Daughter wants to join holiday halfway through

[Motherofamadhouse]

For background DD is a dancer about to graduate, all her yearnates are getting showreels done.
My other DD is 17 and the holiday is to celebrate them turning 18 and 21 in June.

We’ve booked a family holiday (eastern med cruise) for July 27th to the 3rd of August, DD20 has just found out her college will be doing showreels on the 30th of July and is now insisting that she isn’t coming on holiday and will fly herself out and meet us at a port on the 31st. AIBU to tell her she’s being stupid and can’t ruin the holiday like that? What can I do

Well that sounds pretty important for a dancer about to graduate Surely she needs to do it.

I don't see the issue tbh. Sounds like she has ambitions and she's doing what she can to realise those ambitions. All power to her.

I understand you're upset but the alternative of having her there and bloody miserable would ruin the holiday more.

YABVVU, she is 20 and she has offered to pay for the flight herself to come and meet you. You sound like an overbearing mother.

It seems the consensus is IABU
Thankyou for some outside perspective

She would be getting a showreel done too
It’s a video of her dancing she says she can send to agents

In that case I think she’s quite sensible to stay and get it done, although if she knew the possible showreel dates in advance she was bloody stupid to agree to go on holiday at the same time.

Well she needs a showreel. It sounds perfectly sensible for her to join you asap after it's sorted.

Surely you want her to get the showreel done for her career? Is this the only time she can get it or would there be another opportunity?

Is there an alternative date to get the showreel done? Does she need one? If she does and this is the only opportunity, then she is right to prioritise over a holiday.

I think your dd is being perfectly reasonable. Be gracious about the changes, and kind to her. She has spent years and years getting to this very point. Support her decision op. This is not a once in a lifetime Antarctica trip, I am sure she will be joining you again before long.

Sounds like she is being pretty level headed! Her joining you a little later won’t matter. She is an adult, it is lovely she wants to go on a family holiday at all. I wouldn’t have wanted to at that age.

OP a showreel is essential, it’s basically a visual CV & she’ll have no chance of getting an agent or any dance work without one.

She needs the showreel, it’s a tough industry, especially for a woman where there are loads of dancers going for every role.

Op when your children are young you can control who they see, what they do but, and it's a big BUT for you, now is a very hard time. You've steered them through the teenage years and you now have to step back and let them go. She's not being stupid, she wants to do something important to her and has worked out that she can join you for one last family holiday. The years between 17/21 will probably dictate how your future relationships with your dc work out. She's spreading her wings as all children should. You've given her the best start that you could and now you have to let go of the reins.

Seems like a waste if she is not having show reels done for herself. It is only a few days of a long holiday though, so not ruining it.

I would be asking her to investigate whether she can get the reel made at a different time ( and would be prepared to pay for it). If so, then I would expect her to come on the holiday as it will have cost a lot of money and will spoil it for all of you if she arrives a couple of days before the end.
Tbh I can't see the point of her turning up so late in the holiday - you will all just feel as if you are marking time waiting for her to arrive - perhaps better if your other daughter brings a friend or cousin or maybe grandma could come or something??
I'd be tempted to book another holiday later in the year and do the celebrating then.

It’s a video of her dancing she says she can send to agents
I think I'm a bit late to this thread but this done a quite important!

She's being sensible and making a career critical decision, you're being selfish and demanding.

I think that your priorities are out of balance OP. Your child is more mature than you are.

Being a dancer /actor or singer is such a very different world and one that unless you are part of it you won’t understand. Your daughter will go to a 100 auditions where she will be told she’s to fat, to thin, to, tall, to blonde to dark - it won’t break her because she had training and will believe in herself more than anyone else. She might get a job from the 100 auditions but she definitely won’t without a good showreel of her looking her absolute best. Don’t spoil it for her. These first couple years make or break a career.

I'd change the holiday dates and if there's no other cruises available I'd just book something else that suits us all.

Of course she needs a showreel. Sounds like she has worked out a sensible solution.

YABVVVU expecting her to commit to any kind of holiday in advance this summer.
Your daughter is a 3rd year professional performer about to graduate. The summer term of a full time professional dance course is a whirlwind of preparation for working in the industry - as well as her showreel being extremely important (this is often the first thing casting directors will look at, along with CV and headshots, and first impressions count), she will also need to find herself an agent for when she graduates. She will need to attend auditions or casting calls to find herself work- even a short contract, and much of this will happen in the summer term. I'm assuming that her dance college will have a graduates showcase (as many of them do, possibly in London?) and that various agents will be invited to watch this, if she is lucky enough to be signed up by one of them, she will need to make herself available to attend auditions at the drop of a hat- otherwise they will lose interest in her very quickly. It's a very competitive industry and if you don't get yourself out there, there is usually a queue of equally (or more) talented dancers ready to take your place.

I honestly think you need to accept that she will have to either join you late on holiday, or may even not be able to go at all. What she really shouldn't do is turn round to an agent if they happen to find her an audition during the time period of the holiday, and say that she can't attend it. Things will be different once she has had a few performing jobs, she will most probably find that she has gaps between contracts anyway, but as a dancer just starting out at the bottom it's really important to be seen, be available, and be professional.

I've been teaching dance for 20 years, and my daughter is in her first year studying professional dance at full time dance college.

What can you do?? Well......you can put your Daughter before your own selfishness, and let her do something that may benefit her career. Just a thought.

YABVU

AIBU to tell her she’s being stupid and can’t ruin the holiday like that?

Um, yes.

It sounds like you haven't really made the adjustment to accepting that your children have grown up and are adults now. I mean this really gently, but is there a reason for that? Is it just you and them?

Just a point, but you might want to check if it's even possible for her to join the cruise halfway through. Only certain ports are classed as embarkation points and you certainly can't get on at whichever one you choose ... though there are exceptions for staff joining the ship and/or emergencies