To think it's not just my fault?

[LittleAndOften]

I'm on holiday with DH and DS, in the UK. DH couldnt find his wallet. Today we've been to 3 places - a cafe for breakfast, soft play and a cafe next door for lunch.

DH couldn't find his wallet after lunch and told me I'd lost it at the soft play as I was looking after the bags. I have no memory of seeing it, but I'm pregnant so don't always trust my memory right now.

DH went on about how his wallet had been on the table at the soft play, he was adamant. I rang the cafe where we had breakfast and turns out they have it. He now says it was my fault because he asked me if we had everything before we left. I was gathering bags, putting on DS's coat etc.

AIBU to think it's a collective responsibility? DH is adamant it's all my fault

[LittleAndOften]

I guess when it's really obvious then he'll accept he's wrong, but he is one of those people with an external locus of control, so in the first instance tends to blame the world for things rather than looking to see what he could control/change himself.

Presenting it in isolation like this obviously skews how much of an issue it is in our relationship. It doesn't rear its head that often, and usually I'll say what I need to say and patiently wait until the penny drops some time later. I hate confrontation so would never keep fighting until we're at breaking point.

However today I really needed the mn boost of reassurance as I really felt I was not BU and was v upset. I'm content enough with leaving it for now (I realise this wouldn't work for everyone). He'll realise he's been a twat soon enough!

I need to draw a line under this now. Thanks for all your comments

[VampirateQueen]

Not going to lie, I wouldn't fully let this go. I would whilst on the holiday, but if he says to you, can you keep an eye on this for me? I would respond with are you sure I lost your wallet on holiday remember, I think you should look after it yourself.
But then again I'm a bitch.

[CornishMaid1]

If he gave you his wallet to look after (I sometimes put DH's in my handbag if we are out) or you saw it there and choose to leave it behind then maybe it is your fault or collective responsibility. Otherwise, it's his fault.

Tell him you won't hold a grudge against him for him not being able to look after his things and either buy him a manbag or one of those long bungee cords to attach to it so he can't lose it again.

[IceQueenCometh]

Well obviously he won't be leaving it for you to take responsibility for again, will he. Dick.

[PickAChew]

What sort of muppet leaves his wallet on a table?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

His wallet: his responsibility! Bloody manchild.

[Foslady]

Get him a manbag and tell him his wallet his responsibility

[Crunchymum]

So what else does he blame you for OP?

[NoSauce]

So he’s never wrong? That would drive me daft.

[Lizzie48]

I'm sorry, but he reminds me of my DDs (10 and 7). It's the kind of argument I constantly hear them having. He's supposed to be a dad and about to have a second child.

YANBU, OP. You shouldn't concede to him, though I understand why you might want to keep the peace.

[pickletickled]

What a dick!
He is a grown adult man and should act accordingly and not like a immature 2 year old.
I could not and would not put up with a second of this behaviour never mind weeks.

[Antigon]

He usually comes round to my way of thinking in about 3 or 4 weeks!

Yes after he gets to treat you badly for 3-4 weeks.

[Happyspud]

Tell him to take responsibility for his own shit or to fuck off.

Man child and a prick with it!

[Sparklesocks]

He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t need his wife to check everything for him like a toddler.

[LittleAndOften]

He usually comes round to my way of thinking in about 3 or 4 weeks!

[AgentJohnson]

DH has told me he wants to be friends and he's not going to hold a grudge!

And you’re having another child with this knob.

[BunnyJumps]

Man child

[Mumofone1593]

It's bad he said was definitely your fault at soft play and then it ended up being before then! I would hold a grudge at home but it will affect you and DS too if you hold a grudge on your holiday.

[Antigon]

So he gets away with blaming you?

[Omzlas]

I know someone who refuses to accept responsibility for anything and it's fucking infuriating


Don't let him blame you and certainly don't admit it's a collective responsibility!

[LittleAndOften]

Thanks for your responses. We have it back! I sometimes doubt my own sanity during this pregnancy so wanted some reassurance. DH has many positive qualities but the blame game is not one of them. He gets it from his mum. Neither of them accept any responsibility for things being their fault.

DH has told me he wants to be friends and he's not going to hold a grudge! I can't be arsed to fight my corner and as pp said, ruin the holiday

[Elisheva]

Well if it was my responsibility to look after his wallet then every time we left somewhere I’d be sure to ask him if he had his wallet, maybe I’d ask him to show it to me, just to make sure I hadn’t forgotten. Then I would double check, because I wouldn’t want to be blamed again. I might even get the children to help me to remember by checking that daddy had his wallet each and every time we go anywhere.

[NoSauce]

Nah he’s a dick. It’s his wallet not yours. Don’t let him pin this on you.

[Pinkvoid]

His responsibility. Just be thankful an honest person picked it up...

[sqirrelfriends]

I would let it go though, we all say/ do stupid things.