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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect at least an apology.

58 replies

Rungoutoflife · 25/08/2019 22:53

NC but regularly post.

Last night we were all watching a film (dh, me, four kids 5,8,12,14)
All summer I've been really pushing healthy eating and cutting down crap as DD 12 has really put some weight on this year (obv haven't said anything to her)
Dh gave them all a biscuit (after dinner and pudding) fine, but then said I'd like to give you another biscuit but your mum won't allow it. I got a bit cross as fed up with being seen as the bad one, he reacted by punching the telly and storming off. Telly is now broken and we only have one. Aibu to expect an apology? Dh says I'm overreacting over a telly which he will replace. Fwiw I'm now home alone with the kids for three days with no telly. I'm not even cross about the telly but how he can't see the problem.

OP posts:
cheesydoesit · 25/08/2019 22:56

Jesus Christ, I'd want more than an apology. You don't even seem phased by it! That's not normal behaviour on his behalf at all.

HennyPennyHorror · 25/08/2019 22:57

Seeing their Dad punching tellies will be very damaging to them, this is TOTALLY not on.

Treesinaforest · 25/08/2019 22:57

An apology wouldn't be enough for me actually. Did the kids see this? Appalling behaviour

LaBelleSauvage · 25/08/2019 22:58

He sounds unstable and abusive getting violent over a biscuit.

Does he lash out and smash things often? It's often a precursor to physical abuse.

Sorry to hear about this OP :(

Intheupsidedown · 25/08/2019 23:00

So not only did he make you look like the bad guy in the biscuit scenario he then was violent and punched the tv.... he wouldn't be allowed back In my house

Csleeptime · 25/08/2019 23:01

Wow sorry OP, you should be a lot more angry about this. I don't say this on here but I would have left someone like that as wouldn't want my kids growing up thinking it is acceptable behaviour....the tv or the undermining. Both disgraceful.

thecatinthetwat · 25/08/2019 23:05

He punched the tv. That’s awful. Presumably in front of the kids.

An apology would be the absolute least I would expect. He needs to see someone about his anger issues, surely?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 25/08/2019 23:13

He punched the ?TV? Bloody hell. Did the dc see? Does he often lose his temper like that? What a giant sulky baby.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 25/08/2019 23:16

Yeah sorry I am pretty feeble when it comes to my OH and what he’s allowed to get away with, but if he’d done that in front of our children he would be out I’m afraid, that’s disgusting behaviour they must’ve been terrified!

CheeseyOnionPie · 25/08/2019 23:23

Something is wrong with him if he can’t control his temper when all you’ve done is had a minor tiff.

Wellmet · 25/08/2019 23:26

Something is very wrong, the way you are focusing on the lack of apology rather than the fact that your children are growing up to see violence and aggression as normal. Your judgement is off.

Ponoka7 · 25/08/2019 23:27

So how did you react before the punching incident?

Your children are living in an abusive, violent household. Are you ok with that?

Cherrysoup · 25/08/2019 23:29

He’s bang out of order. No way should he be making you the bad guy. Surely he also worries about your dd? Punched the tv? What kind of twat does that?

Wildorchidz · 25/08/2019 23:30

I’m shocked that you seem to be so blasé about his violent outburst
Is this a common occurrence in your family life?

Bunnylady53 · 25/08/2019 23:30

I had to reread the OP as at first I thought one of the kids had punched the tv! This is crazy! The undermining bit made me feel a bit sick as DH used to do that a fair bit & it was awful. But punching the tv over a biscuit! Has he got form for behaviour like this OP?

negomi90 · 25/08/2019 23:31

Thats abuse and its a bit scary how little you're unreacting.
The comment from his, was not called for or appropriate at all. The violence to the telly is emotional abuse and threatening behaviour. If he can do that to the telly he can do it to you and to the kids. The kids are old to enough to have worked that out without help.
The broken telly/lack of telly/tightened budget due tor replacing or fixing telly is also there as a lasting reminder to everybody - make him angry this is what happens, don't be next on his list.
He needs to go. Nothing excuses this.
An apology is not enough, if it is complete one off and he's genuinely apologetic and going straight to counselling maybe stay (but probably not). It doesn't sound like it is.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 26/08/2019 00:07

I voted YABU because I think you're under-reacting to this.

There are two things here you should be concerned about (but I think you know it)

  1. He is completely undermining you when youre trying to navigate a sensitive subject with your daughter- what does he think he's going to get? 'Cool dad' points? It's an incredibly passive aggressive way to have a dig at you, and the inference is that he would do it at his daughter's expense. Wanker.

  2. It is not ok to smash up property just because you can replace it. He shouldnt have been smashing it to begin with. My ex used to do this- threw the remote and smashed the tv and excused it by saying well I was actually aiming for you- it doesnt matter that it can be replaced, the attitude that replacing it fixes the problem stinks.

Both things smack of complete disregard for primarily you, but also your family. Being physical in front of the family as some sort of demonstration of his anger 'I can do this and I will do this, I am the boss and all I need to is replace it' is appalling.

SO yes, I think YABU because in this scenario an apology doesnt come close to 'at least' cutting it. Flowers

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/08/2019 00:11

I wouldn’t have anyone in my home who punched anything in my home. Change the locks, set a bag for him on the doorstep. Tell him to find other accommodation.

Walnutwhipster · 26/08/2019 00:11

Fucking hell I'd want more than an apology! I'd want him gone.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/08/2019 00:12

This reply has been deleted

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HeffaLump1 · 26/08/2019 00:22

Joxer if someone NCs I think it's probably safe to assume they don't want people to link them to other threads

Aprillygirl · 26/08/2019 00:25

Your husband is a complete and utter dick OP. Bad enough that he undermined you, but to then have punched the telly with enough force to break it must have been terrifying for the kids. Or perhaps they're used to seeing such behaviour are they? Anyway fuck an apology, while he's away I'd be either be making my escape or changing the locks or it could be you he's punching next.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 26/08/2019 00:32

OP I just wanted to say that whilst I dont know your situation and am probably over-sensitive from my own, destroying your property is in that lacuna between mental and physical abuse. Its a real exertion of control and you end up thinking 'well at least he didnt hit the kids/me/the dog' and its a very manipulative move because most people looking in would give them the benefit of the doubt that it was just in a fit of temper etc. and it has the same effect on 'modifying' your behaviour as if he had hurt you- sometimes more so in fact because its easier to excuse breaking an inanimate object that a person.

Its a real red flag... and I hope you're ok, just please try not to brush this under the carpet. Flowers

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/08/2019 00:34

If it’s the same guy it’s very relevant as it means he’s escalating quite rapidly and OP needs to get out ASAP.

TriciaH87 · 26/08/2019 00:37

My son punched his TV over a computer game. It happened more than once. He now has no computer games and anger management. I suggest a serious chat as that is very unhealthy and scary for the children to witness.

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