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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NDN and looking after her cat

63 replies

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:00

I posted a couple of weeks ago regarding my NDN. She fell & broke both her wrists. She lives on her own with her cat, she is 66.
I heard her screaming, called an ambulance & went with her to hospital. It’s a 45 minute drive away.
My DP & I have been feeding her elderly cat. The cat is incontinent. DP has cleaned up her mishaps from the kitchen floor on 3 occasions & I’ve washed her blanket that had crap/sick all over it.
I’ve just gone around to close the back door (we’ve been leaving it open for a few hours to air the kitchen where the cat is confined) & there is shit everywhere. Obviously the cat is poorly so not her fault.
My AIBU is that we haven’t heard a single thing from our neighbour despite sending ‘ how are you’ texts & calling the ward - the Sister has said she’s fine .
We’ve bought cat litter & now it’s run out of food which we cannot afford to replace.
Before anyone asks we haven’t visited because we both work full time & barely know our neighbour.
Yesterday I got a call from the hospital saying they were delivering a commode so we had to stay in so we could give them access to her house.
I’m just completely bemused to 2 weeks of no communication at all despite near daily messages from us !

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 30/03/2019 19:18

You need to call Cats Protection or RSPCA. They will understand the circumstances and do what is needed for the cat.

DontCallMeShitley · 30/03/2019 20:22

Not RSPCA, they will take the cat and kill it, owner would be devastated to lose her companion.

Cinnamon Trust would be better. You do need to get in touch with your neighbour rather than rehome her pet or have it taken away as it is likely to be PTS and that is her decision to make.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/03/2019 20:52

The hospital must of got my phone number from her phone to call me

The staff are unlikely to go through her phone without permission, so I agree with PPs that she's probably told them you'll be looking after her

Which is why you need to call the ward sister asap to tell her you certainly won't

Springsummer222 · 31/03/2019 15:38

Please do not stop feeding the cat . Just buy supermarket versions and keep fresh water out also . I would ring Cats protection and as someone said , you could always let your neighbour know why
Just please don’t abandon the poor cat 🤕

Original poster
AnotherNightCooking · 31/03/2019 15:53

Hi - I'd never abandon the cat.
I’ve been out today & bought a box of cat food pouches.
I’ve washed & dried her blanket.
She only goes outside if you are with her so we’ve taken (DP & I) to walk around the garden with her.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 31/03/2019 15:53

Your neighbour is being a right cheeky cow!

So she can text pictures of her plaster to the shopkeeper but can't be arsed to respond to your texts or calls? She is using her phone, she will have seen them!

She clearly thinks you're a soft touch and isn't at all bothered about keeping you on side and is completely assuming that you'll feed her cat and take care of things - even though you hardly know her.

That's weird and entitled enough to be a big red flag. Boundaries right now. Send one more text:

'Dear NDN, I'm surprised not to have heard from you seeing as you've been able to text X from the shop and you know that we've been trying to contact you. We are no longer able to fund taking care of your cat, so please get in touch to make arrangements by the end of tomorrow or we will contact cats protection (I would assume you can then retrieve your cat from them when you are well). I am also surprised to have been contacted by the hospital regarding access to your house - hopefully that is now sorted and you will have been able to find someone to arrange this from among the people you are close enough to to have continued in contact with during your time in hospital. All the best'

Springsummer222 · 31/03/2019 16:02

Anothernightcooking- that’s fantastic You are very kind 🌞🐾

KC225 · 31/03/2019 16:28

I am a cat lover and have two but I also think your neighbour is cheeky. Cleaning up after a poorly cat is bad enough if you love them but cleaning up for two weeks after a sick when and its not even yours. I am surprised that knowing her cat is so sick she has not contacted you - to see if she is alright.

She is being rude and I think your tone and messages need to be a little more 'direct'. As a previous poster suggested, ring the ward and demand to speak to her.

Another thing, if she is so friend my with the local shop keeper, perhaps he can SRT upna tab for cat food and biscuits and she can pay him on return.

Original poster
AnotherNightCooking · 02/04/2019 13:48

She made contact- 2 weeks & 1 day later !

To ask if she can FaceTime with the cat this afternoon Confused

OP posts:
WeeDangerousSpike · 02/04/2019 13:56
Confused
ThreeAnkleBiters · 02/04/2019 14:00

That is very strange OP! I would text back saying you can't afford cat food - she'll need to send you money for some or you won't be able to buy more.

icelollycraving · 02/04/2019 14:02

Bloody hell! Shock

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/04/2019 14:03

She made contact- to ask if she can FaceTime with the cat this afternoon

I'm sorry but you almost have to laugh ... if you didn't you'd scream Hmm

I take it you've used the opportunity to tell her a few things?

Drum2018 · 02/04/2019 14:04

Ring the NSPCA. As for the hospital saying you need to give access to neighbours house, I wouldn't be getting involved in that either. She may be giving the impression that you will help her when she gets home. Do you want to be wiping her backside as well as cleaning her cats shit off the floor? Make sure the hospital knows you are not there to care for her. Does she not have any relatives?

PregnantSea · 02/04/2019 14:29

Your neighbour is being unbelievably cheeky. When she calls to FaceTime the cat I would just use the call to speak to her about sorting everything. Tell her the cat is sick and needs to go to the vets, and you aren't able to do this, and that it's run out of food. If she insists that you do it flatly refuse. At that point I think it would be legitimate to call in a charity to deal with the cat (RSPCA may take her away and out her down so I wouldn't advise them, go for someone who will look after her). With everything else she's on her own. Not your problem. Post keys back through her letterbox once the cat has been dealt with.

Stop feeling sorry for your neighbour, she isn't a kindly old lady is grateful for what you're doing, she's been incredibly rude and demanding and ignored your contact. I would be fuming.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 02/04/2019 14:34

Also suggest she needs a social work assessment before discharge

^for sure. Do not let them discharge her with them thinking you are taking care of her!

How did you respond to the FaceTime request??

Bookworm4 · 02/04/2019 14:42

She's not a wee old lady, I think OP said 66, she's a absolute chancer, get her told in no uncertain terms you're not her cared/ maid/pet sitter and definitely call Cats Protection

AryaStarkWolf · 02/04/2019 14:45

So your neighbour has no idea whether anyone is even looking after her cat? I would call the RSPCA

BasilBrushes · 02/04/2019 14:51

I would be telling the hospital staff that she is not your responsibility and to contact her family. That she is a neighbour you don’t know well. You’ll end to being her Carer at this rate. Also contact someone about the cat.

listsandbudgets · 02/04/2019 14:54

Facetime... who does she think you are... the cats PA? I think I'd be quite short with her now, she's taking a lot for granted

"Sorry dont have have facetime. Can not afford to feed cat and also she needs to see vet. Will call cats protection tomorrow morning unless you let me know who can care for cat. Have to work tomorrow so please arrange someone to deal with commode. Regards anothernightcooking"

Springsummer222 · 02/04/2019 15:08

Cats protection as a first option , before RSPCA ...

Springsummer222 · 02/04/2019 15:08

...Or any local cat charity to get advice on what to do

overreactingperhaps · 02/04/2019 15:21

She's asked to facetime the cat?! That's ridiculous...

Thing is I understand how stressful it could be, if you are your cats sole carer and you have no friends/family nearby to take over, but I'd be messaging daily, asking if cat's ok, not being a problem, and offering to try and get money to you for any cat food etc.

She obviously didn't foresee her fall, so it's a bit unfair as it's not entirely her fault she has run out of food.

However, it's not entirely your responsibility. As it goes, you seem to be the only person aware of the cat needing looked after, so you've taken it on but there's nothing stopping you letting her know, unfortunately you can no longer keep caring for her cat and she'll have to make other arrangements - a family member or friend.
Explain you've already bought food for it that you couldn't afford to do.

It's really not fair for her to expect you to clean up after it the way you have to... she needs to get someone else in to deal with it, or consider putting the cat into the care of a charity etc.

KC225 · 02/04/2019 15:23

I think you need to tell her his disappointing it is that you haven't heard from her despite looking after her sick cat. She need a to arrange for food, biscuits and litter to be delivered and a vets appointment. I think she is avoiding you and is teujng to go the cutsey route.

Tell her the vatbus sulking and not talking to get because she hasn't Face timed it in over two weeks.

I know yiubsaid she lives alone, but what about family and friends?

Nesssie · 02/04/2019 15:28

Under the Care Act 2014, it is the local authorities duty to provide care to the belongings of people taken into hospital. Pets are included in the definition of belongings.
If there are no family members able to care for the cat, then he/she should be taken to a cattery to be looked after, either funded by the owner or by the LA. Adult social services may be asked to get involved.

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