Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with him so close to Christmas?

88 replies

Patchworkquilt24 · 14/12/2019 23:56

I'm in a really unhappy relationship. I don't want to be in it anymore. It's going absolutely nowhere and I want a different life to this. Would it just be completely horrible to break up with him 10 days before Christmas? I know it's awful timing.

OP posts:
Riv · 14/12/2019 23:58

Surely it would be more horrible for you to continue being with him for Christmas.
New year, new start.

AlwaysThereForEveryoneElse · 14/12/2019 23:59

I would.
I split with ds dad a week before his birthday. (DV)
And 1 day before my exs birthday (controlling and had enough)

Why stay unhappy just for the timings.

DH always gets nervous around his birthday lmao

Tubridy · 14/12/2019 23:59

God, do it immediately.

StarShop · 15/12/2019 00:00

Do it now. He will be over the worst bit by Christmas.

Illeana · 15/12/2019 00:02

It’s really hard to pretend to be happy over Christmas. End it while he has time off work to process it and family around him with the joy of the holidays to cheer him up.

hoxtonbabe · 15/12/2019 00:07

Do it, I broke up with ex on the 30th December, he made my life hell to the lead up to Christmas, Christmas Day was horrid and wish I never spent it with him. I wish I had done it just before as I ended up with a crappy Christmas AND New Years!

Feelingabitashamed · 15/12/2019 00:13

I would get it over with. You will feel much better if this is your decision and it's as good a time as any, plenty of distractions for both of you.

Not sure what your living circumstances are but something to bear in mind might be that it may be a slower or more expensive than normal time of year to sort out alternative accommodation/ moving costs if you need to move out quickly (just in case you are living at his). Perhaps enlist friends or family beforehand to help if this is the situation.

Original poster
Patchworkquilt24 · 15/12/2019 00:18

How do you say it? God I feel sick. How's the best way to say that I'm really unhappy and this is going nowhere...

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 15/12/2019 00:26

Dd’s dad was kicked out on Christmas Eve. Best decision I ever made! Christmas was a bit weird, but I had my family around so it was fine.

Definitely get rid. Just say exactly that.

Andysbestadventure · 15/12/2019 00:29

"I don't want to be with you anymore. This isn't working." Give him 24hrs to get his stuff and go, and a time he can come and get the rest from the doorstep.

Sparklesocks · 15/12/2019 00:33

Just be honest and clear, you can say the relationship just isn’t working anymore and you aren’t happy.

Apileofballyhoo · 15/12/2019 00:34

The most ethical thing is to break up now. Don't wait.

VimFuego101 · 15/12/2019 00:35

Best to do it now so he has a couple of weeks before Christmas to pull himself back together...

jinglebelldogs · 15/12/2019 00:38

Do you live together?

francienolan · 15/12/2019 00:38

My first boyfriend, when I was a teen, I felt bad breakin up with so I let several occasions go by so I wouldn't ruin them for him--his birthday, his prom etc. Then when I did break up with him he exclaimed "I can't believe youre breaking up with me right before my parents anniversary!" There's never a great time, just do it.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 15/12/2019 00:40

Someone I know has just ended a very long relationship. They didn’t want to fake a happy Christmas. They said it was sad, but this relationship has run it’s course.

Be brave Flowers

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/12/2019 00:55

I broke up with my ex on Valentine’s Day. He’d got me a lovely card and everything. I just burst into tears because I wasn’t feeling it anymore and couldn’t fake it any longer. Sad

Still feel bad about it now. He was a decent enough guy, but not for me.

MyNewBearTotoro · 15/12/2019 00:59

Do you live together, own a house, have pets or children? If breaking up means he needs to move out, leave his children or otherwise face a period of anxiety and uncertainty I would probably wait until after Christmas. If you live separately and don’t have kids etc I wouldn’t see any reason to wait.

Creepster · 15/12/2019 01:01

Do not live one more day in misery.
There will always be a reason not to do what you know you should.
Set that aside and do what is right for you.
Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Jozen · 15/12/2019 01:08

Do it now.
I ended a relationship with my ex on New Year's Day, he'd made the entire holiday as miserable as fuck with his drinking and carrying on, I wished I'd ended it sooner. He even turned up uninvited at my work's Christmas party pissed and making a show of himself, the twat.
No time is a good time but then now is as good as any. Do it, you'll feel better for it.

Tigger001 · 15/12/2019 01:15

It's better to do it now than keeping up with pretence all over Christmas.....rip that plaster off so to speak.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/12/2019 01:21

Do it now otherwise you'll accidentally do it just before Christmas. I did. And my MIL then died unexpectedly. Truly awful for my poor exH.

SarahH12 · 15/12/2019 01:28

Do it! There will always be a reason that breaking up with someone is a bad time.

Not quite the same but many years ago I broke up with an ex when his Dad was dying. Ex branded me a bitch but at the end of the day there's never a good time. In my case it would have been awful when his dad was dying, it would've been bad in the run up to the funeral, a week / a month after the funeral etc. Point is sometimes you just have to look after you and actually it's fairer on the other person to not be with someone who doesn't want to be with them.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/12/2019 02:06

I would far rather be single at Xmas (and have been for the last 7yrs!) than with someone who clearly didn't want to be there.

Do you have a solid exit plan? Can you temporarily move in with mates/family while you get your own place sorted? If he moved in with you, then change the locks after he leaves, it's easy done and much cheaper than hiring a locksmith and avoids the whole "can I have my key back? thanks. Have you made a duplicate?..."

TimeForNewStart · 15/12/2019 02:07

I split up form my ex 10 days before Christmas. There will always be some reason not to, always some bad timing - so I think the best thing to do is rip the plaster off.

Swipe left for the next trending thread