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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky man online dating or aibu?

69 replies

Notcool1984 · 30/03/2019 18:16

Am I being too sensitive?
Dipping my toes in online dating since split with exDH almost three years ago. Put that I have kids in my intro to be honest.
Got a message from a guy around 20 years older and as far from an oil painting as you can get. He says: you have kids which puts a stop to anything romantic between us, but I think we can still be friends.
Is this how lowly I am thought of now? I'm mid 30s, averagly attractive, have a great career, fantastic friendships and people I wouldn't look twice at irl are rejecting me because I have kids?
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have wanted to date him (he is close in age to my dad!!) , but I just feel a bit deflated. Was he rude to contact me in the first place, or am I sensitive?

OP posts:
Bobbycat121 · 30/03/2019 18:18

It was rude to contact you to say it but you cant seriously be surprised that some people are put off dating single parents?

Pinkcar21 · 30/03/2019 18:18

Yes rude. You don’t meet his lofty standards but maybe he’ll be your friend and if you’re very very good let you see his penis.

Absolute prick. Typical man who thinks he’s doing you a favour 😘

OwlinaTree · 30/03/2019 18:19

Seems a bit weird he bothered to message you to tell you that!

Just block him and move on.

kaytee87 · 30/03/2019 18:19

Maybe he's just a bit odd or maybe he is genuinely looking for friends.
I wouldn't date someone with children, some people won't and that's fine.
Don't take it personally, plenty more fish in the sea!

Pinkcar21 · 30/03/2019 18:19

The kiss face was an accident sorry! Posted too soon. Also dating single mums isn’t for everyone but he actually went out of his way to tell you. That is absolutely rude behaviour.

DelilahTheSlagFromTheBible · 30/03/2019 18:20

Ooh he seems a real catch. Shame you've missed out there Not cool Wink

Sexykitten2005 · 30/03/2019 18:20

Sounds like he might have been negging you. Putting you down to make you “work harder” for his affection. Block and move on

FizzyGreenWater · 30/03/2019 18:21

Hah!

BLOCK.

Powerbunting · 30/03/2019 18:21

Is he negging you?

You don't join old looking for friends. He's looking for a bonk

Ruru8thestars · 30/03/2019 18:22

Reply saying ‘no thanks, I have loads of friends my age’ and block him

Powerbunting · 30/03/2019 18:22

Sexykitten - yes agree!

Tavannach · 30/03/2019 18:22

He's just rude. From your description not many will want him so he's just trying to lessen his pain by saying he won't date you. As if he had a choice.

EL8888 · 30/03/2019 18:22

Maybe you should message him back saying he’s too old for you but you could be friends!! He’s rude and has an attitude problem

CurtainsOpen · 30/03/2019 18:23

One guy is a dick. NEXT.

Order654 · 30/03/2019 18:24

Just write back saying..

Nah il pass on being your friend, it will be like talking to my dad.

He’s a twat, don’t think twice about it.

Marmalady75 · 30/03/2019 18:24

Reply “sorry I was looking for a boyfriend not a pal for my dad!” then block.

minou123 · 30/03/2019 18:24

Ah, welcome to online dating.

What you have there is a bonified 'all I want is sex ' arsehole. Unfortunately, there is a few of them on online dating.

Yes, he is rude. But in a weird way, he was being honest. Watch out for the dickheads who claim to be looking for a relationship, but all they want is sex or worst still, they are married.

You can message him back and tell him to fuck off if you think it will make you feel better. But personally, write him off as a loser.

LuluBellaBlue · 30/03/2019 18:25

I used to state I had a child as it quickly sorted the wheat from the chaff!!

I tested it without mentioned being a mum, at least double the messages but none of them ever went anywhere.

Eslteacher06 · 30/03/2019 18:34

You'd be amazed with some of the rubbish you get on OLD. And you will get some right odd bods contacting you. It's best to laugh it off. Guys like that feel they are doing you a favour.... they're not!!

I stopped most weirdos contacting me by not showing my pictures and only added guys I liked the look of (from their profile and picture). They could see my pictures then. Then if we hit it off had a quick coffee date and took it from there.

I was talking to a guy for a week and he asked me for a picture (he didn't know he could see them once we became 'friends'). I thought it was very sweet he did push for photos immediately.

We're now married with 1.5 kids :) So it can work... it's just separating the wheat from the chaff :)

Eslteacher06 · 30/03/2019 18:35

*He DIDN'T push for photos

CheshireChat · 30/03/2019 18:41

Yeah, he's an arse, it's not as if you'd have contacted him first, he specifically sent you a message to tell you that you don't meet his standards.

Original poster
Notcool1984 · 30/03/2019 18:48

What is negging?

OP posts:
ChandelierSail · 30/03/2019 18:50

Reply "Why would I want to be friends (or anything else for that matter) with an ugly old man like you? No thanks!" And then block him. What a twat.

Ruru8thestars · 30/03/2019 18:52

It’s where you are negative to someone so they do their best to prove you wrong eg beg him to go out on a date

iklboo · 30/03/2019 18:55

you have kids which puts a stop to anything romantic between us, but I think we can still be friends.

'You being a twat put paid to that cocker' Grin