Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To expect friend to put nappy on 18 month old DD when visiting my house?

75 replies

walkedallover · 18/08/2007 12:02

Hi, have changed name in case said friend reads this. AIBU to expect that this friend, who has just started potty training her DD, put a pull up on or nappy to visit others houses. I did this with my children. Her DD weed twice on my floor as she has only just started training, didn't know where the toilet was well enough and her mum had no potty or anything.

Even after weeing once, she didn't have a nappy to put on although did have 3 spare outfits! I then had bare bums and wee everywhere.AIBU? Do I fall out over it (don't think she will put a nappy on and would rather tell others what to do than the other way round) I am fed up of feeling disrespected in my own house and generosity (long story but this is just one of several examples here) AIBU.

OP posts:

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 18/08/2007 14:47

Macondo is everywhere, I'm an imaginary entity speaking to herself during a 4 years long bout of heavy rain.

Gobbledigook · 18/08/2007 14:54

I think YABU. I wouldn't put nappies back in just because I was in someone's house tbh. Once the nappies come off, they stay off. It's the only way to train properly and quickly IME.

If someone came round to my house with a potty training toddler, I wouldn't expect them to put a nappy on to protect my carpets. I've got 3 kids of my own so I'm quite used to it and I quite understand the other mum's situation.

Gobbledigook · 18/08/2007 14:55

Although I'd say 18m is very young to potty train and if she is going through a long period of accidents she should give up for now!

Gobbledigook · 18/08/2007 14:58

OK, read whole thread now and it does seem unreasonable. She didn't have a potty with her, she didn't check with you first and it doesn't sound her dd is ready either.

Gbrad · 18/08/2007 15:03

Does anyone else remember potty training days as almost constantly chanting the mantra "Do you need the toilet yet?"..?

Think I must have said it in my sleep too!! lol

FlameBatfink · 18/08/2007 15:09

Wouldn't bother me, but then I have my own children pissing on my floor already

mummytoamonkey · 18/08/2007 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laura032004 · 18/08/2007 20:07

I wouldn't mind somebody bringing their child to my house without a nappy whilst potty-training, and I wouldn't be particularly fussed if they weed on my carpets. However, if they're only in the first few days of potty training, I think it would be polite to ask if you mind them coming round nappyless.

PippiLangstrump · 18/08/2007 20:34

Someone might mind some might not. I think it is very unreasonable not to ask and very disrespectuful. It is your house! I take you you do not have carpet. I'd be furious if a friend came without asking, however I would not mind if they'd checked with me!

I've got a friend that does very similar things and has become more effort than pleasure, so I have taken a break. I suggest you do that and see how you feel.

PippiLangstrump · 18/08/2007 20:37

laura how can you not mind if you have carpet though? at least on a wooden floor you can clean and get rid of it, but on the carpet it stays there... I could stand walking on my kids wee but not anybody else.

Original poster

walkedallover · 18/08/2007 20:38

Thanks very much for all replies. Pippi, yes that's it, it has become more effort than pleasure. I think I will be taking a break for a while.

OP posts:

Original poster

walkedallover · 18/08/2007 20:38

Oh and forgot to say yes we have carpets mostly.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 18/08/2007 20:39

It wouldn't have worried me that the child was bare-bummed or that she had accidents on my floor, but I would prefer to be asked if it was OK in the circumstances you describe.

Putting a nappy on a child who is being potty trained is too confusing for them and I wouldn't have done it with dd - although I would have carried a potty with me (and I wouldn't have tried to potty-train her at 18 months!).

Can you ask her to bring a potty next time? Or could you get a cheap one that you can keep for when she visits again?

It does sound, though, as if you have other issues with this woman apart from her letting her child pee on your floor - maybe you need to reconsider your friendship?

PippiLangstrump · 18/08/2007 20:40

does she?

Laura032004 · 18/08/2007 20:44

PippiLangstrump - I'd wash it with warm water with some carpet cleaner in it, probably spray some anti-bacterial spray on it, and never think about it again. Am I more laid back than most people? I hope not, because I wouldn't worry too much if my DS's weed on a friend's carpet. I'd just offer to clean it up. In fact, DS2 weed on a friends floor just last night (although it was in the bathroom on lino, so easily cleaned up ) I hope I haven't offended all my friends! You've got me worrying now.

Original poster

walkedallover · 18/08/2007 20:44

Thanks WWB, yes I do have other issues with her really. I am very tolerant and perhaps too much so sometimes. I did drop a hint if she had the potty and if she could have brought it if she liked and she said no she only uses toilets. She said,'I don't want to do that' (ie take potty around) She does use a potty at her house all the time though.

OP posts:

Mistymoo · 18/08/2007 20:45

Can I just ask why is everyone getting at this lady for training her dd at 18 mths? Mine were trained between 19 and 20 mths. They did not pee on other peoples carpets though, I stayed at home whilst training them.

Original poster

walkedallover · 18/08/2007 20:49

Laura,I wouldn't worry. I just feel disrespected and walked on in the friendship overall, which i think is influencing my feelings. If it were just this then I would not mind AS much. The thing is if it were my kids doing it at her house it would be so different. The hoover is out before we have finished dinner.

I wouldn't mind an accident as much in a potty trained child or who had missed their potty-has happened lots of times with other friends kids, but for her not to bring one, yet bring 3 clothes changes, it was OK to keep peeing on my carpet rather than bring a potty/pull up. She is right in the beginning stage of potty training too.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 18/08/2007 20:57

Must say, your friend was a bit ill prepared I owuld think...I mean, surely if you p[otty train you either make sure that there is a potty in the hosue the child could use or you bring your own and I would also think iit's better to wait with outings until they have grasp the concept of using a potty...
but no, I can understand why your friend didn't want to use a pull up...they are not a great tool when pt, imo....
maybe, at 18 m the child in question is also a bit young....but then my Kids were all quite late with it, but I know fo plenty Kids that train early...so maybe just my own perspective...

WigWamBam · 18/08/2007 20:58

Hints are no good at all with people like that. You need to make it clear to them what you are asking for rather than hoping they will pick up on your hints.

I think you need to insist that the child uses a potty when she is at your house. Whether you make it a condition of her visiting, or whether you are prepared to buy a potty to keep for her use, you have the right to insist that a potty is kept nearby and that the child is prompted to use it frequently.

She may wise up pretty soon anyway, and realise that her daughter is not ready.

Although it sounds as if you would be happier not having her in your house at all!

PippiLangstrump · 18/08/2007 21:38

oh laura I hope I did not offend you. I was just wondering as I am a bit of a lazy cow and it'd pain me to do this palaver all the time, henc the wooden floor. I remember wanting to kill the cat (and myself) when he used to puke on the carpet and I had to do all this! (I know it is no comparison, the pain of cleaning it is though!)

NAB3 · 18/08/2007 21:40

I think you should be suportive of your friend in her quest to potty train. However she should have brought a potty or found the toilet as soon as she arrived (though presumably if she is your friend she's been to your house before and knows where it is). Sounds like she hasn't thought this through and prepared for it.

morningpaper · 18/08/2007 21:41

have not read thread but

you sound like you are just pissed off with her

stop having her round! meet at the park or meet other friends or just chill out at home

pointydog · 18/08/2007 21:54

I would say 'I'd rather your child didn't wee on my floor. Is that all right?'

I would

bookwormtailmum · 18/08/2007 21:54

My dd wouldn't sit on the potty so it was toilets all the way with us. She was in daytime nappies - pullups - even when she went to creche one session a week at 2.5. As they were pullups they said that they'd treat them as knickers but if she needed changing, I'd have to come and do it. Fair enough. 18 months to toilet train? I would never have coped - esp as it would have been the coldest time of year!

Flip

1 2 3