 20 pages of bullshit before responding?

Or you could just read only the OP posts ( just a tab press) so you know where the thread is at other wise your just wasting your time posting an irrelevant post.
Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 07/02/2021 12:56

Brexit and covid has really shown us a different side to society.

There’s a lot of truth in that sadly ☹️

OP posts:
Stovetopespresso · 07/02/2021 13:15

I havnt been on here very long, maybe a year, and there have been times when I have asked for advice (sometimes nc) and I have ended up shaking. Got judged, accidentally caused a row between posters, grammar criticised, etc. the threads just spiral.
Some people are rude on here, I'm not always 100% polite but I aspire to only write things I would be comfortable saying to their face.

I think its online life in general and the proliferation of fake news which makes people strident and demanding.

Gobbycop · 07/02/2021 13:23

What I don’t understand here is why people would think every other is response ‘bullshit’ but theirs is vitally important to add to the discussion

It's a figure of speech, what I post is as irrelevant as the next person.

I've never seen such an argumentative forum, some people here could find an argument in an empty field.

But it's the internet, I'm fairly certain most wouldn't dare speak to people like they do here in real life for fear of getting knocked out 😂

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 07/02/2021 13:31

It's a figure of speech, what I post is as irrelevant as the next person.

But surely the whole point of a discussion forum is to engage in the discussions

I honestly don’t understand the thought process behind posting on a long thread when you’ve only read the OP and probably have no intention of reading any further replies either

OP posts:
ZoeTurtle · 07/02/2021 13:36

You talk as if there's a universal, established "forum etiquette." There isn't.

Some people here treat resurrecting zombie threads as an unforgiveable crime. Other forums encourage you to search and add to a past thread rather than start a new one on the same topic.

Some people here are obsessed with "RTFT." Most forums don't give a crap.

Asking for sources is perfectly normal.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/02/2021 14:04

Forgive me going on a bit of a tangent, but when posters sometimes mention how long they've been on MN, how do they know?
Admittedly I'm hopeless with anything techie, but I've never found where even "My Mumsnet" says this ... any tips please?

KatyClaire · 07/02/2021 14:08

I agree - cynical, aggressive, rude posters seem to be the norm rather than the exception.

Floridaflipflops · 07/02/2021 14:14

@ZoeTurtle

You talk as if there's a universal, established "forum etiquette." There isn't.

Some people here treat resurrecting zombie threads as an unforgiveable crime. Other forums encourage you to search and add to a past thread rather than start a new one on the same topic.

Some people here are obsessed with "RTFT." Most forums don't give a crap.

Asking for sources is perfectly normal.

There was a time when searching for a previous posters history was bad form - noe it’s standard practice!

Asking for a source is normal in context. Just typing Source???? is really lazy and rude. If I spoke about something and a poster said ‘have you got a link for that it sounds interesting’ I’d post one. But most people are just really lazy and want you to posts facts/links/sources before they care to engage with you when really they should just scroll on.

Conundrumofsorts · 07/02/2021 14:14

‘Source?’ with no please or further comment is so arrogant and rude.

It’s easy to read all the OP’s posts now, that was a good feature introduced.

I leave threads if the usual suspects are on there wanting a fight, I just don’t care enough about some random wanting to argue online- if they are being aggressive then it’s their own issues spilling out and they are angry with something.

It’s not a productive way to spend time and I really feel for those that they pick on.

I am sure if we knew who they were in real life they would be very embarrassed about their behaviour.

Floridaflipflops · 07/02/2021 14:16

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Forgive me going on a bit of a tangent, but when posters sometimes mention how long they've been on MN, how do they know? Admittedly I'm hopeless with anything techie, but I've never found where even "My Mumsnet" says this ... any tips please?
I just go off the age of my dd2 Grin
Whatdoyoudowhendemocracyfails · 07/02/2021 14:28

I think there has been a real increase in the number of posters unable to say “I disagree with you” without adding in a side helping of personal abuse. I know AIBU is famous for its confrontational tone but this is happening all over the boards now.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/02/2021 14:29

Love it, Floridaflipflops Smile

I leave threads if the usual suspects are on there wanting a fight

Agree with this too - either that or just scroll on by. One of the charms of MN is that there's so much to learn from the diversity of views and experiences, but I find that gets a bit lost when folk just want to hurl insults

Whatdoyoudowhendemocracyfails · 07/02/2021 14:30

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Love it, Floridaflipflops Smile

I leave threads if the usual suspects are on there wanting a fight

Agree with this too - either that or just scroll on by. One of the charms of MN is that there's so much to learn from the diversity of views and experiences, but I find that gets a bit lost when folk just want to hurl insults

I’d really like a “Hide Poster” option.
CoronaIsWatching · 07/02/2021 14:30

Not everyone has the time to read 20 pages of a thread before "piling in" with their opinion