If dogs had AIBU

[peak2021]

AIBU to ask why you make such a fuss about cats not us dogs, when we take you for walks twice a day?

It’s because cats are such cuties with the best pads and the softest fur, and cats are very independent. They also don’t smell like you mere dogs

Do I detect a little feline envy there? Lol
I'm sure dogs sit an wonder why they get smelly food from a can rather than the juicy steak that is upon his servants plate!

DDog- 'AIBU to not play fetch, you want the ball hooman, you go get it. It is sooo beneath me!'

AIBU in thinking you don’t realise that I actually know what P.A.R.K means...

( peasants!)

AIBU to not understand why people don't wolf down every delicious food in the house until they make themselves sick?

Also, AIBU to wonder why people don't want to spend the whole day playing outside, like I would if I could?

AIBU to shag the pillow off the couch when my owners go out?

AIBU to want the back door open all day, why do they moan the house is getting cold and that I keep wanting to go outside, put another jumper on you silly hooman. I have a double coat, I will be fine!

What's wrong with having the door to the garden open so i can come and go as I please 24/7 - in January?

Why do you need that nice comfy platform all to yourself all night when I could share it with you?

AIBU to need the whole of the three seater sofa when I weigh 4kg and stand 12 inches tall?
AIBU to toddle off upstairs to sleep on the bed if I'm left alone when I know it is definitely not allowed?
AIBU to snub the dog food and look mournfully at everyone eating in the hope that they will take pity and feed me leftovers instead?

AIBU to want mommy to open that box sitting on the dining table? I know it’s for me as it smells like a new football. She keeps saying ‘nooo, yooov got tu wait for yur birfday to have it’. She is soo mean to me 😞

where have you been, i have missed you so much.
feed me

“AIBU to learn every word they say like a fucking Bletchley Park master decoder? Now they chat between themselves with passive aggressive Enigma Code messages like - Are we inclined to take a preamble followed by a watery submersion? Feeling excluded in my own home. Fucking twats speaking fucking twat speak.”

Forget kids. My dog hit all his milestones before ALL your dogs and edits Coleridge in the spare minutes when he’s not licking his ex-balls.

AIBU to climb all over and walk up and down the length of my mum all night and try to kick her out of my spot? She claims I wake her multiple times a night and says it hurts when I step on her boobs, but I don't know... I think she may be lying just to keep the warm spot to her self. I've definitely seen her sleep through it once or twice.

AIBU to only vomit on the bits of carpet strewn here and there? Obviously carpet absorbs it, so shouldn't that be better? Who would vomit on the slick wood floors?

now throw that ball

To think it’s my fuckin couch I’m on it all day and then they think they can just push me off it when they get home from work.

AIBU to actually enjoy eating old socks, pebbles, tennis balls, rabbit poo, flower bulbs, vomit etc etc?

DMum’s horrible friend, who is a vet, is always moaning about the stuff us Labradors like to eat. Silly woman.

Why can't I chase the triggering cat next door? Why don't you understand the postman is trying to invade out terrority?

AIBU to eat random foul rotting shit off the floor and then swallow it whole whilst running away when my human rudely demands to know what I'm eating and tries to yank it from my jaws?

AIBUto want a puppy pad when it's raining? They pee indoors - why do I have to go out when it's cold and wet?

AIBU to think that it's OK for me to breathe in your repulsive farts but when I do it, you'd think I let off tear gas and act melodramatic telling me to get out and I'm bad, sweetheart my farts smell like fresh cut grass!

AIBU? Everytime I'm out in My garden or MY park or on MY road, someone else is there. Cheeky fuckers! They don't even seem to realise I own it all; everything, even the sky. There are huge, metal monsters in it and CF birds. I don't actually care whether you think I'm unreasonable or not. I will fucking bark at you, you fuckers! Get off my land!

AIBU to knock the lid off my food box and eat the contents till I'm full (lab)

Mmmmm, yes, old socks. And mum's pants.

AIBU to roll in the smelliest thing I can find, then rub it all over my people? They seem slightly annoyed, but THEY HAVEN'T MASKED THEIR SCENT! THE SQUIRRELS WILL DETECT THEM!

AIBU to run around with the toilet paper and pretend i'm an Andrex puppy.
eat socks, pants, oven gloves anything that my owner leaves out.

AIBU to wee on the bathroom/bedroom floor when it is dark outside?