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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is NOT usual behaviour?

58 replies

HalyardHitch · 07/12/2019 11:02

Ds1 is three next month. He had one of the biggest meltdowns he's ever had just this morning.

He was screeching and screaming and thrashing like a trapped animal. I was trying to hold and comfort him.

He ended up laying on the floor. Wet himself. And continued just to lay in his urine screaming and screeching.

In the end I forcibly picked him up, stripped him and wiped him down. He then said "I need a poo", sat on the toilet and that was the meltdown over.

It wasn't a tantrum as he wasn't asking for anything. It was literally emotional overwhelm.

Is this normal? I don't think it's normal

OP posts:
Heismyopendoor · 07/12/2019 11:04

I have three kids, one on the autistic spectrum, not something I’ve ever experienced.

InACheeseAndPickle · 07/12/2019 11:05

It does sound extreme OP but lots of kids (many on the spectrum some not) do have issues with pooing. Some can hold it in for up to two weeks such is their fear. Has he had any other issues before? Did he seem constipated when he went?

LostInTesco · 07/12/2019 11:07

What happened before the meltdown? I had one dc who is pda and asd, and this could have happened if I pushed against certain boundaries (without knowing they were there) because the stress and anxiety caused would just short circuit all rational processes.

My dc hadn't wet themself, but I know of children holding their breath till they pass out and it seems a similarly intense response...

Whatever, your ds will be exhausted for the rest of the day and probably tomorrow

Kyvia · 07/12/2019 11:08

Can’t comment on normalcy but just wanted to say sounds like it was horrible for the both of you to experience, was it like a panic attack? Hope you’re both recovering ok now Flowers

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 07/12/2019 11:09

Not quite to that extent, but when my now 4yo needs a poo she is substantially more likely to have a tantrum and be unable to get herself out of it. We have had to instigate a toileting routine of before every mealtime, and before leaving the house and that means we usually manage to get her to do it before it starts interfering with her behaviour.

churchandstate · 07/12/2019 11:09

If he doesn’t normally behave like this, could he have been in pain?

PicsInRed · 07/12/2019 11:12

Is he constipated?

It doesn't necessarily present in children as you might imagine, there can also be diarrhoea. Google constipation in children and see if that fits. If it hurts to go, they start to hold it back until it becomes horrendous for them.

Food intolerance can be associated - possibly as the instigating factor due to the intial pain associated with diarrhoea.

Good luck. Flowers

GinNotGym19 · 07/12/2019 11:12

My eldest used to have complete temper tantrums when she was around that age over nothing. Young children can be extremely irrational and not be able to vocalise what they want which makes them even more frustrated.
Mine didn’t wet herself but did the uncontrollable screaming and bashing about. She’s a calm 7 year old now.
The best thing to do is completely ignore it, the more you hold and comfort him the more you’re fuelling it and the more frustrated he’ll get.
Unless he’s wet himself I’d leave the room, him on the floor in a safe place and tell him you’ll come back when he’s calmed down. If he wets himself clean him up without talking to him and repeat you’ll speak to him when he’s calm.

SimonJT · 07/12/2019 11:14

It sounds like a fairly standard morning in my home.

It will be more upsetting/stressful for you than it is for him. As long as he’s safe leave him, hugging etc is likely to make him feel more frustrated.

Original poster
HalyardHitch · 07/12/2019 11:15

I'm not convinced it was related to the poo.
He was sat on me and "dribbled" on me during his meltdown, he definitely needed a wee but couldn't snap himself out of the meltdown in order to go to the toilet.

Preschool don't see these behaviours but do have some concerns over his physical development. He's had these meltdowns since around ten months old (and had extreme colic...think 8 hours of non stop screaming)

OP posts:
Original poster
HalyardHitch · 07/12/2019 11:16

He's low diary and low soya. He's also gluten free and free of added sugars

OP posts:
Original poster
HalyardHitch · 07/12/2019 11:18

I also don't believe I can leave him on his own for these meltdowns. He isn't safe and I believe that something as extreme and scary as that a small child needs the care and support of a caregiver not being left to deal with it alone. He doesnt have the emotional tools to rationalise what is happening. I dont even know what is happening so he can't understand it

OP posts:
Eminado · 07/12/2019 11:18

I dont know much about behavioural issues etc (not knowledgeable enoug or experienced enough to comment) but i just wanted to say please give him a big big big cuddle. That must have been so distressing for him.

I have a 3 yr old. They are hard work Flowers.

Original poster
HalyardHitch · 07/12/2019 11:21

I wonder if he does have asd but then I don't see his "normal behaviour" (ie when he's not having meltdowns) as asd. He is giving, sensitive to others, social, has two way conversation, follows some social norms (although its quirky compared to his friends)

OP posts:
lifecouldbeadream · 07/12/2019 11:42

If you have thought about ASD pursue it- my middle child has ASD and is not a typical presentation.

rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 11:46

Was he constipated? Stomach cramps because of it can be painful and if you are only three it could end up in a tantrum.

ISmellBabies · 07/12/2019 11:49

I don't think it's that unusual for his age tbh. Toddler tantrums can be pretty full on.

Attheendofmytether12345 · 07/12/2019 11:56

My toddler used to do exactly this when he had a night terror (he wasn't quite awake nor quite asleep. He used to thrash and scream and wet himself etc. Going to the toilet suddenly snapped him out of it and he couldn't remember anything about why he was upset etc. Was he fully awake when it started?

TheSandgroper · 07/12/2019 12:02

salicylates would give dd horrendous tantrums. She still needs to mind her diet (as do I, as was I). A food diary might assist.

www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/additive-and-natural-chemical-factsheets/salicylates

Original poster
HalyardHitch · 07/12/2019 12:10

He was awake. It was around 10am

OP posts:
keepingbees · 07/12/2019 12:18

I have an asd ds who has never done this, and an asd dd who does. It presents differently in each child.
At 3 years old it would be hard to know whether it is a tantrum or meltdown, but I would say trust your instincts.
If it's a meltdown the best advice I can give is to treat it as a panic attack. So keep calm and soothe. What soothes will vary from child to child. Try putting their favourite show on tv, playing a favourite song, gently stroking their skin, offering a soft toy or comforter. Try and observe a cause too, often its anxiety or too much sensory stimulation such as bright light, loud noise, too many people around etc.
If it continues speak to your health visitor about a paediatrician referral.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 07/12/2019 12:23

How often does it happen?

My middle child used to have humdinger tantrums - and not because she wanted something or had had an evil plan thwarted - just because. A certain amount of kicking off is entirely usual. It's part of development.

If it's daily it might be worth considering if he is in pain?

He doesn't need to rationalise it btw, though.

Notodontidae · 07/12/2019 12:29

If he needed a poo, his blood pressure would have been up slightly, you holding him when he is having a meltdown, will make things worse.
Just make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and leave him to cool off, he will call you if he needs you to help out.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 07/12/2019 12:32

One of mine used to have very similar screaming fits of anger, with the thrashing. Like nothing I experienced with the other 3. He had tantrums of gradually decreasing ferocity until he was 6ish, plus one almighty one when he was 7. He's just turned 12 and still is more moody and temperamental the his siblings, and is sensitive to things not being 'right' but he doesn't have any conditions which explain it.

StarlingsInSummer · 07/12/2019 12:33

My NT five year old has never been one for tantrums, but just two or three times when he was about that age, he had a complete breakdown, rolling on the floor, screaming, crying, incoherent, about nothing at all. He was just overwhelmed, for some unknown reason! I wouldn’t worry unless it starts happening really frequently.