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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy announcement reaction

90 replies

Catmom2019 · 23/04/2019 15:23

My husband and I announced our pregnancy to my BIL and SIL yesterday by showing them a scan picture. SIL said they had known for ages and had been watching my moves for months and that it wasn’t at all a surprise. I was so taken aback as my husband and I hadn’t told anyone our news and didn’t come up with excuses about not drinking etc by swapping drinks at family get togethers etc. They didn’t congratulate us and that was the end of the convo. I was quite upset at her comments and his lack of interest so I text her earlier saying how upset I was at her reaction. BIL is now attacking me for making her upset! AIBU? The only thing that made me text her was because she had text me saying you need to find out the sex. Tell me off if you think I overreacted...

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/04/2019 15:24

They were a bit rude but you probably over reacted aswell with the text

Cel982 · 23/04/2019 15:25

People love telling you they knew all along, I've found. It's slightly irritating, but try not to get upset about it. I doubt they meant any harm, and they seem excited about the pregnancy. And congratulations! Flowers

HennyPennyHorror · 23/04/2019 15:25

Perhaps they're having trouble conceiving and this was more than they could bear?

99calmbeforethestorm · 23/04/2019 15:26

There reaction was disappointing but it’s your babies not theirs and they are not going to be very excited about it. There was no need for you to text her and complain. In future if you need/want to complain then do it over the phone or in person so it doesn’t escalate.

RedPanda2 · 23/04/2019 15:30

Meh I would probably say congratulations but wouldn't be bothered. It was a bit OTT tiotext her

kaytee87 · 23/04/2019 15:34

Completely ott to text her like that.
They should really have said congratulations but you don't know what's going on in their lives so I'd just get over it and thank your good fortune.

kaytee87 · 23/04/2019 15:36

And it can be pretty obvious when someone is TTC or is pregnant especially if you're in regular contact - even if you think you've been really discreet.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 23/04/2019 15:36

I think @HennyPennyHorror has hit the nail on the head.

pessimisticstateofperception · 23/04/2019 15:39

It's not very interesting at this stage to anyone except you and your husband.

Sounds like you werent as sneaky as you thought you were Grin

ethelfleda · 23/04/2019 15:39

It was a shit and annoying reaction but I wouldn’t have text her to tell her that. People are odd.

SylvanianFrenemies · 23/04/2019 15:40

Their reaction was a little disappointing, but not worthy of being followed up with a text. I would also wonder if they are having troubles. I would suggest against showing scan pics uninvited for this reason. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy.

Isitweekendyet · 23/04/2019 15:40

They were rude, unreasonably so.

I hate the excuse that an inability to conceive gives you the right to be completely insensitive and sometimes even bordering on mean.

Irregardless of whether they can conceive or not, this was your news and they should have graciously congratulated you.

I say all of the above having taken nearly ten years to conceive DS and having had three complicated miscarriages in the last five years. It's not an excuse.

tanpestryfirescreen · 23/04/2019 15:41

Announcement!

You dont make an announcement, you just tell people.

It is your baby- how exciting for you. For everyone else it is probably just the cycle of life.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/04/2019 15:45

Not very nice of them at all OP- but i wouldnt give it a second thought. Dont engage too much with them, and good luck with everything.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2019 15:45

Confronting her by text, (like a teenager would do), with a pissy message was a really bad move. What did you possibly expect to achieve by that? Yes, your feelings were hurt because your expectations weren't met, but now you've created a rift that might never be repaired.

SylvanianFrenemies · 23/04/2019 15:46

I don't know isitweekendyet. Also having had losses agree that such troubles don't stop you congratulating in theory. But if I'd had a scan pic waved under my nose after my most recent loss I would have been really thrown and may have been quite disjointed in my response. I could have forgotten to issue congratulations on my focus to stay composed.

Bentley111 · 23/04/2019 15:49

I would agree with pp's that it's likely they've had losses or are having trouble TTC. It is very upsetting to have scan pictures waved under your nose in those circumstances.
I think texting her was very OTT.

bluebluezoo · 23/04/2019 15:52

I’d be pissed of about being told I needed to find out the sex. I don’t, and it’s not anyone else's business.

Apart from that it’s just you being offended they didn’t ooh and ahh over your amazing announcement. The text was unecessary and self-involved.

Some people just aren’t interested in pregnancy. Like pp have said it is often very easy to tell when people are ttc, even if you do think you’re discreet. You are often more sensitive and alert to other people’s pregnancies if you are ttc or pregnant yourself.

It’s hardly ruining your moment.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/04/2019 15:54

I dont think OP was asking for a fan-fair just a "congratulations"- is that too much to ask of family...geeezze

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 23/04/2019 15:54

YABU.

Yes, a congratulations is usually the standard reply but tbh sometimes it's just not that exciting to other people especially the dreaded scan photo! I assume there is more context to this and you were having a chat and a giggle about how they could've known already rather than just "I'm pregnant, I already knew" end of. It may well have just been lost in the conversation and they moved on naturally?!

Even if they were being rude at the time, your SIL struck up a chat showing interest later on via text and you shot her down. I'd think you were a stroppy arse tbh.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 23/04/2019 15:57

I was quite upset at her comments and his lack of interest so I text her earlier saying how upset I was at her reaction. BIL is now attacking me for making her upset!

You actually text someone to complain they didnt react how you wanted them to?

I've yet to meet a bloke who gets excited about anyone other than his own wife being pregnant.

Happyandglorious · 23/04/2019 16:01

I would avoid discussing the pregnancy again with them if their under reaction (rightly imo) upsets you.
No point having it out with them they were rude and didn't like being told so.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2019 16:01

You overreacted. Life doesn’t always pan out how we would wish in an ideal world. She contacted you. She was trying and you decided to react negatively.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 23/04/2019 16:01

YABVU! All this tweeness over pregnancy is so self-absorbed. The whole 'announcing' and not telling anyone (a lot of women who've had babies already can tell a mile away) then expecting a load of congratulations is misguided because most of the time, it's just not that interesting to anyone but your nearest and dearest.

Maybe they're not having trouble conceiving or had losses, maybe they've decided they don't want any kids at all and aren't fussed about other peoples'.

Just move on.

RelaisBlu · 23/04/2019 16:03

But isn't she showing an interest by asking you about the sex of the baby?