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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

NDN and looking after her cat

63 replies

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:00

I posted a couple of weeks ago regarding my NDN. She fell & broke both her wrists. She lives on her own with her cat, she is 66.
I heard her screaming, called an ambulance & went with her to hospital. It’s a 45 minute drive away.
My DP & I have been feeding her elderly cat. The cat is incontinent. DP has cleaned up her mishaps from the kitchen floor on 3 occasions & I’ve washed her blanket that had crap/sick all over it.
I’ve just gone around to close the back door (we’ve been leaving it open for a few hours to air the kitchen where the cat is confined) & there is shit everywhere. Obviously the cat is poorly so not her fault.
My AIBU is that we haven’t heard a single thing from our neighbour despite sending ‘ how are you’ texts & calling the ward - the Sister has said she’s fine .
We’ve bought cat litter & now it’s run out of food which we cannot afford to replace.
Before anyone asks we haven’t visited because we both work full time & barely know our neighbour.
Yesterday I got a call from the hospital saying they were delivering a commode so we had to stay in so we could give them access to her house.
I’m just completely bemused to 2 weeks of no communication at all despite near daily messages from us !

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/03/2019 18:03

Do you want to keep feeding the cat.. if so, do. Neighbour will presumably return eventually.

If you do not, text neighbour informing her that you no longer wish to, then go to the hospital, visit neighbour, give her back her keys and say she will need to sort out cat feeding from now on.

dementedpixie · 30/03/2019 18:06

You really need to go and see her and speak to her. Find out if she has family/ carers, etc that can take over looking after the cat. Cat sounds like it needs a vet too.

Bookworm4 · 30/03/2019 18:09

I'd give Cats Protection a call, the cat sounds neglected and in need of vet care.

OpportunityKnocks · 30/03/2019 18:10

Do you have a local rescue or rspca that can advise. Or possibly the cinnamon Trust?
The pdsa might help?

Hotsummerplease · 30/03/2019 18:11

What Bookworm said. Cat sounds poorly and it's not your responsibility. You've done enough and tried to get in contact.

OpportunityKnocks · 30/03/2019 18:11

Cats protection is a good call!
Google 'cat chat' for local rescues if you don't know of them in the area

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 30/03/2019 18:12

Yesterday I got a call from the hospital saying they were delivering a commode so we had to stay in so we could give them access to her house.

You don't have to do anything of the sort - but what you do you need to do is: talk to the discharge co-ordinator/duty social work/raise a safeguard.

Nuyearnume · 30/03/2019 18:15

If she has broke both her wrists maybe she can’t actually text? Would it be an idea to ring admissions at the hospital,find out her ward and ask can you speak to her - they usually bring the phone to patients or advise you of a time that you can ring and arrange to have her by the phone.

Luckyduck88 · 30/03/2019 18:17

Whilst you may no longer want to be responsible for the cat and her lack of response is strange... I find it very difficult to see how you can't afford cat food? You can buy very cheap store brand cat biscuits I think it would be very cruel to leave the cat with no food.

Original poster

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:17

@Nuyearnume - as I previously stated I have phoned the hospital & spoken to the ward Sister.
I know she can text because I have seen a photo of her in plaster that she sent to our local shop keeper !

OP posts:

Original poster

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:20

@Luckyduck88 - I’m sorry but you don’t know our circumstances & food for us comes before cat food for a near strangers cat.
I’m not & would never be cruel to any animal so have been feeding it meat left overs.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 30/03/2019 18:25

Maybe that's why it's got the runs (giving food its not used to)

Mummymummums · 30/03/2019 18:26

If you've changed the cat's diet it might cause stomach upset which might not help.
Your neighbour doesn't sound like she's concerned about the cat if she's contacting others and not you. Presumably she's got no idea that the cat is being looked after. Definitely call RSPCA or Cats Protection.

dementedpixie · 30/03/2019 18:26

Can you not talk to her and say there is no food for the cat and ask for cash to buy more? Or call one if the cat charities

Original poster

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:30

The cat had problems BEFORE we gave her meat. It’s 18 & was already confined to the kitchen because of her incontinence.
I’m not saying it’s ideal but may have to resort to the cheapest of cheap cat food.
The hospital must of got my phone number from her phone to call me so surely she could have asked them to message us ?

OP posts:

AuntieCJ · 30/03/2019 18:31

If you aren't very careful you will become your neighbour's carer by default. It very nearly happened to us. Tell the hospital you are not in during the day and have no intention of taking the day off work. They will have to make other arrangements.

Also tell the that you hardly know the neighbour. Guess who they have in mind to empty the commode.Be very firm.

Original poster

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:31

We’ve called/messaged her but had no reply!

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 30/03/2019 18:32

OP
I think your neighbour is a CF, to make no attempt to contact you and assuming you're caring for her cat. Definitely call the discharge team at hospital and explain that you are not friends with this chancer and she needs support that you can't/won't be providing. Cats Protection need to intervene, look up your local branch asap.

wigglypiggly · 30/03/2019 18:39

I'd call the ward sister, explain you dont know your neighbour well and are unable to help with deliveries, caring for her, letting her in when shes discharged, shopping etc. She may have told them you will be helping her. With the cat call cat protection, blue cross or the RSPCA, it is not your responsibility and clearly needs to be looked after.

idontlike789 · 30/03/2019 18:46

The cat sounds poorly or is very old but not your responsibility.
My dms cat was quite old had to be put down symptoms were like your NDN cat .
You need to get hold of relatives or if there isn't any social services . I'd probably go down to the hospital if she won't give you relatives details speak to nurses about contacting social services. Your NDN may tell the hospital that you are there to help her when out of hospital when in fact you are not you have your own family and work .

Flicketyflack · 30/03/2019 18:48

Cinnamon Trust perhaps? They have foster carers when people go in to hospital.

Fairylea · 30/03/2019 18:49

Ring the ward and ask to speak to the sister. Explain what you have here and say that you cannot be your neighbours carer and ask that they speak to her / arrange care.

sueelleker · 30/03/2019 18:58

I agree with AuntieCJ. Do not get roped in to caring for her. My SIL rented rooms in a house, and had to take her landlady to A&E. When they asked who would look after her she said "oh, will." That's when my SIL moved out!

Flicketyflack · 30/03/2019 19:16

Apologies just fully read your post.

Ring the ward and explain you are a neighbour not her carer and are not available to do more.

Ring RSPCA/Cinnamon Trust/cats protection for her cat.

Then text neighbour & explain what you have had to do for cat & why

Flicketyflack · 30/03/2019 19:16

Also suggest she needs a social work assessment before discharge

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