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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect friend to put nappy on 18 month old DD when visiting my house?

75 replies

walkedallover · 18/08/2007 12:02

Hi, have changed name in case said friend reads this. AIBU to expect that this friend, who has just started potty training her DD, put a pull up on or nappy to visit others houses. I did this with my children. Her DD weed twice on my floor as she has only just started training, didn't know where the toilet was well enough and her mum had no potty or anything.

Even after weeing once, she didn't have a nappy to put on although did have 3 spare outfits! I then had bare bums and wee everywhere.AIBU? Do I fall out over it (don't think she will put a nappy on and would rather tell others what to do than the other way round) I am fed up of feeling disrespected in my own house and generosity (long story but this is just one of several examples here) AIBU.

OP posts:
KerryMumbledore · 18/08/2007 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KerryMumbledore · 18/08/2007 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WanderingTrolley · 18/08/2007 12:08

Accidents happen, but at 18 months is young to potty train usually and she has been a bit thoughtless - did she ask you if it was ok to potty train in your house, or warn you?

She may assume that, as you have children, you won't mind a pissy floor. IME everyone minds a pissy floor.

Amazed her mum had no potty with her.

Trinityrhino · 18/08/2007 12:09

well I wasn't going to go to my friends house on day 3 of training with dd2 cause I didn't want to put her back in nappies but didn't want her to pee all over friends floor

I explained, she said no worries

so I went and she did pee once on the only small RUG there is instead of all the laminate which is easier cleaned

II think you are being unreasonable to expect her to put a bnappy on but your friend was a little insensitive not to have checked you wouldn't mind first.

harpsichordcarrier · 18/08/2007 12:09

18 months
YANBU

Original poster
walkedallover · 18/08/2007 12:12

Thanks, mine were bare bummed too at home but not at someone elses house, if i had I am sure would have had a potty right there. TBH I love kids and don't mind accidents but surely once was enough for one day and not just ah well let her wee everywhere rather than set her back with her training.

No she never asked me if it was OK. She does as she pleases in general. Thing is, at her house it is immaculate and I don't think she would like it if my kids peed on her carpets! I am laid back so maybe she thinks I don't mind pee everywhere and I don't if an accident as an older child but in thos beginning stages I think a pull up is polite at someones house. I did say have you a potty, she said no she only uses toilets. She said,'I don't want to do that' (ie take potty around)

OP posts:
Trinityrhino · 18/08/2007 12:13

having thought about the fact that the child was only 18 months
I now think she is being totally silly, no way that the child would cope in strange house with no potty, maybe doesn't evenb have the ability to control when it wees. YANBU she is ridiculous

Chirpygirl · 18/08/2007 12:14

YANBU, I think having them barebummed at home is fair enough, but I would at least use pull ups in someone else's home. I was mortified when DD peed on a friends carpet when she was 5 months old and I wasn't quick enough during a nappy change!

Did she even offer to clean it up?! I am shocked she didn't have a potty TBH.

McEdam · 18/08/2007 12:15

Of course YANBU, your friend is very rude and barking to boot. 18 months?!

allgonebellyup · 18/08/2007 12:18

get over it

Original poster
walkedallover · 18/08/2007 12:19

Yep she cleaned it up, I didn't even offer as felt walked on enough, I have cleaned up her DD in the past but felt she should do it and she went to do it anyway.

OP posts:
divastrop · 18/08/2007 12:19

i never took mine out anywhere without pull-ups on untill they'd mastered potty training at home.its one thing having them wandering around bare-bumed with a potty 3 feet away but i wasnt comfortable taking them out without a nappy untill i was sure they could hold it long enough to get to a toilet(especially girls who cant pee behind a bush!).

i must say she is very brave potty-training an 18 month old.my older 3 couldnt even say 'poo' and 'wee' at that age

Gbrad · 18/08/2007 12:23

In my opinion, potty training requires certain things.

The child needs to be "bareassed" to save time...when the need to go arises then theres no time to spare to be pulling underclothes down.

The potty needs to be in full view and no more than 10 paces away from where the child is situated...unless you have a downstairs loo and the child is fully aware of where the loo is and how to get there in a rush!!

Both of the above can only really be comfortably done in your own home...or at least thats what I think.

I have twin boys and when they were potty training and we visited anyone I always put them "pull-up" pants on. If we got to the loo in time then all well and good, if we didn't then there was no wee on anyone elses carpet.

YANBU to expect your (so-called?) friend to respect your home by doing her best to ensure her child does not wee all over everywhere.

One change of clothes "just in case" is acceptable..but THREE changes of clothes means she knows her child aint makin it to the loo any time soon and is just downright disrespectful to you and your home.

sauce · 18/08/2007 12:23

there are worse things as any mum knows but this sounds like it might be the straw that broke the camel's back as far as your friendship goes. Is she generally inconsiderate/selfish?

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 18/08/2007 12:26

now my dd never had pulls ups except night time, as i knew this would re-gress (sp?) her, butshe was 2.4yo and i always carried around a potty, even to town, jsut in case, as she couldnt hold very long. now shes 2.9yo she can hold for a decent length of time theres no need for the potty!!

YANBU, your friend is for a) thinking her dd will understand where the toilet is/how to ask at 18mo, b) for not taking a potty around because 'she doesnt want to do that' (she'd prefer the child wet herself ) and c) not even asking you if it was alright to bring her child who would potentially wee on your floor along!

Original poster
walkedallover · 18/08/2007 12:30

Thanks. Yes she is generally hard work and likes things her way. She thinks nothing of being very forward and is very different to me ie not sensitive at all. She will shout at my kids or tell them they have to eat all their dinner, she also criticises me abit. Last time it was as I made 'too much' for their dinner. (Not in a polite way) I felt like crap as had gone to alot of trouble. Nothing is ever right! It's getting too much hard work tbh.

OP posts:
IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 18/08/2007 12:31

Well the problem is that she may be against pull ups as many mums are, children have accidents but, tbh if mine were having accidents frequently I would keep checking him in case he were giving any signals or I would stay at home. You can not expect people to put up with your child peeing around their house just because they are learning.

sauce · 18/08/2007 12:37

If she's more trouble than she's worth, stop seeing her. Or you could "confront" her but who needs that stress, right?

birthdaycake · 18/08/2007 12:44

I can understand her not wanting to confuse the child by putting her in pull-ups but why didn't she just explain to you and invite you to her house instead. Much as I like children, I think it's very inconsiderate to visit someone else's house without a child in a nappy / pull-up when you know that they aren't potty trained and are likely to have an accident. TBH it sounds like she doesn't have much respect for you and you may be better off making other friends.

puffling · 18/08/2007 12:47

Life's too short to waste time being friends with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and unhappy. I would start to distance myself.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 18/08/2007 12:49

If she leaves you feeling like that, what's the point of seeing her? I think that's a friendship begging for a bit of space. Stop seeing her for a while.

belgo · 18/08/2007 12:50

difficult one. Nappies and pull ups are confusing to a child when potty training. Some children are ready at 18 months however much the nppy companies would like us to believe otherwise.

my dd2 was potty trained at 19 months. Very reliabliy so for 4 months, except visiting my parent's house for two weeks, where they have carpets and dd2 had diarrhea. Straight back into nappies for two weeks. It's taken another two weeks to potty train her again because the nappies confused her.

Original poster
walkedallover · 18/08/2007 12:50

Yes I feel I may need to do this. I feel she is taking advantage of me alot of the time. Things are so different at her house. I also am fed up of being put down by her, I can't do anything right.I have other friends and everyone has their issues (me included!) but nothing like this. If it was just the wee thing then I would prob have been Ok but like someone said it is the general being disrespected and feeling walked all over. I end up feeling like crap afterwards.

OP posts:
Gbrad · 18/08/2007 12:52

Just read thru this thread and discovered the child in question is only 18 months old.

18 MONTHS OLD?!!!!! Who the hell is she trying to kid? AND she "doesnt like to" carry a potty?...omg!!

Sounds like one of those "oh MY child was potty trained at 18months, speaking in full sentences at 19months and completing her English A level at 4 years old"...I exagerate(sp?)...but you get the picture..yes?

I didn't start potty training my twin sons till the day after their 3rd birthday...despite pressure from most quarters...including my MIL who suggested I should "hold them over some newspaper" at 16months of age!!

I read somewhere that if you start them too soon then you can put them back years. Apart from one or two little "slip-ups", my sons were dry quite soon after starting their potty training...so I am a big advocate of playing "the waiting game".

My step son was still weeing bed at 7 years old (was that because his mother wanted to brag that he was toilet trained at some ridiculously early age and so pushed him too hard?..Well yes, she did..

It took him till he was well over 3yrs old before he stopped weeing during the day but this did not stop her bragging that he was "out of nappies"...she failed to mention the amount of wee she had to constantly clean up or the extra clothes she had to wash..well, she wouldn't tell people about that would she...nothing to brag about eh?

Sounds to me like this friend of yours is one of "those" types of mothers...a kind I despise. Never mind what harm it might do to the child...so long as it looks good then thats all that counts eh?...NOT!!!

I'd tell her that until her dd is at least beginning to understand how to control her bladder that you'd appreciate it if she put her pull-ups on when visiting...either that or stay away.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but these kind of mothers get my goat!!

Elasticwoman · 18/08/2007 12:55

This reminds me of when I was potty training dd1, rather unsuccessfully, and she weed on a friend's floor twice in 10 minutes, to my great embarrassment. Dd1 was getting on for 3 at the time, and the friend had a child who had been dry since 18 mos. Friend said "they won't accept her at playgroup if she's not dry you know" which I found unhelpful.

What I would have found helpful was the suggestion that a nappy or pull up would be a good idea when out, and keep the potty training for at home. In my inexperience I thought it was all or nothing, and a gentle suggestion would have helped me a lot.