Covid newborn

[Stars92]

I'm due with my first baby in May. I'm already feeling anxious about visitors after newborn is born. My mil has already said she really hope's everything is back to normal by may. This is her first grandchildren and is overbearing. She doesnt follow the covid rules and expects me and my husband to sit in their house etc I know she will expect her friends and extended family to visit baby. What is everyone else doing for visitors when newborn arrives? I know I'm worrying about something that is ages away and need to stop thinking about it and see what it's like closer to the time.

Definitely stop worrying about May, it's almost seven months away and things can change.
You need to look at the situation much closer to the time, and then decide what you want to do.

'The hospital advised'
'My midwife said'

Then tell them what you actually want.

Even without covid, you’re not obliged to have your MIL’s friends/extended family come to visit the baby if you don’t want them to.

Covid gives you a wonderful excuse.. if you don’t feel able to just tell her you don’t feel up to all those visitors, say that the hospital has told you that you’re only allowed immediate family or something.

Definitely say the midwife/hospital said....; we did that with my in laws and there were no issues. In all honesty covid aside you may not want a parade of extended family and her friends so it wouldn’t be a bad thing to be clear about that from the start and be prepared to ignore the doorbell if she isn’t one to phone ahead

This has been playing on my mind too as someone due in May.

I’m not worried about pushy/unwanted visitors as we keep quite a small and close group of friends and family. I’m actually torn between wanting to share this with them and how much I will need to shield the baby.

I just keep telling myself to wait till nearer the time to really think on it as May could be so different to now. Can’t fix a problem that hasn’t happened yet!

Congrats on your baby by the way, hope things are going well ans you don’t feel too rough!

Try not to worry - you have no idea what the situation will be like in May and so you might be torturing yourself with possibilities that never happen. The good news is that having a baby in the spring means you should be able to do a lot of outdoors socialising in the first few months. So even if the risk/restrictions remain similar to now there will be a way to see people.

Of course your MIL is hoping for that - it must be devastating for grandparents not to be able to see their grandchildren (and of course she will be proud and want to show the baby off to friends etc but that is likely to be the area she has to compromise in and as PP suggested you can always avoid this by 'blaming' someone else - health visitor, government regs, etc.

Mostly though - don't worry! Still 6-7 months to go!

You must only be 3months? You've got ages to go yet, cross that bridge when it comes to it.

Have a happy & healthy 9months pregnancy. Stay safe!,

Hopefully it will be better by then, maybe the grandparents will have vaccinations! You could say you are self isolating after the hospital stay for 2 weeks incase you pass anything on to them to give you a 2 week breather and then say you will only meet people outdoors and then decide about if only immediate family will hold the baby if in a mask. But don't feel guilty about saying no.... Give them a guilt trip about why put a newborn at risk with a virus we know little about..... My Mum held our newborn but only because she was here already looking after our other kids but since then we haven't let anyone hold our baby. We just went for walks outside and it was tough luck if they didn't like it

Your baby Your rules
remember safety is not negotiable.
We all need to adapt to this new world

You’re borrowing trouble. Unless you enjoy drama and want to spend the next 7 months stirring, then the time to worry about this is about a week before you are due.

Talk to your husband and make sure you are on the same page, and then tell people who is allowed in and when.

People can only walk all over you if you let them.

She can expect all she likes, it doesn't mean you have to do it.

Do you have your husbands support in this matter?

My daughter was born in August when things seemed to have calmed down a bit so I did let my close friends and family visit her. As the months have gone on, they have all been much more careless by going to the cinema, pubs etc. So about 3 weeks ago I messaged everyone to say for my daughters sake they are no longer able to visit as they are constantly putting her at risk. She can't speak up for herself so it is my job to keep her sake. I felt absolutely rotten having to ban them all from seeing her but if it means keeping her safe then I can live with that. We've been so careful to keep her safe at home so by letting people in the house who have been out places just undid all our hard work. So no visitors now for a few months and I am ok with that knowing it will keep my baby safe :)

It’s 7 months away, I’d worry about it closer to the time personally. Who knows what things will look like in 7 months time, maybe the vaccination will have been approved or maybe case numbers will be super low. Maybe we’ll be in the sixth lockdown all feeling suicidal as well, who knows!

Anything could have happened by May. I'd just tell her that you'll advise nearer the time based on the situation then.

36 weeks pregnant here. I'm very, very vulnerable myself so absolutely no visitors here. I need to protect myself and none of my family or friends are following the guidelines. Too bad. I promised to send lots of pictures.

I’m also due in May and quite anxious.
I’m putting it to the back of my mind and will revisit it all in April, we’ll have a clearer idea by then and plenty of time to let our families know intentions then.
There’s no point in wasting the pregnant worrying.

I’m due in December. I’m happy for immediate family to visit because I trust them and know they’re following the rules. I wouldn’t be happy with my family having lots of their friends around at the same time.

I would try and shelve your concerns for now - may is a really long time away, and things could be totally different by then. Don’t borrow your worries

I'm due in April and have exactly the same worries. But in addition my partner is a tradesman so he's in and out of people's houses all the time. No idea how we will arrange things. It's very easy for people to say don't worry about it until later... but unfortunately it's true. Hopefully things will be a bit better by then and at least it will be spring. X

I’m due in a few weeks and have changed my mind on this so many times! From nobody will be meeting baby, to people will have to wear masks and have a sheet between them and baby while holding her - we’ve now settled on restricting visitors to immediate family only for at least the first few months and no masks but anyone who wants to hold her will need to wash hands first.
My partners brother works as a nursing assistant and whilst it’s rare if ever he would be in contact with any COVID positive patients we’ve also agreed that he will time his visit in line with when he has received a negative test to be extra sure... he only works 2 days a week and gets tested fortnightly as a precaution so will know there’s low risk.
We trust everyone to be being as safe as possible and we aren’t isolating ourselves so for us it’s about weighing up risk vs what support we want from family. Definitely no extended family or friends unfortunately.
It’s easily said but try to put it as far to the back of your mind as possible, I spent weeks and weeks torturing myself about the unknown and by the time you get to May there could be so much changed. The most important thing is you and your partner being on the same page and agreeing what you’re both comfortable with.

You describe her as ‘overbearing’. This is the perfect time to start practising “no; sorry, that’s not what I want to happen”. Take hold of the authority-don’t make the midwife or hospital the bad guy. Your mil doesn’t somehow ‘outrank’ you in your immediate family.

Just remember that mother in law is at far greater risk of serious illness with covid than your baby, hopefully she will have been vaccinated by then.
In pre covid times babies overwashed in a houseful of disinfectant are more likely to have allergies so need to be sensible.

@fiftiesmum this is so true, reckon we may end up with a whole group of children with increased allergy issues as the whole world is sanitised at the moment 😣

I can totally relate to this, I’m due my first baby in February & it’s easy to say don’t worry but being pregnant is like being in a constant risk assessment headspace isn’t it!

I can’t see the situation being much different when I’m due so my plan is for the first month or so it’ll just be me, my boyfriend & our baby with no visitors which I think will be nice as we find our feet as a family. Then if immediate family would like to meet our baby, I’ll ask that they sort of self isolate first - essentially matching what we’re doing of not socialising, trips out to the supermarket but that’s pretty much it. It won’t be doable for everyone but they can choose whether or not they’re prepared to do it. My priority is the safety of my baby. It’d be totally different under different circumstances but it’s such an unknown I think this will be the most comfortable way for us to do it. People in my family & my boyfriend’s are reducing their contact with others since COVID but not to the level I’d feel comfortable with & it feels risky.

Fingers crossed things are easier by may when your baby is due. It’s a really difficult time to be pregnant & there’s no right or wrong so speak up for what you feel is the right decision for you & don’t feel you have to justify yourself. Simply saying this is what we’ve chosen to keep our baby safe is enough.

Screw that! Your baby, your rules. You might just have to get used to the idea of upsetting her.

I'm also due in May :) it's a long time away and I'm hoping things will be nearly back to normal. But we wont be having visitors in the first week anyway. And if covid is still hanging around I'll use that as our excuse but really I know I'm going to feel overwhelmed and dont need crowding.

You need to be following the rules at the minute now though, you're vulnerable because your immune system is weaker during pregnancy, you could get seriously ill even just from the flu. You cant be going and sitting in their house. You need to push the "I know its rubbish but you dont want any harm to come to your grandchild do you" narrative.