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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is tickling cheating?

73 replies

Nips01 · 21/01/2020 11:29

Hi

This is not a TAAT, but inspired by one I started

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3796316-AIBU-weird-game-at-Hen-Party

In a nutshell: I was at a hen party where the girls played a version of Twister where they were tickled in various spots by a semi naked (and gorgeous!) butler in the buff.

So the latest update is that photos have ended up on Facebook and as a result one of the girls bfs has accused her of cheating because she let this guy tickle her. She admitted it was fun but her defence is it was just a game, there were plenty of other people around etc. The guy did ask everyones consent etc and people seemed happy to play. The hens were mostly in PJs and the guy in just boxers. This particular hen can't remember where she was tickled but the spots on the game included feet, bum, sides, knees etc.

Bf is basically saying that being willingly tickled by another man, even as part of a game, is cheating and considers it a violation of their relationship.

I'm not taking sides as I'm friends with both of the couple, but would be interested to know what people think. Is tickling / being tickled by a close friend any different to a stranger? Does wearing PJs etc make it any difference? The fact it was "public" and not just two people in a room together make it any better? I have certainly got into tickle fights and stuff with guys when I was younger and always considered it flirting, at the very least.

Thoughts please ladies!

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 21/01/2020 13:55

Of course it isn’t disrespectful or cheating.

Straycatstrut · 21/01/2020 13:57

I didn't think people did hen parties with strippers anymore - feels very 90s.

I'm single but if I had an OH I wouldn't like him being tickled by girls in their underwear. Don't blame the guys being peed off.

Now I've written it, it does sound very weird, tacky and teenage.

Bibidy · 21/01/2020 13:58

The employment angle makes it seedier, to my mind. It pushes it into the area of exploitation. I would be unhappy about my husband doing that, and I would expect him to be unhappy with me doing that.

So interesting how different people think isn't it?!

I would genuinely be far more concerned if I saw pictures of my partner chatting to some randomer in a nightclub than if I saw photos of him and his mates playing a game with someone whose job it is to entertain them.

Perhaps one-on-one it would be different, but everyone was involved here.

Areyoufree · 21/01/2020 13:59

There's no black and white in this - what is cheating in one relationship can be acceptable in another. It sounds like they have different ideas about where the boundaries are.

Straycatstrut · 21/01/2020 14:00

Who would post hen pics online?!

Are you joking? People will have posted live videos I bet.

Sexnotgender · 21/01/2020 14:02

Not cheating but certainly boundary crossing.

If my DH was tickled by a semi naked stripper I’d be very upset.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/01/2020 14:36

People will have posted live videos I bet.

Why? For whose benefit?

hazell42 · 21/01/2020 14:36

You should be taking sides
You should be taking that woman to one side, and telling her that her boyfriend is a possessive controlling arse
You should stand by her side when she tells him so
And then stand by her side when she goes out as a single woman to have some fun without him
It was a hen party game. It was a little bit naughty, as hen party games are supposed to be. The tickler appropriately sought permission from everyone first, and the innocent, fun, photos were put on fb because no one had anything to hide
Her bf needs to be told to fuck off.
Hopefully she will have all those hens by her side when she tells him so

BigFatLiar · 21/01/2020 14:54

You should be taking sides
You should be taking that woman to one side, and telling her that her boyfriend is a possessive controlling arse
You should stand by her side when she tells him so
And then stand by her side when she goes out as a single woman to have some fun without him
It was a hen party game. It was a little bit naughty, as hen party games are supposed to be. The tickler appropriately sought permission from everyone first, and the innocent, fun, photos were put on fb because no one had anything to hide
Her bf needs to be told to fuck off.
Hopefully she will have all those hens by her side when she tells him so

Hopefully he'll agree and when he calls to let her know he's gone down a strip club with his pals for a bit of fun then she'll say' thats nice dear enjoy yourself'

It all depends on what the couple find acceptable in their relationship. If she see's nothing wrong with the hen night high-jinks then she should have no issue with his visiting strip clubs. If she expects him not to do strip clubs she should have had more sense than to take part. We're making assumptions based on no info regarding the girls relationship with her bf.

If someone came on here that their bf had gone on a night out with the lads and they'd posted pics showing him wearing little cavorting with a stripper we'd all be saying hang on he was only having a bit of fun.

PixieDustt · 21/01/2020 14:58

It's inappropriate.
I'd hit the roof if DP allowed this to happen to him.
I think strippers are tacky imo anyway

MegaClutterSlut · 21/01/2020 15:30

I wouldn't class it as cheating but I would be seriously pissed off. It does cross a line for me and I'm sure dh wouldn't be happy if it were the other way round either

hazell42 · 21/01/2020 15:48

But its not the same as going to a strip club

These were women in their pyjamas being tickled by a bloke wearing shorts

And tbh if the bf had gone to a strip club as part of a stag do I would not be accusing him of cheating
Nothing about what OP described suggests that.
He is behaving in a possessive and controlling manner.

Winterwoollies · 21/01/2020 18:08

I bet that boyfriend would happily go to a strip club and have a private dance and wouldn’t consider that to be ‘cheating’. 🙄

Qwerty543 · 21/01/2020 19:13

Not cheating but another saying inappropriate. I would find it inappropriate to let another man do this to me and I'd find it inappropriate to let a semi naked stripper do this to DP too.

Aragog · 24/01/2020 17:40

Not cheating but tacky and horrible,
I'd not be happy with dh being tickled by an almost naked woman, and he'd not be happy with me being tickled by an almost naked man either. Fortunately neither of us would join in with such a 'game.'

I don't really find strippers and the like appropriate in this day and age. Fortunately don't have the type of friends who would have them at their parties.

Dh doesn't go to strip clubs, etc either. He declined the option at the last stag do he went to - him and another couple of the blokes who weren't interested just went for a curry instead, and left the others to it. Its just not his thing, which suits me just fine I have to say.

Aragog · 24/01/2020 17:43

by a bloke wearing shorts

Boxer shorts. Underwear - pants. Not the same as proper shorts, with presumably pants on underneath too.

But its not the same as going to a strip club

It is really surely? Its a person who removes his clothes for the pleasure of those watching. Just happens to be in a private home instead of a public bar.

He is behaving in a possessive and controlling manner.

I don't think it is controlling to not want your partner to be tickled by a semi naked man.

Barbararara · 24/01/2020 17:50

I think people are entitled to their boundaries and if he feels that this is over stepping the mark, then maybe they aren’t suited to each other.

I wouldn’t want to be involved in the game and I definitely wouldn’t want to embarrass dh with a photo like that on Facebook.

He’d probably be more meh about it though Smile

HolyChickpea · 24/01/2020 17:51

Wouldn't bother me at all, it just sounds a bit rubbish.
But then I'm not bothered when DP goes to strip clubs on stag do's. I don't like the exploitation but it's not cheating.

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom · 24/01/2020 17:51

Doesn’t matter whether you classify it as “cheating” or not. He didn’t like it, found it inappropriate and doesn’t want to be in that kind of relationship. So he’s not. I wouldn’t take it from my DH. I wouldn’t take texting other women or sending pics either. Neither of these even involve physical contact, so being groped by a stripper would be well over my line. I wouldn’t need anyone to validate that decision with an official definition of cheating.

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2020 18:12

Honestly OP, I thought the last thread was weird enough but another one? Confused

Do you have a tickling fetish?

MintyMabel · 24/01/2020 18:23

How would any of these women feel if their partners had taken part in the same game with a female stripper?

Would any of these women do the same thing if their partners had been in the room?

The answer of course is no. Therefore the BF is quite right, it is cheating.

MyuMe · 24/01/2020 18:26

This is why I am so glad i have never been invited to a hen party

That sounds like my idea of hell and save for the naked butler, more suited to a pre pubescent children's party.

MyuMe · 24/01/2020 18:27

I wouldn't want to be tickled in my pyjamas by a random half naked man and I would go mad if my partner did it.

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