Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am being unreasonable and precious but really.

63 replies

Topttumps · 31/03/2019 12:15

Life is pretty crap right now. Dh has a disability and needs lots of help. I have 3dds 15 13 and 6.
Dh finds it difficult to visit shops so hasn’t been able to facilitate much.
The school no longer facilitate Mothers Day crafts. I was works so couldn’t take dd3 to make some stuff. This kind of thing is imporant to me.
So today has essentially been a normal day with the added pain of missing my mum.
Dd1 and dd3 said Happy Mothers Day and gave me a paper card. Nothing from dd2
AIBU to be crying in the kitchen about this?
We are going out for a meal later but I am still the one helping dd2 and 3 get ready. Dd2 has some sen.

OP posts:
Bobbycat121 · 31/03/2019 12:17

I do think yabu a little, im a
lp to 4 so havent received a thing. take them out to the shops and let them pick something? I might do that later with mine.

crosser62 · 31/03/2019 12:18

Yabu and a bit dramatic.
You are going for a meal later. That’s something, more than others.

Pull up your big girl pants and crack on, it’s something fucking card manufacturers have invented, not a real thing.

runsmidgeOMG · 31/03/2019 12:20

You received a paper card ! That would mean more to me than all the shop brought gifts in the world. Aaand you know they weren't forced to do it by dad or school. They did it cos they wanted to !!!!
YABU enjoy your day with your children.

OhTheRoses · 31/03/2019 12:21

You are having a tough time and mother's day has highlighted how tough things are. You are possibly crying for how you hoped things would turn out and it's a legitimate form of grief.

Try to enjoy your lunch out and hold the thought that they are at their most selfish as teens and many dh's don't make sure they do this stuff the way mothers do.

Happy Mother's Day Flowers

endofthelinefinally · 31/03/2019 12:21

There are many, many women here who are struggling today.
You are not alone.
I thing you are being a little bit unreasonable, but I also think that your 15 year old could have encouraged the younger ones to make a card.
Your dh could have prompted that.

7circlemats · 31/03/2019 12:21

Mother’s Day :( www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/3546917-Mother-s-Day

Not sure if the link will work but if it does OP have a read! Might put things in perspective for you 🙄

GreatDuckCookery · 31/03/2019 12:22

DH could have given the older dc a tenner to get a card and some flowers, it’s not too much to ask.

I’m sorry you’re upset OP. CakeBrewFlowers

Pegsinarow · 31/03/2019 12:23

YANBU op! For a number of very understandable reasons you are feeling overwhelmed and miserable right now and Mother's Day has highlighted this.

Happy Mother's Day! Flowers Smile. You deserve some RL flowers though!

Can you access any ongoing support to help with your dh's disability? It sounds very hard with everything falling on your shoulders.

Samind · 31/03/2019 12:23

I think DD2 could of put some effort in to mothers day. I think the OP is possibly a little bit overwhelmed in general so I don't think it's necessary to be mean. Small things make all the difference to some people.

BloodsportForAll · 31/03/2019 12:23

I spent years being a single parent with no support. I received nothing.

Original poster
Topttumps · 31/03/2019 12:24

That just it though. I am not with the kids. I have barely seen them. They are in their rooms doing stuff.
I will of course have a nice meal and I agree the card is special but sad dd2 wasn’t involved at all.
I know deep down I am being silly but can’t shake off this feeling of sadness. My mums anniversary was very recent so it is a double whammy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Topttumps · 31/03/2019 12:27

That just it though. He offered her money but she cba to go to the shop. Dd3 was supposed to be making Lego flowers but cba either.
Thank you for replies.

OP posts:
Tinekittie2 · 31/03/2019 12:28

YABVU.

Many mums won't get a meal out. Handmade cards show more effort than shop bought ones. Mother's day is just a way for shops to make money and it's not worth being upset about it, especially when your kids have been lovely!

Cornettoninja · 31/03/2019 12:31

It is what it is but I understand your upset. It’s not a grasping thing or being the centre of attention, it’s a day that highlights what you haven’t got if you let it.

Allow yourself to have your cry then go and enjoy your meal with your family and don’t let it it over shadow what should be a nice meal out and an opportunity to appreciate what you do have.

I lost my mum as a teenager and struggled for years to have my dd. Mother’s Day was never pleasant and it was a day to remember my lovely mum and shut out the rest of the world. You don’t have that luxury but that’s not a bad thing in truth, it’s just finding a way to stop yourself on ruminating over other ways your family could be. They are who they are and you love them because that’s what makes them who they are.

Chin up Flowers

Tinekittie2 · 31/03/2019 12:31

Just saw about your mum's anniversary - maybe you are sad about that instead? That would be something understandable to be very upset about and I'm sorry you're going through a hard time dealing with loss

happymummy12345 · 31/03/2019 12:34

You're being very unreasonable. I've had nothing, no card of any kind, no present, not even a happy Mother's Day from dh before he left for work. No meal later, it's a normal day, I'm at home with ds doing what I'd usually do (washing ironing cleaning). Tonight will be the same as well.
All I had was being snapped at by dh as he was running late for work. Be glad you've got something

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 31/03/2019 12:36

Going against the grain but, YANBU OP. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere or I have missed that the elder DC has additional needs as well as your husband and middle child, 15 yo is plenty old enough to buy a card for the others to sign, a bunch of £1 daffodils. I think your greif over your Mum is making you feel it more keenly, and that's understandable too.

Samind · 31/03/2019 12:36

Read ops first sentence.

AndromedaPerseus · 31/03/2019 12:43

There is a certain point in teenagedom when dcs are completely selfish and they can’t see how much these things matter to other people and your dd2 is at that point, she will grow out of it in a year or two. This happened to me when my oldest 2 were 13-15 and they are both over it. DD2 who is 13 gave me nothing today so I feel your pain Flowers

freddiethegreat · 31/03/2019 12:43

My 16yo DS is being awful. He didn’t come home or communicate with me about it last night until I started raising merry hell (going to friends’ houses & looking for him), he was asleep until I woke him at 11am so he didn’t miss his shift, he’s upset because a part is broken on his moped, so it’s all my fault, he was ‘starving’ but didn’t take action & make himself a sandwich (I did eventually to get him over the hump), I am sh*t & don’t deserve anything anyway apparently & he’s now at work & expecting me to pick him up at 4 (tempted not to bother!). I am going for lunch on my own in a cafe somewhere & then I might have the energy to get on with the jobs that need doing! So OP - it’s hard, but you are not alone. 💐

Homemadearmy · 31/03/2019 12:48

Your not unreasonable in anyway! I imagine it's not really about the lack of presents, it more that you are having a difficult time,. Juggling work and family and wanting a little appreciation isn't wrong. Plus missing your mum. I would talk to your DH, and put a plan in place for your birthday or even mothers dad next year. So everything is more organised.
Hope your day improves

doIreallyneedto · 31/03/2019 12:48

@7circlemats - Not sure if the link will work but if it does OP have a read! Might put things in perspective for you

You get the award for most patronising, unhelpful post.

By the same logic, if I break a leg, I'm not allowed complain because some people need walking sticks to walk, while they're not allowed complain as some people are in wheelchairs, while they're not allowed complain as some people are quadraplegic, while they're not allowed complain because some people are dead.

The op is feeling a bit unappreciated and is also missing her mum. These are perfectly valid feelings. What is hurtful is the fact that the kids were offered money to go to the shop but cba, thought about doing something with lego but then didn't bother.

OP - most teens are inherently selfish. In most cases, they grow out of it eventually. I suspect your feelings have a lot to do with the fact you have a lot on your plate with dh and a dc with sn, plus missing your mum.

I would suggest talking to your dc. Tell them mother's day is important to you and you'd like them to spend some time with you and that it's not about a present or card but about them showing you they love and appreciate you. Then ask them what they would like to do with you today, in addition to lunch.

Original poster
Topttumps · 31/03/2019 12:49

I am doing all the washing and cleaning too. More than normal as was at work yesterday. Dh hasn’t wished me a Happy Mothers Day either.
I reckon the card, lovely as it is, took a couple of minutes at most.
Hell dh even suggested that I take dd1 to shop on the way back from a regular activity she does but she wanted to go home.
Anyway need to pull myself together as I think dd2 noticed I was upset but still clearly has no idea why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Topttumps · 31/03/2019 12:52

Sorry others are struggling too.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 31/03/2019 12:55

I’m sorry to hear everything is quite crap right now 🌷

I think your 15 yo should have made more of an effort and included the younger two more.

I think you’re missing your mum 💐 and feeling like crap because you feel like your DD’s don’t appreciate/love you like you did your Mum. It’s all a bit of a head fuck.

Be kind to yourself and have some time out to think about your Mum if you can x