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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is at fault here

29 replies

Froggy10 · 09/11/2019 15:45

Ds list his first tooth at school and DH said he had put it somewhere safe. I have been in hospital then DH was working late this week so we said we would wait to do the tooth fairy till tonight
We were tiding up this morning and I was going through some paperwork on the sideboard that DH could plainly see.

Just now he has turned to me and gone where is DS tooth. I said you said you out I somewhere
DH pointed at the sideboard that I had been sorting stuff out on and said it was in a tiny bit of paper. So I have obviously looked at this tiny bit of paper thought that’s what is was (a tiny bit of paper) and I have thrown it away
Now I have just got yelled at for losing it he said “fuck you” threw all the clothes off the sofa that I have folding up, hit the wall on the way past and stormed out

OP posts:
Ffsnosexallowed · 09/11/2019 15:46

It was an accidental. It's only a tooth.

Honeybee85 · 09/11/2019 15:47

I think the lost tooth is not the most important issue here but your DH’s reaction.
It’s bizarre and abusive IMO Shock

Is this the first time he behaved like this?

BertrandRussell · 09/11/2019 15:47

DoeSn’t matter who was in the right about the tooth. There is absolutely no excuse at all for your dh behaving like that. Does he do it often?

mynameisMrG · 09/11/2019 15:50

Wow over reaction much?! This is so not about a tooth.

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 09/11/2019 15:55

He sounds a right arsehole OP.

Throwing the washing and hitting the wall... what's next? Him throwing your kid and hitting you? I'd be getting out whilst i could.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 09/11/2019 15:59

Total overreaction. It's only a tooth. Is this usual behaviour for him because it's not right.

AdaColeman · 09/11/2019 16:02

If he gets that angry over a lost tooth, heaven help you all if anything serious happens in your lives.
When he has calmed down, talk together and find out what is going on. Only then can you decide what your next step should be.

dementedpixie · 09/11/2019 16:03

How bizarre. When a tooth has gone missing (dd swallowed at least one and lost another in a ball pit!) We just wrote a note for the tooth fairy explaining what had happened and money was still left behind

bluebeck · 09/11/2019 16:04

Is this the tip of the iceberg?

Original poster
Froggy10 · 09/11/2019 16:09

Yes it happens about every month or so. The anger, the name calling the hitting things or throwing and breaking things

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 09/11/2019 16:11

Ok, forget the tooth. Your husband is aggressive, abusive, and out of control. That is not ok and it is not acceptable for your children to be around it. What are you going to do? What do you want to do? It can't carry on like that.

habipprtyh · 09/11/2019 16:17

An accident. However, why were you making your child wait for their first tooth fairy visit? Why did he not just do it

DonKeyshot · 09/11/2019 16:38

Your h is an abusive cunt and his only saving grace is that he's given you ample grounds to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour.

Do you believe that he's a good example for your dc? Do you find yourself walking on eggshells so as to not to enrage him? Do you want to put up with his ridiculous tantrums for the rest of your married life?

TowelNumber42 · 09/11/2019 16:43

You are married to a dickhead. How does this normally resolve? Will he come back in a bit and refold the clothes, make you a cup of tea and apologise? What kind of apology works on you? How long before you are ready to be normal again?

I suspect you hide or beg him to be nice, he continues being a dick, you fix the things he messed up on (tooth, clothes, etc) and then you be extra nice to encourage him not to be vile? Is that right?

He's a bog standard bully boy.

middlemuddle · 09/11/2019 16:45

Yeah, as others said. The fault is not the issue, the behaviour is. Though it wasn't your fault- he just needed to communicate where he put the tooth.

Hahaha88 · 09/11/2019 16:45

In what world would you need to be in to not see this behaviour is unacceptable and that you need to leave? What are you doing, waiting for him to hit you? Or the kid's? Your kid/s deserve better parents

Geppili · 09/11/2019 20:04

Your knobhead H is at fault. Bin him.

Drum2018 · 09/11/2019 20:08

Your Dh is an abusive prick. Any chance of throwing him out along with the bloody tooth? Lots of kids teeth are swallowed or lost - tell your ass of a Dh that a note can be written to the tooth fairy and the world won't fucking end (however I'd hope you find it in yourself to end your marriage to him).

Geppili · 09/11/2019 20:11

The tooth fairy always comes if you write a note about a lost tooth anyway. Has he picked up the laundry yet? Dread to think what he will be like when your DS is a moody teen with his first brace on. He is violent and abusive. Read the Lundy Bancroft book. Do you think he would behave like this at work? Or with friends? You guys are meant to be his precious lov d ones. Thanks Hope you are ok after hospital.

Quartz2208 · 09/11/2019 20:13

the fact your have to ask speaks volumes as to how normal this must be

TokyoSushi · 09/11/2019 20:13

Jesus christ! I threw DS' tooth away by mistake, we laughed, DH snapped a go cat, cat biscuit in two, gave the 'tooth' to DS in an envelope all ready for the tooth fairy and everybody as happy.

Your DH's reaction is dreadful.

spice3 · 09/11/2019 21:09

Again - not about the tooth, doesn't matter who was right there.

Your DH is abusive. It'll only get worse and your child will become more exposed to it. Don't expect it to get better and get out.

Sn0tnose · 09/11/2019 21:44

This is abusive. There’s absolutely no dressing it up, or excusing it. It’s abuse. He’s hitting the wall instead of you. That won’t last forever. And I promise you, as much as you tell yourself that your kids don’t hear his behaviour because they were upstairs, or asleep, etc, I can tell you from personal experience that the children of violent men often become hyper sensitive to his raised voice, or bangs, or even the atmosphere.

Firstawake · 10/11/2019 07:33

What a baby.

CalmdownJanet · 10/11/2019 07:39

Tooth fairy should have been done on the night, why wait for both parents?

It was dh's fault entirely.

His reaction makes him a dickhead.

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