I know I am being unreasonable and precious but really.

[Topttumps]

Life is pretty crap right now. Dh has a disability and needs lots of help. I have 3dds 15 13 and 6.
Dh finds it difficult to visit shops so hasn’t been able to facilitate much.
The school no longer facilitate Mothers Day crafts. I was works so couldn’t take dd3 to make some stuff. This kind of thing is imporant to me.
So today has essentially been a normal day with the added pain of missing my mum.
Dd1 and dd3 said Happy Mothers Day and gave me a paper card. Nothing from dd2
AIBU to be crying in the kitchen about this?
We are going out for a meal later but I am still the one helping dd2 and 3 get ready. Dd2 has some sen.

[Topttumps]

Feeling better as youngest did actually make me a card at school. Dd2 finally wished me Happy Mothers Day so feeling better. Also got reduced flowers from the shop.

[whitesoxx]

I'd tell the kids how they had made me feel. I bet they have enough money for crisps or chocolate on the way home from school. They should have known to get you a card.

[GirlcalledJack]

OP did you tell your DC how you were feeling?

Sometimes it takes a little nudge for teens/young teens to understand what a special occasion means to you and how marking it in some way is important.
If you were just upset and hiding away they aren’t mind readers and wouldn’t know how upset you were.

Do you think today might be a good day to sit them down and explain how you felt?

[WarmCoffee]

You are NOT being unreasonable. I agree that some posters here should be ashamed at giving a good kicking to a woman who has lost her mum and posted for support. Scummy behaviour. Sadness is not a competition.

You are helping to look after a disabled husband, another child with additional needs and a six year old to boot. Ignore the people who said you’re not your husbands mother (eye roll). He should have ordered some flowers or a photo card or something for you online. At the very least he should be getting the kids ready so you get a break. You should tell him you felt under appreciated, it’s not okay. I agree with cafeculture He seems to have become so used to you doing things for him that he's become very selfish.

[Cafeculture]

I'm really sorry that your DH didn't make sure your children got you something. He seems to have become so used to you doing things for him that he's become very selfish.
Your life sounds wearing on a day-to-day basis with little appreciation.

Now that the day has passed, can you have a talk to your DH about his lack of effort? You're his wife, not just his carer.

[HotpotLawyer]

OP: actually I do not think you are being precious. Depending on your DH’s disability, surely he could have facilitated the Dc to think about how hard you work for them all?

I am miffed by him hogging the TV I think!

[Ihatehashtags]

Yabvu!! You said yourself your kids are young and have sensory issues.

[contrary13]

and (albeit a day late).

I suspect that most teenagers won't understand the importance of Mother's Day... until they become parents themselves. To us, it's a day where we either miss our own mothers, or feel taken for granted in whatever small way, by our own children - which isn't always their fault, because they're children, and need us for the small details in their lives! And even if our daughters become mothers, and suddenly realise how awful it makes us feel to be taken for granted (because they're then the ones being taken for granted by their own children!), our sons? Might never "get" it.

I'm a lone parent and have spent many a Mother's Day without even a paper card or a verbal "Happy Mother's Day, Mum!" from both of my children. This year, I had no choice but to go NC with not only my own mother, but my daughter, too. Which leaves my 14 year old son - who spent the day as he spends most weekends: plugged into a game on his 'phone with his headphones on. Luckily, my brother thought about how shit I might feel, and took my son out on Friday evening to buy a plant for the garden. But I spent my Mother's Day clearing what used to be my oldest child's bedroom. It's just another day, now. It has to be, else some of us would go down that path of self-pity and wallowing - which doesn't do anyone any good!

"... you are stressed and exhausted, and that makes you over-sensitive." and "You need some time to yourself."

^^This, OP. You need a break from the mundane chores that motherhood brings with it (I get the SN, because my daughter has some issues, too, which I've spent the last 22 years dealing with singlehandedly, and it is exhausting and lonely - even when you have someone else, like your DH, to share the mental load with!), and I hope you found some time/space to just breathe and think "it could be worse", yesterday.

[Topttumps]

Meal was nice enough thank you.

[Topttumps]

Thank you.
Well kids back doing their own thing and dh hogging the telly so maybe some of you have a point.
Going to chill with a book.

[LuggsaysNotaWomen]

It is the dad's job to make bloody sure the children give their mum a proper mother's day. Children are selfish. Children take their mums for granted. That's why mother's day is a big deal for dads to make the children recognise the mother and be extra lovely. My DH has been poking the children for days making damn sure they get their heads out of their arses and their devices.

You have a DH problem.

This. As others have pointed out, the internet exists, I’m sure your DH has no problems ordering stuff when he feels motivated.

Adults need to model behaviour, especially for teens who are developmentally in a self centered phase. Your DH is as responsible for the parenting of your children as you are and teaching children what good relationships look like, which includes showing overt love and appreciation on occasion is his job too and he should take that responsibility seriously.

I hate the idea that showing appreciation is “spoiling” someone. We all need to feel seen and appreciated and it doesn’t take huge amounts of money or effort to do it.

The meal is nice though, I hope you enjoy it and I’m sorry about your mum .

I’ve had nothing today, not even a happy mother’s day but I too have a DH problem - shrug.

[GPatz]

7circlemats

[Footloose80]

It Is not dh that I am disappointed with. It is more about the kids disinterest. I know he did his best.
Anyway at least I don't have to cook for once.

[Boulezvous]

It's probably not about Mother's Day OP. You're finding life hard. Think about what small things you can do to make life more bearable. How you can get a break.

Mothers Day is not an indicator of how much you're loved. I got a card and choccies and one handmade card from my DC and a bagel and cup of tea in bed. I have no partner. I've spent the day cleaning and clearing things out. I will be cooking dinner as usual tonight. But I know my DC rely on me and love me. Even small gestures count.

[user1480880826]

There seems to be a 50/50 divide on the mother’s say threads today. Either a lot of disappointment or a lot of joy. For the first two hours of today it seemed like everyone in my house had forgotten and it felt pretty shit. Obviously made worse seeing friends post photos of cards and flowers on social media. My husband is now in the kitchen making a mess (I mean cake!) and all is good again. But he’s only doing this because my MIL told him to. Most men can’t understand why today means anything to us. Mother’s Day never used to be such a big deal. We used to just make whatever Blue Peter told us to that year and that was that. Nothing shop bought and no massive gestures. I blame social media and the retail industry for turning it into the crazy event that it has become.

[TowelNumber42]

It is the dad's job to make bloody sure the children give their mum a proper mother's day. Children are selfish. Children take their mums for granted. That's why mother's day is a big deal for dads to make the children recognise the mother and be extra lovely. My DH has been poking the children for days making damn sure they get their heads out of their arses and their devices.

You have a DH problem.

[S1naidSucks]

I hate the Mumsnet Hierarchies of Suffering

That’s it in a nut shell. There are some right nasty fuckers on here. Mouthing off to the OP and others about how she should be grateful for what she has, ‘what about bla bla bla?’, while not showing one grain of empathy for a woman that is struggling. Fucking hypocrites.

I’m sorry you’re having a rotten day, OP. At 15 your child should be far more considerate and even if your husband could do nothing, he could have asked the 15yr old to get something on his/her siblings behalf. Go visit your mum and vent about the day your having. I regularly talk to my late husband, when I’m having a bad day. I hope your day improves.

[BlueSaphire]

Topttumps

I think everyone who has lost their mum feels sadness on Mothers day, no matter what your family have planned for you today.

Have a nice meal out and enjoy yourself. x

[Playmytune]

YABVU
Why would your husband wish you a happy Mother’s Day? You aren’t his mother!
you up really want a forced gift off your children?

Sorry if I sound harsh, but be grateful for what you have! Read the thread about the mother who lost her daughter and all the other mothers who have suffered the same loss! I honestly cried reading that thread because they will never receive a Mother’s Day, or any other day, card or present from from their dear child. They will never feel their child’s touch again and this puts so many other things into perspective. Absolutely heartbreaking.

[doIreallyneedto]

@Nannewnannew - there are loads of other people much worse off than me. Yes, I know and appreciate this, but it doesn’t make the pain anymore bearable.

That is it exactly. I think people who dismiss your pain or suffering by saying there are people worse off than you are inherently selfish and unempathetic. They don't want to deal with your issues, either by offering sympathy or practical support, so dismiss your complaints in a way that tries to depict you as selfish and them as caring about those who are suffering most. However, those type of people rarely help anyone as, after all, there is always someone worse off.

Sympathies for your arthritis. I have (luckily) mild arthritis but that can be bloody painful. My mother has severe arthritis and, like you, mainly suffers silently. However, when she complains, I make sure I listen and sympathise as well as helping practically. Physical pain has an enormous impact emotionally as well as physically.

[category12]

Sorry you're having it a bit shit, OP.

[CantStopMeNow]

Dh finds it difficult to visit shops so hasn’t been able to facilitate much
Online shopping - or is that too difficult for him as well?

[JaneEyre07]

I'm sorry you're feeling upset OP.

It sounds like life is hard and stressful, and it's only human to want a little bit of acknowledgement that you're appreciated and you're bound to be thinking of your Mum today too.

Your DH may be disabled OP but he's had enough warning about today. Online shopping takes moments..........

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Spudlet and Dribble are speaking true.

Feeling awful isn''t a competition. And if someone is feeling low, then they are feeling low and that's how it is. If people could just pull themselves together, then they would.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

You are being a tiny bit U - but I think it's because you have so much on your plate at the minute - you are stressed and exhausted, and that makes you over-sensitive.

Let it go - see if your girls can entertain themselves for a couple of hours while you have a long bath with lots of nice smelly stuff (if you have any - bung some washing up liquid in for bubbles if you haven't ). Take a book in, and a cup of tea, and just let yourself go all wrinkly.

You need a bit of time to yourself.