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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter wants to join holiday halfway through

63 replies

Motherofamadhouse · 16/05/2019 19:47

For background DD is a dancer about to graduate, all her yearnates are getting showreels done.
My other DD is 17 and the holiday is to celebrate them turning 18 and 21 in June.

We’ve booked a family holiday (eastern med cruise) for July 27th to the 3rd of August, DD20 has just found out her college will be doing showreels on the 30th of July and is now insisting that she isn’t coming on holiday and will fly herself out and meet us at a port on the 31st. AIBU to tell her she’s being stupid and can’t ruin the holiday like that? What can I do

OP posts:
Unihorn · 16/05/2019 19:48

'Stupid and ruining the holiday' would be not turning up at all, surely?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 16/05/2019 19:49

How will it ruin the holiday? And surely her future career is more important.

DitheringBlidiot · 16/05/2019 19:49

Why would she being ruining the holiday? If she’s happy to fly herself in and out I fail to see the issue to be honest

DitheringBlidiot · 16/05/2019 19:49

Also she’s 20, not a child

gamerchick · 16/05/2019 19:49

I don't see the problem. She's old enough to sort herself out. How will it ruin the holiday?

HappyMama01 · 16/05/2019 19:50

What can you do???!!
Support your daughters' career and allow her to meet you at a later date. Especially if this is a holiday to celebrate her 21st!

Oysterbabe · 16/05/2019 19:50

In what way will this ruin the holiday?

SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2019 19:51

So she isn't getting a showreeldoen, she just wants to watch her mates? I'd be a bit peeved if I'd paid a fortune for her holiday and now had to pay a fortune in flights etc so she needs to take some financial responsibility but don't see how having just the 18 yo for a few days is ruining your holiday

arethereanyleftatall · 16/05/2019 19:52

Yabu. Sounds like a good plan.

MrsMozartMkII · 16/05/2019 19:52

I'm with the others - why is it 'stupid'? And why will it ruin the holiday? She's doing it for her career - these sorts of contacts and relationships are important in her world.

FadedRed · 16/05/2019 19:53

YABU. At twenty in university, it’s nice she wants to join you for part of the holiday.

OKBobble · 16/05/2019 19:53

Assuming that the showreels thing is quite usual for her course then the "stupid" thing was to book a holiday before the date for these was fixed.

Let her do her own thing. She certainly won't enjoy a holiday forced on her when she wants to be doing something else.

Sirzy · 16/05/2019 19:54

Sounds fine IF the cruise company will allow her to check in at another port.

TSSDNCOP · 16/05/2019 19:54

I’d say great plan. But then I’m shocking some MNers to their core by staying an extra week on holiday with DS after DH flies home. How will we live?!

Original poster
Motherofamadhouse · 16/05/2019 19:55

It just feels like I’ve wasted so much money for her to show up halfway through the holiday, especially when the holiday is for her and her sister and they will both be moving on with life and starting to leave home so soon

OP posts:
HBStowe · 16/05/2019 19:57

Is she in the showreel? If so I can see why she doesn’t feel she can miss it, and joining you part of the way through seems like a good compromise.

If she’s just wanting to see her friends, however, I can understand why you are annoyed (though I don’t know if you can force her to come if she’s 20...)

springgreensunshine · 16/05/2019 19:57

I don't really know what a showreel is, but if it's a big end of college type thing I can see why she won't want to miss it.

And she's 20, not a kid.

It is annoying when things clash though.

Original poster
Motherofamadhouse · 16/05/2019 19:58

She would be getting a showreel done too
It’s a video of her dancing she says she can send to agents

OP posts:
ElloBrian · 16/05/2019 19:58

Did you perhaps book the dates a bit too soon , before she knew she was definitely going to be free?

gamerchick · 16/05/2019 20:00

especially when the holiday is for her and her sister and they will both be moving on with life and starting to leave home so soon

No, the holiday is for you really isn't it? Your kiddies are growing up and will fly the best and you wanted one more family holiday before that happened.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that either, but it might help if you aknowledge the real reason you're upset rather than be angry at her. She can't see the picture in your head. You could try and have a chat with her but don't be mad.

It might be nice to spend some one on one with your 18 yr old.

newjobnerves · 16/05/2019 20:00

FFS she's 20 get a grip. You're being extremely selfish for someone who claims the holiday is for her, it's clearly important to her, important to her career, be the parent and respect that.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 16/05/2019 20:00

My DD is finished her A levels this year and desperately wants to go to Boardmasters with all of her friends before they all go off to Uni.

It will mean she leaves our family holiday early but we support her decision-she saved all year for the ticket and it will be a great experience for her to have a big celebration with all of her friends.

As the DC get older you see a shift in them balancing their lives and the family life and it is important to let them find that balance.

My DC are 22, 21 and 18-it is very different than when they are little and we book it and hope they all come but know they might not.

OP your DD showreels sound very important and I would support her and let her meet you and have a lovely time.

DeeCeeCherry · 16/05/2019 20:01

She's your daughter..! Unclench for God's sake. I'm on holiday at the moment, DP & my girls came out here before me as I'd a contract to finish. Your daughter has a life and career to attend to she doesn't have to be joined to your hip, nor bow down beholden to you because you arranged/paid for a holiday. She's your daughter not your mate.

If you're going to moan and dictate about this or use a holiday as some form of control she likely won't bother to come out in future - then you'll have less to worry about won't you. At least in that respect.

bloodywhitecat · 16/05/2019 20:02

YABU, how is she being stupid? I think it is a very reasonable decision for her to make.

TSSDNCOP · 16/05/2019 20:02

Plus if your girls are anything like me and my sister, same age difference, were then staggering them might make the difference between having a lovely time and wishing fervently for a rogue iceberg.