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Original poster

To ask for your Green Flag experiences in a relationship?

74 replies

AGermFreeAdolescent · 13/10/2019 20:34

The big or little things that are the total opposite to Red Flags that made you think that this person was something special.

Mine: My ex boyfriend and I were on a first date. Amongst other things we talked about books and shared favourite books and authors that we liked. On our second date he gave me a book and told me to open it and it had a personalised note to me in it, signed by the author! (Distinctive handwriting so I know it was legitimate). It was really kind and even though I know it wasn't difficult for him personally to get it, it was just the fact that he did. I knew right there and then that I really liked him and we were together for years. Unfortunately, it didn't work out in the long run, but we're still friends! Even more unfortunately, I haven't met anybody nowhere near as kind as he was since. I still have the book :)

OP posts:
GrimalkinsCrone · 13/10/2019 20:44

When I said I was going to a Chinese film showing with Paul, and a meal afterwards and I’d be back late. And he said ‘Have fun’
No ownership or jealousy.

Stompythedinosaur · 13/10/2019 20:46

When do first came back to my place we was kind and respectful to my many pets, including a rather old and bad tempered cat who bit him.

nolassie · 13/10/2019 20:46

I watched work colleague split up from long term girlfriend; he treated her with such compassion and respect, completely different to what I’d witnessed before. Sounds weird but we married a couple of years later, that was 23 years ago Smile

CormacMcLaggen · 13/10/2019 20:46

He helped washed my feet in the shower when I couldn't, after having an operation, just 6 months into dating him.

He absolutely hates feet.

I married him :)

CormacMcLaggen · 13/10/2019 20:47

*wash

eyestightshut · 13/10/2019 20:48

Although we have been married for 15 years DH did something last night which really affirmed for me what a lovely guy he is.
We were out for dinner in our local little bistro, when he clocked two old ladies getting up from their table, walking sticks in their hands. without any fuss he got up from his meal to hold the door open for them. A little thing but just a nice reminder of what a gentleman he is.

JorisBonson · 13/10/2019 20:49

He says "we'll figure it out" when a problem arises. And we do. Together and without judgement.

He's top.

onemorecakeplease · 13/10/2019 20:53

He put me first and made every effort to be with me when he could.

He told me he loved me and didn't mind when I didn't say it back

LonginesPrime · 13/10/2019 20:54

Oh.

I came on to give my experiences and let you know why I've switched back to the AA. Blush

As you were..

KayakingOnDown · 13/10/2019 20:55

He spoke with respect of his ex girlfriends and his mum.

He was respectful and polite to waiting staff.

Elphame · 13/10/2019 20:56

Met at a party and clicked but he told me that he wouldn't be able to call me for a few days as he was committed every evening that week. I was fine about it.

I had a call the following night and he abandoned his evening class the night after to take me out to dinner instead.

Been married 35 years now

SomewhereInbetween1 · 13/10/2019 21:08

DH scratches my back/ legs/ feet for hours every evening. It's a pretty mindless task for him now apparently and it's something he reaches for naturally when we're watching TV 😊

emmaluvseeyore · 13/10/2019 21:16

After a year of our relationship, he was completely fine with me going to the US for a year on an exchange programme. He would sit on Skype for hours on end just existing with me. We wouldn’t even talk much, just spend time with each other. He didn’t worry if we couldn’t talk to each other as he knew I’d be off doing something exciting.
More recently, he’s been incredibly accepting of issues I’ve been having regarding being intimate. I’m now having therapy for it, but he’s been fine with not being intimate for around 6 years! He just wants me to be happy and pain free, even if that means no intimacy.

Windydaysuponus · 13/10/2019 21:20

When my car was beyond repair he signed me up for car finance after 4 months of dating!!
I made the payments but still a grand gesture imo.

GoFiguire · 13/10/2019 21:21

Green Flag are OK, much better than M&S insurance. Green Flag get the repairs done quicker.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 13/10/2019 21:24

I came on to give my experiences and let you know why I've switched back to the AA.

Oops. Me too.

As for my partner. The first green flag moment was when we first met after chatting online and I was really nervous and he gave me a huge hug which immediately made me feel better. Then, over coffee, took my hand and strokes my skin very gently.

Have been smitten ever since 🥰

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/10/2019 21:25

@LonginesPrime I thought it was going to be a question along the lines of my DP is a vehicle recovery man should I be worried if he has to rescue a pretty female driver Grin

aLilNonnyMouse · 13/10/2019 21:25

Within the first couple of weeks, we were watching a film together and during the sad bit I was in floods of tears. Turned to look at him and he was crying too.

Having someone who was able to show emotion and be vulnerable in front of me meant a lot as every man before him constantly did the "macho thing" and bottled emotions always came out as anger.

We've always been able to talk about anything and it's made life so much easier.

pollyhampton · 13/10/2019 21:26

He was very respectful of his ex and made sure we were introduced.
That was 20 years ago and he is currently in bed eating crisps and I want to kill him but I do love him! Xx

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 13/10/2019 21:27

I was having a really bad pain day so he made me a bed on the sofa and tucked me in. I awoke to find him setting down next to me a mug of coffee and a plate of freshly homemade scones, still warm from the oven and dripping in butter.

Dutch1e · 13/10/2019 21:29

We met on holiday and he chatted with one of his parents for 5 minutes every day (I didn't realise that was a green flag until I met his parents, they're lovely).

He could be mangled drunk and just became giggly and more witty rather than messy or mean.

He kept a pocket full of change for buskers or beggars.

Whatever anyone does is fine with him. As long as they're not unkind he embraces people's differences.

I smoke, he never has, and he always stopped after a long train ride to ask if I needed a few minutes for a cigarette. Still does after 10 years.

He always, ALWAYS, looks for a reason to laugh before a reason to snarl.

Singlebutmarried · 13/10/2019 21:30

I had an ostomy, and was having trouble getting to grips with it, so was helped by my then partner.

I shat on his foot. I kept him.

bretonleopard · 13/10/2019 21:31

I accidentally melted a plastic chopping board in his oven when I offered to make him a roast dinner - the plastic melted between the shelves and pooled at the bottom.

I thought he would be angry but he wasn’t at all! I was brought up by a very ‘angry’ dad and had a succession on unpleasant relationships.

I married him a couple of years later.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 13/10/2019 21:32

As a 28 year old between jobs and hardly any money, my dh to be went out of his way to go shopping for a particular Barbie doll that his 4 year old Goddaughter wanted, got the wrapping paper and card and jiffy bag and made sure it was all posted well in advance of her birthday. She was (and indeed still is) the dd of friends, not family, so he didn't get any prompting to do this. I just thought it showed a certain thoughtfulness about him.

Parttimewasteoftime · 13/10/2019 21:32

He walked my DG dog a little yappy thing he's a cat person. My DG was a card but he loved her visited her she was difficult lady but I really loved her. She died and I miss her everyday but I married him and he has since done loads more green flags even though he's a grump.