Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would tell a parent

71 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 14:00

If you knew someone who was a recreational drug user and around their young child? The young girl (22) who does the drug taking does not have sole charge of the child but child adores them and it's possible they could be alone with them at some time.
My friend said I would be starting a witch hunt and could be done for slander.

The parent I might be alerting is not aware of this girl as she is separated from her ex and so doesn't know who her kid is really spending time with

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 23/10/2019 18:51

By recreational user I assume you meant she takes drugs while socialising? And not everyday? And probably wouldn't whilst she is caring for the child?

You're very sheltered. There are lots of recreational drug users. Even teachers who are in charge of 30 kids a day!

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 18:55

The mum does not know the girl. She lives in a completely different city.
I must be very sheltered then as I know drug use goes on in clubs and a lot have the odd joint here and there but I cant imagine there are a gaggle of mums all shooting up as soon as their kids are asleep. I am the daughter of a policeman as well so hardly like I have not heard about these kinds of things.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 23/10/2019 19:15

So the mum does not know the girl? Is she someone to do with the childs dad?

As I asked before, how did you come by this information?

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 19:24

Yes its someone the dad associates with and I am also part of that circle but not friends with her.

OP posts:
LaBelleSauvage · 23/10/2019 19:35

Calling bullshit on this thread. How on earth can OP know someone is 'on drugs' but not know which drugs.

As if this woman is referring to whichever drug she takes as 'drugs'. How did the conversation go: -

"Just popping out to get me some drugs, chaps! Tip top! Jolly good!"
?

Drogosnextwife · 23/10/2019 19:42

Ffs are we really comparing having a glass of wine with dinner to having a few lines with dinner on here now 😂.
If I was this child mother I would want to know.
We have loads of drug users in the family, my children are never left alone in the care of those people.

Spanglebangle · 23/10/2019 19:49

How do you know she takes drugs? You don't even know what she is supposed to be taking so you can never have seen her taking drugs or you would know. So I guess you must be listening to rumours or reading too much social media?

CAG12 · 23/10/2019 19:56

If youre going to create a shitstorm you're gonna need hard proof.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 23/10/2019 20:07

What the hell has it got to do with you?! Genuinely? What is your relationship to the child and to the 22yo? I can't see why you're so involved, what's driving you. Your interest is odd in the absence of further details tbh.

Passthecherrycoke · 23/10/2019 20:10

Ok honestly op, what kind of idiot thinks a 22 year old babysitter is going to sue them for slander for telling a parent on them? Seriously?!!

Lllot5 · 23/10/2019 20:12

You need to make sure if your facts before you tell this child’s parent op.
If you are then yes I would tell.

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 23/10/2019 20:15

Is it really necessary to know the exact drug brands she takes and to list them all? No. She takes drugs and spends a lot of time with this child who is like family to me and has been in my life since he was a baby. As I have said, I will not say anything but that doesn't stop the concern.

As for calling me an idiot, I think that reflects more on you than me. I didn't actually say that either if you read the thread.

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 23/10/2019 20:15

Do you have anything to suggest that she’s actually taking or storing the drugs around the 6yo? Is she actually living in his home or Is she just a friend of his Dad’s?

If you have a genuine reason to believe that she’s taking drugs around the child then yes, of course that needs to be reported, but if you’ve just heard a rumour that she takes recreational drugs when out at clubs or parties at the weekend and have immediately jumped to assuming she’s reckless enough to take them in front of the child or leave drugs lying around with no evidence of that then It sounds like you’re being unreasonable.

Passthecherrycoke · 23/10/2019 20:18

“As for calling me an idiot, I think that reflects more on you than me. I didn't actually say that either if you read the thread.”

I wasn’t calling you An idiot. I was calling your friend an idiot, who as you point out, suggested it.

However, you believed it

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/10/2019 20:52

Of course it’s necessary , weed is not crack or meth. You sound like you are stirring tbh.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:01

Not sure how “brazen” she can be if she hasn’t mentioned or implied what drugs she’s taken. What has she actually said?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:02

LaBelleSauvage

😂

“I take drugs, me! Lots of drugs.”

notangelinajolie · 23/10/2019 21:08

If I were the child's parent I would want to know. I would not want my child to be in the company of a drug addict if there was the possibility that the child could be left alone with them. It does depend however on the relationship - if the drug user is family then I wouldn't get involved.

TricklBOO · 23/10/2019 21:17

Nobody said the woman was an addict.

Zippy1510 · 23/10/2019 21:30

Definitely depends on the context. If this is someone regularly looking after the child who is posting pictures on social media with a needle hanging out their arm then I would probably mention it. If they’ve made a comment about getting stoned on a Saturday evening then I probably wouldn’t. So yes the “brand” of drugs does matter. If they are posting “I really enjoy a good batch of drugs” then I think I’d assume they are not on drugs and showboating for the sake of anyone reading their posts.

lookingforahappyplace · 23/10/2019 21:36

Why don't you have a word with the Dad? Can you say that his girlfriend is being so open about her drug usage that you are worried about it getting back to the child's mother. Is everything ok ? You could approach it as I'm sure it's all hype as I know you wouldn't take any risks with the care of xxx, but your girlfriend is bragging on social media / down the pub that she's getting high every night/ weekend blah blah blah.

VenusTiger · 23/10/2019 21:43

@IceAndASlice123 I’m going to answer your question without all the ‘drugs are okay’ bollocks.

Yes, I think you should ‘alert’ (exactly that, in a don’t shoot the messenger kind of way) the mother. She has a right to know who her six year old child is spending time with.

Some people will just argue black is white for the sake of it on MN sometimes.

ShadowOnTheSun · 23/10/2019 21:45

Does 'brand' of drugs matter? Well of course it does! I did some lines here and there, had a few mollies and smoked a few joints back in a day when clubbing, in my 20s.

That was long time ago. I'm not an addict, hadn't had any 'brand' of drugs for years. I have a child, a job, pay my taxes.

That's a bit different from smoking crack or shooting heroin. If this girl is smoking some pot on weekends or having mdma when clubbing - there's nothing unusual about that and I highly doubt she does that around the child. Someone doing that on weekends and being around my child during weekdays wouldn't bother me at all.

BanginChoons · 23/10/2019 21:53

Yes I'd want to know if my kids were with their dad on a weekend and his girlfriend was in the bedroom shooting up.

If she was doing a couple lines out on a Friday night then it doesn't affect my kids so none of my business.

If she smokes weed but not around my kids then fine. If smokes weed then drives my kids to McDonald not fine at all.

I think the mum needs to know so she can make her own mind up.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 23/10/2019 22:07

I'm calling this a troll.

You 'know' she does drugs but have no idea if it's the odd puff on a joint of a Sunday evening or a raging crack addiction.

You claim to be a policemans daughter who knows a lot about this stuff, yet Is it really necessary to know the exact drug brands she takes and to list them all?

Eh?

Do try harder, dear.