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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would tell a parent

71 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:00

If you knew someone who was a recreational drug user and around their young child? The young girl (22) who does the drug taking does not have sole charge of the child but child adores them and it's possible they could be alone with them at some time.
My friend said I would be starting a witch hunt and could be done for slander.

The parent I might be alerting is not aware of this girl as she is separated from her ex and so doesn't know who her kid is really spending time with

OP posts:
onthecoins · 23/10/2019 14:02

Are you talking about cannabis or crack? There's an enormous difference.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 23/10/2019 14:03

I think there are very very many recreational drug users around children all the time. Including parents who indulge at the weekends, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours, grandparents etc.

Unless the 22 year old is in charge of the child whilst recreationally using, then I wouldn't say anything.

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:06

Can't be sure of the exact drug but she is definitely a user of them. I just worry as I wouldn't forgive myself if her kid got hold of something and took it thinking it was a sweet or something. The child is 6.

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 23/10/2019 14:09

I've read your post a few times and I'm confused as to who you're supposed to be telling? Th 22yo's parents? Who isn't aware of the 22yo?

If you don't know which drugs she's even taking how on Earth do you know she's drug user

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:14

I meant the parent of the young child.
I don't know the exact drugs she takes but she is quite brazen over her use of them.

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 23/10/2019 14:14

Can't be sure of the exact drug but she is definitely a user of them.

So it could be cannabis or it could be crack but you don’t know, yet are certain she is taking one despite the give away signs being vastly different.

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:18

As I said she is quite brazen and boastful about her usage of drugs regardless of what they are.
General answers seem to be not to say anything so I won't although I am still concerned.

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 23/10/2019 14:21

Aaaah I see, sorry I thought you meant the 22yo was the parent. But you mean that a 22yo who takes drugs is sometimes around a child and you want to inform the child's mother?

If you're not even sure if the alleged drug user is around the child alone, or what kind of drugs she's on, quite honestly OP it's not a safeguarding issue and telling the mum smacks a little of shit stirring

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:23

Yes, that's what I want to do.
I am definitely not trying to shit stir, just worried something bad could happen as it's possible the child could be left alone with her.

OP posts:
BeatriceTheBeast · 23/10/2019 14:26

It depends what the drugs are and how the 22yo knows the child. Is she the child's new stepmum / sister or someone the child sees occasionally?

Heroine and stepmum obviously is worse than someone who works at the local soft play who sometimes smokes cannabis.

Apolloanddaphne · 23/10/2019 14:26

Is that not similar to someone saying to my friend who has small children that sometimes I like to drink so I shouldn't be around her children? Seems bonkers to me as I would never drink when around her children and if they were in my house I would be alert to the fact they might open the cupboard where I keep my gin stash.

I would keep your beak out OP.

holidays987 · 23/10/2019 14:28

I wouldn't say anything. You don't know enough about what she's supposedly recreationally taking. If she's not in sole charge of the child and even if she was you'd want to know what exactly you're aware that she's taking before making any accusations. Doesn't sound like she's an addict or would be a risk to the child from what you've said. I'd keep out of it.

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:30

As I said, I am just concerned but I won't say anything.
Alcohol is of course a concern but drugs could be fatal if in the hands of a young child.

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 23/10/2019 14:38

Have you with your own eyes seen this person take drugs? Unless you have all you’ve got is gossip And yes of course you’d be known as someone looking to cause drama.

GunpowderGelatine · 23/10/2019 14:41

I do t think you're stirring but that's how it could be perceived.

I imagine people my DC are exposed to - extended family, family friends etc - are on drugs and I don't know. Or especially care when they're never alone with them.

Like a PP said if it's a heroin addicted stepmom that's one thing, a weed smoking cousin is another

JasonPollack · 23/10/2019 14:42

Alcohol could be fatal in the hands of a young child.

You seem very judgemental.

Josette77 · 23/10/2019 14:44

Huge huge difference between pot and meth. Since this person is bragging I'm guessing pot? How can you not know the drug if they are boasting about it?

Crunchymum · 23/10/2019 14:44

How do you have this info?.

BilboBercow · 23/10/2019 14:47

It doesn't sound like you know a great deal if you don't know what drugs she's using. If it's recreational use she's also not likely to be using them around the child so what's it got to do with the child's parents?

HiJenny35 · 23/10/2019 15:23

What makes you think the mum doesn't take? It's her friend I would guess she's also into it? I'd say half of the mums at school use recreational drugs at the weekend. It's a lot more common than you think sadly

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 23/10/2019 15:58

So because she uses some (unknown) drugs she is a danger to children or the children's parent needs to know? How judgemental do you want to be?

Take your child into any childcare environment and there's a decent chance one or more of the carers are recreational drug users, take them to hospital and one of the nurses likely is.

Drug use does not make someone a bad person and it does not mean they are incapable of looking after children. Now go back to your (oh so legal) Pinot Grigio and judge someone else.

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 17:04

😕
I am concerned for the child as I have said. My thinking is he could pick up a drug or be looked after her when she is under the influence.
As I said, I am not going to say anything but do still worry. If that's a crime then I am guilty of it.
I really don't think it's the norm either for parents over the country to be taking a hit while looking after their kids. Either that or I am very sheltered.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 23/10/2019 18:42

If this person was having a glass of wine with dinner would you feel the same way?

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 18:43

Are we seriously comparing that with illegal drug use? Come on now.

OP posts:
MadgeMak · 23/10/2019 18:46

If this person is brazen about her drug use then how come the parents of the child aren't already aware?