If dogs had AIBU

[peak2021]

AIBU to ask why you make such a fuss about cats not us dogs, when we take you for walks twice a day?

That mum woke me up to go to bed? I was comfy and snoring?!

Dogs don't need an AIBU!
I wouldn't be short of offerings on the cat AIBU though!

AIBU to pull you over on the ice when I get a whiff of rabbit?

@CCC1

“AIBU to learn every word they say like a fucking Bletchley Park master decoder? Now they chat between themselves with passive aggressive Enigma Code messages like - Are we inclined to take a preamble followed by a watery submersion? Feeling excluded in my own home. Fucking twats speaking fucking twat speak.”

Forget kids. My dog hit all his milestones before ALL your dogs and edits Coleridge in the spare minutes when he’s not licking his ex-balls.

Oh bloody hell this! Secretdog can even work out when we spell beach and park backwards and definitely knows what time of day it is and when it's five minutes from supper or breakfast (secretdog is diabetic so mealtimes take on a whole new level of importance). Oh and he also knows where he hid treats in the house years ago so they matured...which means that we catch him after randomly snacking something he most definitely isn't allowed to eat and which messes up his blood glucose levels the night before a glucose curve and so we get told off by the vet (or would if we admitted to what he was doing).

Also dog gets excited when I bring a face mask out, as it means I’m going out, and she hopes she can come along. Great fun at 0630 when I’m heading to work!

What's wrong with rolling in shite?

To roll in fox/deer/unidentifiable poo. I don’t need a wash when I get back. If I wanted to smell of soap, I would roll in it.

AIBU this woman in red keeps coming to the door to scope the place out. Never knocks. Just drops litter in and fucks off. I go mad everytime because i think their a CF but my human tells me off for barking. Its everyday and really starting to wear me down

AIBU To roll in fox shit on every walk...yes it smells of death...but it such a fragrant death! THEN.
...bloody hooman washes me .....death smell diminishes...until tomorrow!!!!

AIBU to be creeped out that my Hooman watches me whilst I poo? I know she keeps looking away but I know what she is doing! She shoos me out of the toilet when she's in there..
(Disclaimer from hooman..DDog often had bloody poo so had to look at it! So needed to keep an eye out where it was.. must admit he did look embarrassed!)
DDog died in September so am writing this in tears..would give anything to pick up his poo again!

AIBU to be annoyed at my hooman being annoyed at me for defending the house against these people who come to my door and telling them to go away loudly when she is on a Teams/Work Call? It's not my fault she buys so much shit online.
Also I am fed up with her shooing me out her office when she is on a video call/meeting. I only want to say hello to her colleagues and she hasn't petted or cuddled me for at least 5 minutes.

Who is BU - Me or my family?
Every day a man in a red coat comes to the door and tries to deliver suspicious looking packages. EVERY DAY without fail my family leave it to me to yell at him to go away and leave us alone. Why can't they do their fair share of yelling? Honestly sometimes I think they take me for granted. I could just stop and force them to do it but the yelling I don't want to risk the death of my entire family at the hands of this man. AIBU?

@Marylou62..am sorry for the loss of your DDog. . We lost one of our boys in December, so know how you feel. Heartbreaking.

Every morning my Mom gets on the floor on a big squishy purple mat to do some Eggs-or-slices. I try to join in, and squeak my squeaky ball beside her ear. But she wont let me join her on the mat! No matter how loudly I squeak the ball! It’s called downward facing dog, fer goodness sake.

AIBU not to share my toys with my brothers? I am very tidy and like to keep everything together, on the sofa, between mum and dad but they keep passing the things to my brothers so I have to run around and gather them all up again.

pugdogmom...thank you.. It is hard... But last Sunday my DD got a dachshund puppy.. Another ddog to love...

Cat: Sits high on a shelf; silently listening to dog-speak. Quietly he sighs, extends his claws, and thinks "Yet again, I am thankful I am NOT a dog". He curls himself up, shuts his eyes, and sleeps

AIBU to think that 5am is a totally reasonable time to start my grooming routine next to the humans' bed? A girl has to look good for the day ahead, and surely they want to know how clean my bum and paws are? They are so lazy, wanting to stay in bed till 6!

That I go to a professional groomer every ten weeks, she is qualified, I have trained her to give me treats at appropriate intervals ... and quite enjoy the hour travel each way... My groomer is fantastic, I even jump up on the table for her.

So erm why does my unqualified servant insist on baths in between grooms?

AIBU to wonder why the small human has left the house this morning without taking me for a walk?

AIBU in thinking my human is an utter dickhead. He pretends to throw my bell but doesn’t. I run 20 feet before realising I’ve been had and he stands there laughing like a massive tube. I am
justified in shitting in his new trainers later right?

@SnotLongTilEaster

It’s because cats are such cuties with the best pads and the softest fur, and cats are very independent. They also don’t smell like you mere dogs

Cats absolutely do smell. We had 2 cats, the house smelled of cats. Now we have one dog and the house smells of him.

I love these!

AIBU to wonder why no humans have written about me for two whole weeks?

AIBU to expect to pull mum. I am a breed designed to pull. She gets cross when I suddenly go in a direction she doesnt want to go in. and takes off and lands flat on her face She insists I 'walk nicely', I ask you , where is the fun in that!