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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly pissed off at my MIL

54 replies

imdoingthisagain · 15/12/2019 14:53

MIL is always turning up unannounced. I'm talking every couple of days and always at the worst times (when we're having tea, when we're trying to put DS to bed, when we've only just got in from work etc).

Today though she really pissed me off. DS was napping in his bouncer, he's been really grouchy all morning because he's tired so thought great, we have some quiet time whilst he's asleep.

Next minute MIL knocks loudly on the door, thus waking DS up from his nap. He's now in an even worse mood before because he was woken up after a short time.

AIBU to be really angry at this? I've had enough of my house not feeling like my own; it's like none of DHs family can bare to be away for more than a couple of days. It's not difficult to send a quick message before hand to ask if it's an appropriate time to visit!

OP posts:
HannaYeah · 15/12/2019 14:54

Have you asked her to contact you before turning up? If not, do so immediately!

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 15/12/2019 14:54

Stop answering the door.

Ohdearohdearyme · 15/12/2019 14:55

Can you put a sign on the door saying 'baby is napping, please dont knock/disturb' and then ignore the door.

Has your DH told his mum how inconvenient it is?

Confusedbeetle · 15/12/2019 14:57

It could be done quite tactfully
" It would be such a shame if we werent in, would you mind texting or giving me a ring to say you are on your way

Original poster
imdoingthisagain · 15/12/2019 15:04

My boyfriend doesn't think there's anything wrong with her just turning up whenever she wants. He just doesn't get it.

She helps herself to coffee and sprawls out on the couch Angry

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 15/12/2019 15:05

I love people dropping in unexpectedly. It hardly ever happens and it's a rare treat. Perhaps your MIL feels the same. I think YABU if you expect her to just guess that this doesn't work for you but if you've asked her and she is ignoring you than she is BU. I think you would potentially object to her phoning to see if you're free though as that could also wake your little one up. The real issue appears to be that your baby is not yet a sound sleeper.

tikitent · 15/12/2019 15:06

You need to move further away and stop answering the door ao she has a wasted journey.

CallmeAngelina · 15/12/2019 15:11

To not answer the door in this instance would probably have meant her knocking even louder and for longer.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2019 15:13

You should hand her the crabby baby, and go and have a long, hot bath, @imdoingthisagain. And explain that the reason he is so cross is that she bloody woke him up. Let her deal with the fall out of waking him.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/12/2019 15:16

Just ask her to let you know when shes coming. Problem sorted.

Awrite · 15/12/2019 15:19

Yeah, we had this until one evening I had a tantrum. Dh had to impose the rule with his Mum that she text first. This was a few years ago and she's stuck to the rule.

Don't let it fester until you can't take it anymore.

Lazypuppy · 15/12/2019 15:21

If you haven't told her not to do it then YABU...she's not a mind reader.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/12/2019 15:22

It's not exactly a rare treat if she is doing it every couple of days.

She obviously doesn't have much of her own life if she has time to do this.

I couldn't cope with this from anybody including my DM so it is definitely not a MIL thing for me.

Would she listen if you ask her to text/ring to check whether it is convenient?

LannieDuck · 15/12/2019 15:23

If DH doesn't see anything wrong with it, hand the baby to him and go for a bath / go out / take a book to your room. Leave him to deal with grouchy baby + MIL.

Readthisearlier · 15/12/2019 15:25

I wouldn't answer the door. Yes perhaps she'd wake the baby a few times but she'd soon stop doing it.

Drum2018 · 15/12/2019 15:28

Good idea to put a sign on the door re 'baby sleeping, please don't knock/ring bell' - and leave it there permanently Grin

saraclara · 15/12/2019 15:38

Back in the day, I used to be one of those people who dropped in. It was something I grew up with, and I just didn't get that other people didn't appreciate it. So I can see why your DH is bemused.

To be honest, I wish that someone had gently asked me not to just turn up on their doorstep back then. But I think the compromise can only be that she contacts you first. Then maybe you can occasionally say 'sorry, it's not a great time right now' until she starts to limit her visits herself.

VenusTiger · 15/12/2019 15:39

YANBU I had to ask the in-laws early on not to call us at 10 bloody PM on a Sunday when my son was a baby - our DS is their only grandchild and it’s been a while since they’ve had to think about this... so, I asked DH to have a word and they called at around 7 instead.
Ask DH to speak to them though, don’t do it yourself, it’s not worth the “manipulative wife” accusations. Trust me!

Tistheseason17 · 15/12/2019 15:40

YANBU - some boundaries need to be set.

ppeatfruit · 15/12/2019 15:43

Does she always come at a similar time? You could txt her BEFORE she turns up and say "Oh baby's been grouchy he's just sleeping please don't come" . Maybe give her a time that suits you.

HavelockVetinari · 15/12/2019 15:44

You have a DP problem, not a MIL problem. If no-one has asked her to text first then how would she know she's annoying you? Ask her nicely to text in advance, and explain that DS is a really poor sleeper so you're trying to limit visitors around certain times like nap-time, dinner-time and bedtime. She'll almost certainly be fine with that, anyone reasonable would be.

AdaColeman · 15/12/2019 15:44

Always answer the door in your underwear and say you & BF are too busy to see her! Crown Wink

AdaColeman · 15/12/2019 15:47

Or as she's leaving say "We'll see you a week on Tuesday, that's the 19th".

IdblowJonSnow · 15/12/2019 15:49

Ugh. I had this when we had our first baby. I asked them to text first and they were so appalled by the suggestion they never popped in again!
Job done!
People really fall into two camps with this one. It should come from your dh really.

RB68 · 15/12/2019 15:56

hand her grumpy child and leave is what I would do - just gotta pop out for milk,,,,

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