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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guest who is fasting coming for dinner

139 replies

learieonthewildmoor · 19/04/2019 19:16

My brother-in-law’s mother is coming for Easter dinner tomorrow night. She is fasting for Orthodox Christian Easter; so won’t eat meat, dairy or olive oil.

Every year I make vegetarian dishes made with vegetable oil for her, which she recoils from in horror and doesn’t eat. She then eats the lamb and the halloumi salad and the pumpkin roasted in olive oil, and makes comments about how bad she feels about breaking her fast, and what a shame it is there was no food for her.

If I skip making the vegetarian dishes this year, am I being a bad host?

OP posts:

Dieu · 19/04/2019 19:19

As an overweight person, I was about to sympathise with her, but reading the post she's just a miserable cow who should stay at home. Or bring her own food.
You sound like an awesome host though, OP. Can I come?

Greeborising · 19/04/2019 19:22

Ooh how annoying!
I’d buy in some vegan ready meal which she can eat or you bin it.
If she chooses to blame you for her breaking her ‘fast’ just ignore her.
My guess is she’s gagging to eat your lamb!

TheseThingsAreFunAndFunIsGood · 19/04/2019 19:22

Buy a dairy free/veggie ready meal and pass it off as your own. If it has olive oil in, ignore. That's what I would do anyway! 🤷

Passthecherrycoke · 19/04/2019 19:23

Your Easter dinner sounds amazing!! Can I come?

I think I would make her something, but something ridiculous like pasta and tomato sauce or a ready meal veggie curry

Twickerhun · 19/04/2019 19:24

I’d plate up her meal and give it to her so she doesn’t get a choice of options.

TheWernethWife · 19/04/2019 19:25

Tell her to stay at home then.

Dieu · 19/04/2019 19:25

Oops, have just reread the post, and she's not fasting for the purpose of slimming

NW2SW · 19/04/2019 19:25

If you want to pander to her then maybe ask her exactly what she wants?

It is slightly unreasonably to completely ignore a guests dietary requirements. Worst case scenario could you up the vegan side dishes?!

Lwmommy · 19/04/2019 19:25

Couldn't you roast the pumpkin in veg oil and give her that and halloumi-less salad with no lamb?

Sexnotgender · 19/04/2019 19:26

She sounds insufferable!

Honestly I’d plate up her food for her and say you don’t want her getting confused like last year and thinking there’s no food for her.

If she tries to eat the lamb say noooo, don’t break your fast I made you this especially.

But then I’m a dick.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2019 19:26

Not at all, she’s brazen!

I have a friend who’s “lactose intolerant” and I made a lovely meal she could eat when she came for dinner one night. It was interesting when she had us back and served - and then ate - real butter, cheese sauce and cheese.

keepforgettingmyusername · 19/04/2019 19:27

M&S surely has something suitable in their plant kitchen range. Get something you'd like so when she recoils in horror you can eat it yourself.

motheroftinydragons · 19/04/2019 19:30

Nah this is no different to serving a Jewish person a bacon sandwich and telling them tough or disregarding someone's fasting rules at Ramadan! She's fasting for religious reasons, which is perfectly valid. If you aren't willing to cater for her at least tell her in advance so that she can bring her own food or choose not to come at all.

I think it's a pretty poor host who doesn't cater to her guests dietary requirements whether it be for health or religious reasons.

All GO's fast at Easter. My late grandmother was one and she did it every year.

Ps am an atheist, but still tolerant of other people's beliefs.

Sexnotgender · 19/04/2019 19:34

I think it's a pretty poor host who doesn't cater to her guests dietary requirements whether it be for health or religious reasons.

She did cater last time though and her efforts ignored!

It’s equivalent to the aforementioned Jewish person eating someone else’s bacon sandwich and ignoring all the kosher dishes the host has made especially for them.

mrwalkensir · 19/04/2019 19:34

AnnelovesGilbert butter and hard cheeses have very very low (if any) levels of lactose. Get most of my calcium from mature cheddar....

VladmirsPoutine · 19/04/2019 19:36

I'd just cook more to ensure there's enough. I've no gripes with pettiness but not when it comes to food. Maybe it's a cultural thing but I'd never deny a guest food even if they were insufferable.

PineapplePatty · 19/04/2019 19:36

Just ask her what she wants you to cook

Sunshineface123 · 19/04/2019 19:36

Buy a vegan ready meal then offer that or the food you've cooked, up to her then and you can keep the meal for emergencies if she doesn't fancy it.

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2019 19:37

Bless her, she’s a chancer isn’t she. Couple of vegan dishes and breads etc available for her, but don’t go OTT because chances are she’s not gong to eat it in favour of all the stuff in the fast-list

GarthFunkel · 19/04/2019 19:39

My gluten-free vegan SIL always managed to eat everything but the gluten-free vegan food I'd made especially for her. So now we get a takeaway and she orders whatever and I don't look at what she's ordered - saves my blood pressure anyway. All you can do is provide her with a choice that meets her requirements and if she chooses not to eat it then it's not your problem.

RandomlyChosenName · 19/04/2019 19:40

Why are you hosting your brother in laws’s mother for Easter every year.?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 19/04/2019 19:42

Why do you keep inviting her since she's so bloody rude? And to the pp, she's clearly not fasting for religious reasons if she she eats all the things she's not supposed to.
I'd go with plating up her meal for her or rescinding her invitation.

bamb00 · 19/04/2019 19:42

I'd just grab a few different frozen vegan meals (choose some you'd eat too) and you can ask her to take her pick when she arrives and you'll put it in the oven. She can either refuse them all and eat what you're eating or choose one of the meals and then it's tough tits if she doesn't like it. She sounds extremely rude... to basically blame your cooking on the reason for breaking her fast when you've cooked her a separate appropriate meal is absurd. I think if you didn't offer her anything suitable, she may be likely to sulk and refuse to eat the "non orthodox" food on principle, which could ruin the day so I'd cater for her with minimum effort and she can like it or lump it! If she plays up again I'd suggest she brings her own meal next time.

Drum2018 · 19/04/2019 19:44

Why do you invite her? It's taking extended family to another level. Ask your bil to bring food for her as she was so ungrateful last year.

Amongstthetallgrass · 19/04/2019 19:44

I’d make a big fuss about the food you prepared for her, show every one then she will feel like a knob for refusing it - especially if other people are eating it ..

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