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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To break up with him so close to Christmas?

88 replies

Patchworkquilt24 · 14/12/2019 23:56

I'm in a really unhappy relationship. I don't want to be in it anymore. It's going absolutely nowhere and I want a different life to this. Would it just be completely horrible to break up with him 10 days before Christmas? I know it's awful timing.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/12/2019 02:08

BTW my last LTR ended at the end of February, I used to tell people "I made him his favourite dinner for V Day [and it was a fucking faff] clearly I didn't do a good enough job as he dumped me a week later!"

TimeForNewStart · 15/12/2019 02:09

You say ‘I think we should separate’.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 15/12/2019 02:20

Break up with him today.
Then you will have a good xmas.
You are not responsible for his life.
you are entitled to be happy.

BitOfFun · 15/12/2019 02:38

What's actually going on, love? How long has it been this bad?

JustAnotherPoster00 · 15/12/2019 03:01

Sometimes its better to rip the plaster off OP so that you can both heal

Jux · 15/12/2019 12:27

Sooner the better, really really. You are unhappy, he must now you're unhappy and either he doesn't care (so you owe him nothing) or he does care (so he'll be relieved).

ItsNovemberNotChristmas · 15/12/2019 12:35

How long have you been together and do you live together?

Lidon · 15/12/2019 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hazell42 · 15/12/2019 13:05

I think it is quite disrespectful to your partner to stay with them out of pity.
If you don't want to be with him, do the decent thing and tell him.
You have every right to break up with him.
You are assuming that he will be devastated, which I always think is a little bit arrogant. If the relationship is not good, he may well be relieved.
Just imagine if you were both miserable and both just sticking around because you thought the other one would be crushed. What a waste that would be.
Give him the respect he deserves, tell him its over, and allow him the chance to move and meet someone else, if that is what he wants

x2boys · 15/12/2019 13:17

Well tbh however you do it and whatever you say it's never nice to be dumped ,but either you will have an awful Xmas whilst he is oblivious or you will be happier because you have ended the relationship and your ex will be miserable ,neither option is great but lifes to short to stay in a relationship when you are not happy ,do.it sooner rather than later .

Bunchof5 · 15/12/2019 14:19

Please don't make the same mistake as me. I have had 20 miserable xmas's and 20 rubbish years in between. We have a joint tenancy. I have provided everything in the home and have nowhere to go. I have several disabilities but still manage to work full time in a very physical job. He is always in and out of work so contributes nothing. No money left after he's bought his weed. He won't move out so I'm stuck with another 20 years if i live that long. Please don't put up with it. You will regret it for the rest of your life, and like me, be too old to start again. Go for it while you have the strength.

NightsOfCabiria · 15/12/2019 14:34

Do it today.

I split up with someone I’d been seeing for five months, just four weeks before Christmas.

He was very angry and said I’d lead him on. He shouted and stormed out and told everyone I’d told him I lived him (I hadnt) and had lead him to believe we were getting married (we’d never discussed it). He then started to ring me every day with a barrage of abuse, saying I’d humiliated him and wasted his time. He stopped work and spent the next few weeks getting drunk blaming me.

His family were furious with me as he ran a business with them. They’d all beleived him when he said we were ‘practically engaged.’

When I agreed to meet him to clear the air, he was vile and said that as I’d slept with him then ‘obviously, marriage was on the cards.’. We were both forty fucking three at this stage so you’d assume that ship had sailed!

Anyway, Im telling you this as a cautionary tale; he was known as ‘a nice guy’ ‘a lovely guy’ ‘a true gent’ etc. and to this day nobody else has ever seen the horrible, spiteful, vindictive side of his character. So if you do break up with him, do it in a public place, not in your home like I did. I had to call my brother in law to get him out last time he turned up ‘trying to catch me out with my new man.’

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2019 14:37

Just do it op, don't ruin Xmas for you both by trying to get through it together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/12/2019 15:40

Her and her 2 children (not mine) will be spending Christmas in a hostel this year.

I'm assuming this is shite. But even the thought is pretty vile.

Misscromwellrocks · 15/12/2019 16:03

It depends. Are you unhappy because he treats you badly or because, despite his best efforts, you just don't love him anymore. If the latter, then I'd wait until after Christmas. Otherwise you're going to give him, and probably other members of his family who have to pick up the pieces, a miserable Christmas.

Insideimsprinting · 15/12/2019 16:07

How do you do it?

Just spit it out, it's like pulling an elastoplast off, short sharp and swift. Then you let the sting go away and let him deal with it.

unicornsrule · 15/12/2019 17:06

My dh has just split up with me we have been married for 16 years have 2 dds aged 10 and 14 years
Going to make plans in January

Iggypoppie · 15/12/2019 17:12

Surely a bit of context is required. Also don't make him homeless with 24 hours notice, as a PP has suggested. That's evil
Ĺ

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2019 17:13

Need more info- shared home? Finances? Kids? What were Xmas day plans?

Andylion · 15/12/2019 18:20

Need more info- shared home? Finances? Kids? What were Xmas day plans?

I agree. Several posters have talked about breaking up with abusive arseholes, and there is no reason to take such partner's feelings into account but the OP has said nothing about her partner at all.

Also, he may not have a clue. I was dumped on Christmas Eve and was completely blind-sided.

OP, assuming he's not a monster, if you don't do it now, which would give him time to deal with it before Christmas, I would wait until the days between Christmas and NY.

ILoveAnAgathaChristieMurder · 15/12/2019 19:34

Do it ASAP. There's no good time. One of my teenage boyfriends ( who I'm still friends with and joke about this with ) exclaimed I had ruined his evening watching friends on telly.

jinglebelldogs · 15/12/2019 22:01

@Lidon that's not the same at all and incredibly fucked up. I wouldn't be patting myself on the back.

TimeForNewStart · 15/12/2019 22:04

I think Lidon was joking, and making the point that without additional info people can’t really advise the OP.

jinglebelldogs · 15/12/2019 22:07

I hope so!

Patchworkquilt24 · 15/12/2019 22:10

It's over. Thanks everyone for your kind comments and suggestions and insight.

OP posts: