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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not just my fault?

36 replies

LittleAndOften · 07/06/2019 14:23

I'm on holiday with DH and DS, in the UK. DH couldnt find his wallet. Today we've been to 3 places - a cafe for breakfast, soft play and a cafe next door for lunch.

DH couldn't find his wallet after lunch and told me I'd lost it at the soft play as I was looking after the bags. I have no memory of seeing it, but I'm pregnant so don't always trust my memory right now.

DH went on about how his wallet had been on the table at the soft play, he was adamant. I rang the cafe where we had breakfast and turns out they have it. He now says it was my fault because he asked me if we had everything before we left. I was gathering bags, putting on DS's coat etc.

AIBU to think it's a collective responsibility? DH is adamant it's all my fault

OP posts:
Angrybird123 · 07/06/2019 14:24

Er no, it's HIS wallet. Don't you dare let him blame you.

araiwa · 07/06/2019 14:26

Does it matter?

Lllot5 · 07/06/2019 14:26

His wallet his fault.

Doittoday · 07/06/2019 14:28

I think you are being very generous to describe it as a collective responsibility! Adults look after their own purses and wallets and it was pretty stupid of him to leave it out on a cafe table. Unless he is 6 years old or something YANBU.

Jeezoh · 07/06/2019 14:30

It’s not your fault at all, his wallet, his responsibility!

dementedpixie · 07/06/2019 14:39

I wouldn't leave a wallet on the table so he's U for doing that. It's his belonging so he should make sure he has it before he goes anywhere

TurboTeddy · 07/06/2019 14:40

I'm afraid I laughed when you said it was a collective responsibility. Can I blame you if I lose something? Your DH is being VVVU. His wallet, his responsibility.

CassianAndor · 07/06/2019 14:44

let it go. When people panic they say stupid things. He's got it back.

This is where I think MN is a bad thing - people post stuff like this and before you know it what would have just blown over and the DH apologised later because this huge issue.

Unless he's got form for this just leave it.

spanishwife · 07/06/2019 14:45

I don't think it's worth arguing over or making a thread over. Take a deep breath and move on and enjoy your holiday.

The issue isn't whose fault it was. The issue is why he jumped to blame you.

Sexnotgender · 07/06/2019 14:47

I’d be equally adamant it’s all his fault.

His wallet his responsibility. If you happen to see it and do him a favour and pick it up then that’s great but the onus is entirely on him to look after his own stuff.

sqirrelfriends · 07/06/2019 14:47

Not your responsibility to keep track of his wallet.

sqirrelfriends · 07/06/2019 14:48

I would let it go though, we all say/ do stupid things.

Pinkvoid · 07/06/2019 14:49

His responsibility. Just be thankful an honest person picked it up...

NoSauce · 07/06/2019 14:55

Nah he’s a dick. It’s his wallet not yours. Don’t let him pin this on you.

Elisheva · 07/06/2019 14:59

Well if it was my responsibility to look after his wallet then every time we left somewhere I’d be sure to ask him if he had his wallet, maybe I’d ask him to show it to me, just to make sure I hadn’t forgotten. Then I would double check, because I wouldn’t want to be blamed again. I might even get the children to help me to remember by checking that daddy had his wallet each and every time we go anywhere.

Original poster
LittleAndOften · 07/06/2019 15:09

Thanks for your responses. We have it back! I sometimes doubt my own sanity during this pregnancy so wanted some reassurance. DH has many positive qualities but the blame game is not one of them. He gets it from his mum. Neither of them accept any responsibility for things being their fault.

DH has told me he wants to be friends and he's not going to hold a grudge! I can't be arsed to fight my corner and as pp said, ruin the holiday

OP posts:
Omzlas · 07/06/2019 15:14

I know someone who refuses to accept responsibility for anything and it's fucking infuriating

Don't let him blame you and certainly don't admit it's a collective responsibility!

Antigon · 07/06/2019 15:16

So he gets away with blaming you?

Mumofone1593 · 07/06/2019 15:17

It's bad he said was definitely your fault at soft play and then it ended up being before then! I would hold a grudge at home but it will affect you and DS too if you hold a grudge on your holiday.

BunnyJumps · 07/06/2019 15:19

Man child

AgentJohnson · 07/06/2019 15:22

DH has told me he wants to be friends and he's not going to hold a grudge!

And you’re having another child with this knob.

Original poster
LittleAndOften · 07/06/2019 15:35

He usually comes round to my way of thinking in about 3 or 4 weeks!

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 07/06/2019 15:43

He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t need his wife to check everything for him like a toddler.

Happyspud · 07/06/2019 15:44

Tell him to take responsibility for his own shit or to fuck off.

Man child and a prick with it!

Antigon · 07/06/2019 15:47

He usually comes round to my way of thinking in about 3 or 4 weeks!

Yes after he gets to treat you badly for 3-4 weeks.