AIBU or is DH? DIY dispute!

[greentomatos]

Hi

AIBU or is DH?

We have been talking about redecorating our bedroom for some time (2 years), and in recent weeks we have been talking about it more and more. He hates decorating and I enjoy it, so it's usually me that does it. In the past 2 weeks he has commented a few times about how he really hates the current wallpaper and wants us to redecorate soon.

Today he went out and I was struck with the energy/motivation to strip the paper. Thinking I'd do that, we'd have a blank canvas and could decide together how to re-do it.

He is now seriously pissed off at me. In a huff. One word answers. Says he hates living in a construction zone - it's hardly that, it's just plain walls underneath. He is annoyed that I've taken the paper off before we have decided in full what to replace it with.

I'm annoyed as I've put this effort in to do something rather than just talk about it, spent the whole day working hard with the end aim of us having a nice bedroom soon, and he is being so negative.

AIBU or is he?

YANBU. It sounds like he's one of those people who talks about doing things, without any real intention of actually doing them. Annoying.

Eeek. I am with your DH but I can see your side too. I think you are going to have to get it redecorated ASAP now.

For me it’s because I’d rather have it all arranged before hand (new paper chosen, ordered, decorator booked if you’re using one) than be rushed into it Because the walls are all plain and depressing

But I do agree you’ve worked really hard to do a lovely thing and saved him a lot of work too.

DIY is one of those things lots of couples argue over

Stuff that.

I hate decorating, as does DH.

Come to my house, decorate it and i‘ll Feed you cake and gin.

He is. I think what he meant to say was thank you for doing it and making a good start, let’s choose what to have next! Cheeky sod.

I can see both sides.

We're doing up our house and living with half done walls and rooms is really miserable after a while!

Sorry OP, I'd be pissed off too. Going to bed in a room with stripped walls is grim and not at all relaxing, especially when there's no plan in place for doing it. It could be like that for months!

If it makes a difference it is only 1 wall (feature wall, behind the bed)

I think he’s being ungrateful for the effort you’ve put in.

By doing that's you have pushed him further than he was ready to go! I don't blame you though, if you wait for him then it will clearly never be done.
Now you've started, get on and finish it, as soon as practicably possible. Show him a shortlist of wallpaper you're considering and give him 24 hours to pick. If he won't, then chose one yourself. If it's all done in the next few days then he has nothing to complain about but probably will anyway

My ex used to hate the disruption of decorating, didn't want to do it nor to leave me to it so by the time he moved out, everything needed doing. I redecorated half the house in the first 4 months of freedom from his moaning

YANBU. You are starting a job that he clearly doesn't want to do. Yes, sleeping in a room with stripped walls isn't anyone's idea of perfection, but I'm sure he can manage, it's really not the end of the world. And it will mean the room will get decorated much sooner!

I do all the decorating, all my effort and work so I'll do what I want, when I want. If oh wants to comment I'm very happy to work on it together but it's not his thing and he'd rather not do the work so doesn't get a say about when I do it.

He is being unreasonable . You’ve started to get on with it.

He’s being a ridiculous drama queen. If he’a that worried about it, B&Q is open. He can paint it plain white while you both decide what you want longer term.
How do you put up with such a whinger?

I am another that hates living with half done things. I would not be stripping any wallpaper until we had chosen and at least had the money for, if not already purchased the replacement. So when are you going to decide, purcase and put up the new wallpaper?

I find that I never really know what I want until the walls are bare and it's easier for me to decide how I would prefer them to look.
I think he is annoyed because you ruined his moan by actually doing something about it! YANBU.

Yanbu. He should come and live with us if he wants construction zone. I don’t think we’ve ever lived in an anywhere near finished house.

Yanbu. I do all the diy too, if he wants to have a say he should be contributing to the work load. And having it half done will make him get a shift on!

I’d not be happy if my husband did this without a plan to finish the project , he could just not have the headspace to decorate now and faces living in a stripped bare bedroom reminding him of this

YANBU

You're in a lose lose situation, if he talks about a project for 2 years without any action - that makes it obvious that is takes less energy and motivation to scrape the wallpaper off by yourself rather than motivating him to do it with you together.

Give him the chance to pick a wallpaper with you and let him pick a date to wallpaper together. The earlier a date he chooses the sooner he has a nice bedroom again.

I can see both sides, however I can't help but feel if OP was posting about her husband leaving a job half done with no foreseeable finish date then we'd be seeing very different responses on the thread.

I'd hate it. Who wants to live with a half done job until you can both choose something new? I would have waited until the new decor was planned and then just got it done.

Comtroversial but I think your answers here are going to be skewed because most of the people posting will be the non decorating person and thus the ones who get get to sit and wait for a brand new decorated room. So the majority won’t look at it as saving them labour, just the inconvenience of having to look at a bare wall for a few weeks. If he doesn’t like it he is perfectly free to change it.

Doesnt he know that lots of people ,me included, choose to have plain walls. And somehow the world didnt come to an end at the lack of a feature bedroom wall.
I would be with him if it was all patchy wallpaper /paint/bare plaster as you sometimes see on reality programmes. It doesnt sound like this is the case at all.
Hes being ridiculous and petty just because you took the lead. Let him stew .

If he "hates living in a construction zone" this can be his incentive to help you choose a paper very soon so that you, the decorator, can get on with it and have the place looking lovely again.

If he had shifted his lazy arse to do this sooner, then he wouldn't be sleeping in a plain-walled room.

2 years talking about it? I just do it with no discussion usually. Just wake up one day and do it.

It's one wall. It won't take much time to bang up a couple of rolls. Pop out this afternoon together and have a look or have a look online and order some. Tell him if he's going to carry on sulking then you'll leave him out of the choosing altogether.

No patience with this kind of crap.