AIBU or is DH? DIY dispute!

[greentomatos]

Hi

AIBU or is DH?

We have been talking about redecorating our bedroom for some time (2 years), and in recent weeks we have been talking about it more and more. He hates decorating and I enjoy it, so it's usually me that does it. In the past 2 weeks he has commented a few times about how he really hates the current wallpaper and wants us to redecorate soon.

Today he went out and I was struck with the energy/motivation to strip the paper. Thinking I'd do that, we'd have a blank canvas and could decide together how to re-do it.

He is now seriously pissed off at me. In a huff. One word answers. Says he hates living in a construction zone - it's hardly that, it's just plain walls underneath. He is annoyed that I've taken the paper off before we have decided in full what to replace it with.

I'm annoyed as I've put this effort in to do something rather than just talk about it, spent the whole day working hard with the end aim of us having a nice bedroom soon, and he is being so negative.

AIBU or is he?

What was your reason for keeping it from him?

You spent a whole day scraping just one wall?

I think I'd be a bit annoyed if my DH did this before we'd chosen what to replace it with.

I would hate that as well (the stripped wall) OP. It's the lack of an agreed plan going forward, there is nothing to replace it and if you've been talking about this for two years then it doesn't sound as if the replacement paper will be arriving any time soon!

So what's the plan going forward?

He can paint it plain white while you both decide what you want longer term.

You can’t just paint a wall that’s had paper stripped off it. It looks just a shit as it being unpainted.

If he had shifted his lazy arse to do this sooner, then he wouldn't be sleeping in a plain-walled room

It was in the last two weeks he mentioned it. It’s not as if it’s been months and months. He’s had at most 3 days to sort it all out (presuming they work full time)

I’m entirely with him. You don’t just strip the walls then leave them and then go and get the stuff at some indeterminate point. You measure, you choose, you buy, you set it up, then you strip the paper. I would be incredibly annoyed if my OH did this.

YANBU but I would expect yo to finish the job and put some wallpaper on the wall asap.

I suspect your dh is annoyed because now he has no other solution that actually get involved and decide of a new wallpaper. Plus youve clearky told him (in a PA way) that youve had enugh of the talking but not doing this bit of decorating. I know DH wouod be pissed off because he woud take it as a criticism of him not getting on with it.

@MintyMabel, my understanding is that they have been talking about it on and off for 2 YEARS and a lot in recents WEEKS

it's not as if he had just a couple of days to do something about it (in which case, I would agree with you btw)

To be honest, I think the first step is choosing replacement paper, not stripping off the old one with no plan. Not worth sulking about but I agree with your DH.

If he had shifted his lazy arse to do this sooner

Why is it his job? The OP is the one who enjoys decorating.

Of course YABU!

I stripped the dining room wallpaper within a week of moving in, because I hated it, and then took about 2 months ot get round to painting it. (I also do all the decorating in our house)

At the same time I stripped the wallpaper from one utility room wall, becuase it clashed with thr kitchen, and I could see it and it annoyed me. The plain wall underneath was much better. It too me 2 years to reach the utility room as we did the house.

Dh sighs and rolls his eyes, but as he isn't prepared to do it himself, he shuts up!

If he had shifted his lazy arse to do this sooner

So both the OP and her DH have been discussing this for 2 years and yet it's just his arse that's lazy?

He’s being ridiculous. Just crack on at your own pace.

Well, I'd have planned the whole things first and done things in the right order.

But, he sounds like a massive procrastinator and possibly someone who enjoys grumbling about things more than he likes achieving results.

So it's possible he would never have allowed the work to start, by failing to agree on a new paper. In that case, maybe this was the kick up the bum he needed to force a decision.

I'd give him a short list of wallpapers to pick from and get it up ASAP

Is he a 'hobby grumbler' OP?

Or, are you a bit impulsive? Keener to jump into action than to listen, or think.

He's just pissed you actually did something about the issue rather than talk about it and he feels 'shown up'.

Anyone that carries on about hating the wallpaper & wanting it redecorated soon, but with no intention of doing it themselves has NO business complaining when the person who will be the one doing it, makes a start on it.

Clearly most people posting are the ones ‘helping’ - or as is better known ‘supervising’ but not actually doing jack shit

Construction zone. - it’s one stripped wall He needs a reality check

2 years of ‘discussing’ decorating the bloody bedroom is more than enough time.

Ignore the whining idiot.

Sorry OP but if you'd both decided what you wanted done and he's arrived home to you having done it I'd say he was being unreasonable but if you've talked for this long you probably don't have either the money or you dont have the plan in place and after living on a near building site for only a few weeks with stripped walls I can totally see his point. (Hope you get it sorted soon!!)

having lived with stripped bedroom walls for the last four months (Oh is so bloody slow) i am with your husband i hate the way my room looks hate sleeping in what feels like a building site, and hate my room being so bloody untidy, finally got the wallpaper last week and hopefully by christmas will have a nice room again,

Yeah, I can see both sides too.

‘Planned things first and done them in the right order’

🙄. She’s DONE them in the right order, she’s stripped the old paper before putting up new paper

She got on with the job instead of spending another day ‘planning’. It’s redecorating a bedroom, not a take over of another country! There’s not a lot of planning required FGS.

@isseywith4vampirecats. Are you disabled? If not, why is it all down to your OH

Stripped walls really aren’t grim or like living in a building site, they’re merely stripped walls. Best some of you never renovate or build a property 🙄

IncrediblySadToo I know, moaning about the inconvenience of sleeping in a bare room while their dp has to do all the work. Don’t like it, change it yourself. If the person doing if all for you, for free, isn’t going fast enough, do it yourself then.

She’s DONE them in the right order, she’s stripped the old paper before putting up new paper

No, because the first thing to do is decide what you are doing.

He'd have hated living in our house. We moved in, stripped the horrible paper in the front room and lived with bare walls for at least 6 months. Can't be doing with all this "plan and pick paper and paint at once" nothing wrong with a stripped wall behind the bed, he can't bloody see it once he's in it.

My friend is doing his bedroom up, has stripped the walls, sanded them, bought paint and paper but this is been ongoing for a couple of weeks. Not something you can do overnight.

I honestly believe that the replies would have been different if a woman was complaining about her DH launching in without deciding what to do first and without a clear plan to finish it.