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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy announcement reaction

90 replies

Catmom2019 · 23/04/2019 15:23

My husband and I announced our pregnancy to my BIL and SIL yesterday by showing them a scan picture. SIL said they had known for ages and had been watching my moves for months and that it wasn’t at all a surprise. I was so taken aback as my husband and I hadn’t told anyone our news and didn’t come up with excuses about not drinking etc by swapping drinks at family get togethers etc. They didn’t congratulate us and that was the end of the convo. I was quite upset at her comments and his lack of interest so I text her earlier saying how upset I was at her reaction. BIL is now attacking me for making her upset! AIBU? The only thing that made me text her was because she had text me saying you need to find out the sex. Tell me off if you think I overreacted...

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 23/04/2019 17:02

I can't imagine my husband being beside himself with excitement if I told him one of my sisters was having a baby. He would probably be like 'ooh how lovely', but that would probably be it.

Was it your husbands brothers wife?

I can imagine I would be very happy for my brother in laws wife if she was having a baby, but I couldn't imagine being overly excited about it like I could if it was one of my own family.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 23/04/2019 17:02

Wow, some of you lot are a miserable.

A women telling her family she is pregnant is lovely news.

In our family both the 1st and the 14th grandchild have been celebrated in the same way, with excitement and anticipation and happiness.
At times when some sensitivity was needed, that was there as well.

OP, I would have been very upset. Without knowing all the complex family dynamics it's hard to know how to take the text exchange, but they could at least have said congratulations and asked you how you've been feeling.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/04/2019 17:07

You actually text someone to complain they didnt react how you wanted them to? Well, technically she repsnded to a text from SIL telling she needed to find out the sex of the unsurprising child!

doing so immediately after she'd text to say about finding out the sex is bizarre. You mean demanding as that is how OP felt that text read!

Weird!

Woman announces imminent first born.

Other woman pisses on her party

Who gets moaned at?

Yeah, right. Only on Mumsnet! You mean spirited harridans!

Catmom19 Congratulations! Ignore the surly response. She will have her own perfectly illogical reasons why she was not simply being congratulatory. Get your DH to tell his DB(?) that his wife can stop being so upset now, she has made her point!

ScreamScreamIceCream · 23/04/2019 17:11

A pregnancy announcement is boring but a child that interacts with you isn't.

Two of my siblings weren't interested in my pregnancy announcement, but like my baby especially when she passed 3 months.

outpinked · 23/04/2019 17:12

Have skim read the thread but I haven’t seen a mention of whether SIL has experienced losses herself or is struggling to conceive. It doesn’t give you a right to be a dick to people but having a scan photo waved in your face could be utterly heartbreaking, I know I wouldn’t have coped with it following my miscarriages.

I wouldn’t worry about it, I think your text was a bit OTT but just let the situation go. Just be happy you have a healthy baby.

tanpestryfirescreen · 23/04/2019 17:16

and she booked hers four months before ours
then she got engaged a few weeks later

She- so he had no involvement?

It sounds like you dont like her and are looking for excuses to validate your feelings.

You are coming across as petty and spoilt TBH.

Momma2be2020 · 23/04/2019 17:17

They still could of said congratulations, and even if they said we had a suspicion you might be. But they seemed rude. Seems to be one in every family. Focus on u and ur baby & not on them.

TheCatDidSay · 23/04/2019 17:19

I can imagine my sil being pissed I wasn’t happy or excited enough when she announces but it’s just another baby.

If it was one of my children then that would be a whole different kettle of fish but a in law pregnancy isn’t that exciting.

newbabyyy2019 · 23/04/2019 17:20

I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone has different reactions to pregnancy announcements, I was really excited to tell my sister who I've always been really close with about me and DP having a baby and I gave her a card with the scan and a lovely poem about her becoming an auntie and she opened it and said "oh okay, I knew it would be this when you gave me the card" (all with a straight face, no excitement) then went on to say that I'd ruined her surprise of news that she'd just brought her first home with her bf and "great well you've outdone me so thanks" made me feel really shit but I'm 4 months pregnant now and although I always ask her about what's going on in her life, she hasn't once asked me anything about the baby or how I'm feeling. You just have to grow past it and not let it get to you..!

willitbe · 23/04/2019 17:21

It is not like you got a bad reaction, it was just not the great reaction you were hoping for. If she was competitive over the engagements and weddings as you say, you can bet that she has been trying to conceive when she suspected you were, especially with the miscarriage (whether or not she had been discussing it with your MIL). So you have beaten her too it again. You should have anticipated that you would not get a great reaction again. Her asking about the gender of the baby was showing an interest, regardless of her intention behind that interest. For all you know she might be in the early stages of pregnancy herself and worried about miscarriage.....

My MIL and FIL actually gave horrible responses to each of my pregnancy announcements. First one, "oh, ok" , followed with my FIL having a heart attack 2 hours later! The second "really shouldn't you have thought about money before getting pregnant again" and then the third "well don't expect us to babysit, we can only manage two."
In reality my PILs could not cope with pregnancy announcements, but love their grandchildren.

So with your situation, you need to not have high expectations of good reactions from your BIL and SIL, but also no more horrible texts to them, no matter how competitive they are being. And just in case they are suffering infertility - don't go rubbing your excitement in their faces! Keep that between your dh and yourself and anyone else who truly is interested.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope it all goes smoothly for you.

NameChangeNugget · 23/04/2019 17:21

YANBU. Their reaction was odd and rude

Teddybear45 · 23/04/2019 17:24

Your mil clearly already said something.

Highlights12 · 23/04/2019 17:26

Sounds like she is jealous. Do they have any children.

werideatdawn · 23/04/2019 17:26

Yanbu. The "fertility issues give you a free pass to be an unpleasant dick" brigade will tell you that you are though.
Ignore them, if they can't even behave like decent human beings and say a simple congratulations I wouldn't bother with them.

PanamaPattie · 23/04/2019 17:28

They were rude. Don't share anymore information, you only get a pissy reply. She sounds jealous of you. Congratulations by the way.

MsSquiz · 23/04/2019 17:31

I don't think you are being unreasonable in wanting a simple "congratulations" from your in laws.

How difficult is it to congratulate your brother/sister and their wife/husband on something that is clearly exciting for them?
It doesn't have to be the centre of your universe, but a hug and a smile or whatever wouldn't go amiss

jellycatspyjamas · 23/04/2019 17:45

I can’t believe they did t even say congratulations - surely that’s an automatic response when someone says they’ve got engaged, are pregnant or whatever. It’s not about being super excited about someone else’s pregnancy - it’s common courtesy. I’d be disappointed that they couldn’t even manage that, especially after having a miscarriage.

Waveysnail · 23/04/2019 17:54

So mil had prewarned u that they knew?

NoSauce · 23/04/2019 18:02

Obviously there’s some history between the two of you?

Ginger1982 · 23/04/2019 18:19

YABVU! They could have said congratulations at least but it was completely OTT to text her. You clearly don't like her. Do they have kids? They could be struggling.

HBStowe · 23/04/2019 18:21

I think they were a bit rude but that texting them about it was an overreaction. People don’t always get these things right all the time.

NewAccount270219 · 23/04/2019 18:31

Yanbu. The "fertility issues give you a free pass to be an unpleasant dick" brigade will tell you that you are though.

What is it that you feel gives you a free pass to be such an unpleasant dick?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/04/2019 18:37

Very rudeness to text that they failed to meet your expectations over your announcement.

I never get the big announcement thing, gender reveal . Nobody else really cares bar maybe the grandparents imo.

whohaa · 23/04/2019 18:43

People will always say they knew. I told DHs aunt yesterday. We haven't had any contact with her for months and told her as soon as she walked in the door, yet apparently she already knew. Once you're married and child-bearing age, people will suspect you're pregnant 100% of the time. People have been wrong about it for over 3 years now, yet because I actually am pregnant this time, this means they were clever and 'just knew'. Hmm

RosamundDarnley · 23/04/2019 18:51

Someone at my work told me they had known ”back in January when you were off sick with that”cold”” when I announced my pregnancy in the October. Considering dd was born in the following April I dread to think what species she thought I was...