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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel incredibly guilty over childcare situation

52 replies

Quail1 · 15/01/2020 06:27

I have one 2 year old DC, who started nursery four days a week recently so I could focus on my self employment. January has always been my quietest month, but this January has been abysmal and I’ve had to start applying for other jobs as I’m worried about being able to pay normal bills as well as DC nursery fees.

I’ve found one which pays better than my current self employment - but it means I have to put DC into nursery for an extra hour every morning, when they already do four full days. It’s a specific ‘early morning club’ and I don’t think many children attend.

I feel sick with guilt at putting DC into nursery for so many hours in the first place, and for my self employment to not take off like I’d hoped, and to now have to possibly book even more hours on top. Sad

OP posts:
titsbumfannythelot · 15/01/2020 06:29

Are you still able to do 4 days with nursery?

BillHadersNewWife · 15/01/2020 06:30

Oh God it's fine! You'd feel even worse if he lived in poverty believe me!

He's in a warm, safe place with other children and trained professionals to care for him.

He can have Friday, Sat and Sun and evenings with you OP!

SnowsInWater · 15/01/2020 06:31

Needs must. Don't beat yourself up about it, you are doing your best for your family and your child will be fine at nursery.

Original poster
Quail1 · 15/01/2020 06:31

@titsbumfannythelot yes it’ll still be the same four days they attend, just an extra hour or so each morning

OP posts:
Thehop · 15/01/2020 06:33

I work in a nursery and do our breakfast club a few mornings a week. It’s a lovely get together, we chat about what we’ll do, have a breakfast together and then play whilst nursery is lovely and quiet before the usual morning rush. Honestly, it’s my child’s fa outvote time of day!

And as for nursery......they are so loved, and entertained.

Please do not feel guilty for giving your child learning and play experiences and setting such a great example!

Good luck with the job

Hollyhead · 15/01/2020 06:35

YABU there’s nothing to feel guilty about. It’s an overreaction, probably because you’re worried about other things. My children did long days at that age and were fine.

Save guilt for when you do something actually bad!

titsbumfannythelot · 15/01/2020 06:36

You'll have 3 days with your LO then, which will hopefully be more relaxed and fun as there are less money worries. Your LO wont notice. Good luck with the new job.

Ishotmrburns · 15/01/2020 06:37

An extra hour isn't a big deal.

You are trying to build a better life for you and your DC. Be proud of that.

Mandarinfish · 15/01/2020 06:37

Please don’t feel guilty OP. I’m sorry your business isn’t working out but you’re just doing what you have to do.

Original poster
Quail1 · 15/01/2020 06:39

Thanks for the replies, I know the nursery staff are great, the nursery had a long waiting list for us to get a place and DC learns loads there. Just trying to shake this horrible sad guilty feeling - I think a big part of it is my self employment not going as well as I’d hoped Blush

OP posts:
Pippinsqueak · 15/01/2020 06:40

I feel your situation. I have to increase my days from three to four with my little one who turns one soon in childminders for financial reason.

Sounds silly and I know it's just an extra day but I feel bad now that work is now the majority of the week and not my baby.

nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 15/01/2020 06:41

Agree with previous posters. My DS loves having breakfast with his pals at Nursery. It is a long day but I have no alternative just like you . I'm sure people will be along to give their view but you have to do what is best for your family. For what it's worth, my DS has developed excellent relationships with other children and staff and loves his nursery days.

PirateWeasel · 15/01/2020 06:44

From one working mum to another... solidarity, sister! Be reassured that this is completely normal. Every single woman I know has gone back to work at least 3 or 4 days a week after maternity leave, and some of them have big commutes which mean their little ones are in nursery from 7.30-6. The children are happy learning and socialising, and the parents are financially secure, and as a PP said, the result is much better quality time together on your days off. The guilt is real, I know, but you're doing an amazing job!!

LashesZ · 15/01/2020 06:47

My DD is in full time childcare. The guilt is REAL but I figure the guilt would be worse in future when she comes home from school asking to go on a school trip that I couldn't afford if I were to drop my hours. Unfortunately this lack of work/family balance is the way the world works nowadays.

kevintheorangecarrot · 15/01/2020 06:47

I felt so guilty when my son was going nursery full time while I was at uni! He loved it. I promise your LO will love it too. Don't feel guilty. It does them the world of good. Socialising and learning via play. He currently PT in childcare now but I am looking to put him in childcare FT as soon as my hours increase at work.

MabelMoo23 · 15/01/2020 06:48

The guilt is real. I have a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old and they are in nursery 7.45 to 6pm 3 days a week. When my oldest starts school I’ll have to do 4 days so I can reduce my hours slightly so I can do pick ups so it means the 2 yr old will be in 4 rather than 3

But needs must. Both mine love nursery which is a relief and they learn so much. But it’s hard

winetomorrow · 15/01/2020 07:02

My little one is usually always one of the first to be dropped off, she loves it as she gets loads of one on one attention from the teachers. The 'mum' guilt is always there but definitely eases with time :)

NotQuiteUsual · 15/01/2020 07:08

2 year olds thrive in nurseries! They're starting to discover social skills at that age and they do so well being around other children so much. Don't feel guilty!

user1493413286 · 15/01/2020 07:10

For financial reasons I had to put my 2 year old into full time childcare; I didn’t like it but it’s done her absolutely no harm and she loves it there and loves it at home where I make sure that the time we have together is quality time. Please don’t feel guilty for doing what you need to do.

Starlight456 · 15/01/2020 07:13

Cm here.

The quieter time will be lovely. One more hour makes no difference . Paying the bills does

Interestedwoman · 15/01/2020 07:21

It'll be fine, the DC won't mind they're there an hour earlier. It'll be good for them- more mingling :)

GiveHerHellFromUs · 15/01/2020 07:25

They won't even notice the extra hour and it'll give them a better quality of life in the long run. Don't feel guilty.

Marchitectmummy · 15/01/2020 07:26

Part of parenthood is to always feel guilty I think!

Focus more on making good use of the times you are together than worrying about the times you are not. In my experience if you find the right nursery children love going there, meet and enjoy lots of children, get through all their sickness before attending school and learn how to respond to adults who are not related or from their parents friendship group.

Really do not worry about a bit of extra on their day they are resilient little things, but do aim to be present when they aren't at nursery rather than distracted by mobile phones or whatever else.

Good luck it will all be fine

Dontdisturbmenow · 15/01/2020 07:27

Most kids love nursery. They don't have the same notion of time as we do.

Think of the worse possibility, that he absolutely hates it, you are convinced he is traumatised by it, and you can always go back to your self-employment.

This whole guilt of putting kids in nursery is just sprayed by mothers who have the luxury of not working or doing so very part-time. It makes them feel better about themselves to believe that their children are much happier with them than at an environment where they are not getting full attention.

In most cases, kids are delighted to go places where they get to do a lot of fun things, spending time with friends, and learning new things.

Dozer · 15/01/2020 07:30

An extra hour each day should be fine. Fewer DC being there is better IMO!

If at any time you have concerns about your childcare, act on it then. I didn’t do that and still feel guilty about it, many years on! (DC fine!)

Are you single? If not could your DH do some of the mornings or pick ups?